Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

Thank you for the update OP! I know a lot of us were concerned for your situation. I'm glad you were able to sit down together and at least settle where the money had gone. Yes, it just seems like you guys need to be partnered better on financial awareness. That being said, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much on that one because you're not alone. I definitely know that we went over on our budget and a lot of it was blind check writing (not necessarily blind like fingers crossed it wont bounce, but just not adding up every dollar beforehand, and thats not the best way to do it).

I agree with you that at this point, it comes down to the lying. Why did he feel that he couldn't come to you? I know it's embarrassing when you mess up, but lies dont get better with age. At this point, i hope you find answers to those questions and find ways to repair the broken trust between you two.

I am glad you guys were able to sit down and have a conversation about it. So, he spent the mortgage money on your honeymoon? Oh goodness.....Couples counseling (if you are planning to stay together) ASAP! I would feel so betrayed that I was lied to for the 8 months prior to our wedding. He had to have known he was going to get caught at some point. So sorry, OP.

I'm glad you were able to shine some light on the situation. You seem to be on the right track with seeking financial counseling.

I'm just concerned that he could lie to you for that long and seem to feel no remorse. How do you know he won't do it again?

I know he feels remorse about lying. He's been a wreck recently.

His reasoning for lying is disgusting to me.... he was embarrassed, ashamed, scared of my reaction. I can be harsh at times, but damn, we are a team, and it's like he slammed the door in my face. If he skipped a mortgage payment, and when I asked if he paid, he told me what happened, I'd be a lot happier about the situation. (Ultimately, I'd like us to be a damn team and go through it together, -'Honey, I'm worried about our payment this month'-) But seriously, 8 months. He was being a child.

I want to do counseling, but don't see it in the cards. Looks like, at the moment, we aren't as well off as I thought, so I can't really afford it.

I don't know how to get passed the lies. He so scared I'm going to divorce him, he's almost too nice and somber around me.

Our mortgage is very small due to our area, and the fact that he got the house on foreclosure. So, it was incredibly cheap. So, when looking through the transactions, it does make sense that the extra $3,000 and honeymoon was paid off.

I don't know how to go about this. The lies. Does anyone come back from that?

Do you have medical insurance? Some insurance/insurance plans will cover a portion of a therapist/counseling. I would look into that instead of immediately deciding to not go to a financial counselor. Maybe see a licensed marriage counselor via insurance until you can afford a financial counselor?

Personally I would not be able to trust him ever again. Financial counseling is definitely a good thing, but there is a difference between over-spending and purposefully skipping your mortgage payment to pay for a honeymoon.

I would personally suggest both financial and marriage counseling at this point.

You need a safe space to be able to work through the issues he has created. I understand your wanting to continue to trust him and repair the relationship. The only way to determine if that can be done is both time, and counseling.

I think you can come back from that, but I think it requires professional help. I know you're not in a good place financially, but could you get counseling through your insurance? Sometimes companies offer counseling support to the employees, too.

I have to admit, I am not sure I personally could come back from that. Trust is important to me and as you know, that was a huge break in trust. And just plain stupid on his part. I'm glad there wasn't anything else nefarious going on, but I would worry about what else he could lie about.

I know you don't have the money, but I think the only way to even begin to move on from this and have any trust in him again is counseling. And time. It's going to take a long time.

I'm so sorry SageTree. I'm sure your emotions are all over the place.

I am pretty ragey for you. You mentioned yesterday that he was still spending money on golf and beer while this was going on. My FH would work AROUND THE CLOCK and cut out every cent of unnecessary spending in order to get out mortgage paid. It doesn't make sense that he would just stop paying it. It's ludicrous.

OP it does sound more positive than yesterday...sounds like you are taking some good steps, but remain cautious. I recommend what someone else said about the credit report. I think it is a good idea for him to know the consequences financially of doing what he did and also a good way for you to know if there is anything else lurking out there. Also, get the deed out of his mom's name, that's ridiculous.

I am with Elk - he was SO irresponsible. But my guess is he was trying to mask the problem so she didn't know (which is so stupid, they'd lose the house!). From what's been said here, he appears incredible immature and needs financial and emotional counseling.

I honestly think counseling is the only way you might be able to come back from this, if coming back is possible. Cut out cable, cut out netflix, amazon prime, eating out, fun spending, cut out EVERYTHING that is not a necessity, so you are able to afford counseling - that is a necessity at this point. Therapy is often covered by insurance and you just pay a co-pay (maybe $25 - $50 per appointment).

You are not going to be able to work through all these issues and your questions and anger and sadness and frustration by yourself and just with your partner. You need an unbiased person to help you reflect and determine where you go from here. A counselor/therapist doesn't decide for you, they help you see what you really want and need.

@OG Alecia - some people in rural areas do have mortgages around $400-$500. Crazy to me, but I live in a city. Although that's still more than $3k, their regular overspending could account for the other money. I know there have been months where I was like "holy shit, I spent that much!" because I just wasn't paying attention.

ETA: He knew the situation though and should not have spent the extra money. Just explaining why to OP it may not have come up.

Just reading this all, but man that was a whirlwind.

Many community centers and religious organizations offer free counsleing (especially if you are in a financial hardship-which you are). Look into any of those in your area and go. Immediately. You need financial counseling and probably private, personal counseling to determine how you feel and what the right step is for you as an individual. Couples counseling may come, but I think it should come later, after you deal with this and your own emotions. You have a right to grieve for this loss of relationship, because that's what happened. You lost the relationship you had over the lying and deceit. Anything from here on out will be a new, entirely different relationship between you two.

Best of luck, and keep us posted on what you decide. Sending hugs for strength and courage!

Your mortgage is $375 a month? Daaaaamn. Sorry, but there should be consequences to him lying to you for 8 MONTHS. Why is he scared of you? You need to find the ability to go to couples counseling.

People do come back from the lies, but it takes YEARS of work and counseling. Is there a university with graduate programs near you? If they have a marriage and family therapy program or financial counseling courses, they may have students under supervision that offer free or drastically discounted sessions. Look into those.

I'm still so upset for you. I even had a dream last night that this happened to me! You should not let this go or sweep it under the rug to spare his feelings. He should feel bad. He should feel embarrassed and ashamed and guilty. This was not one month's worth of lies. This was not "I forgot to pay the electricity bill, we will have to pay a hefty late fee". If he's serious about keeping you in his life, he needs to step up and find a way to fix this, too not dump yet another thing on you to worry about.

The mortgage being so cheap doesn't surprise me. When FH and I were house hunting before, there were some homes where our monthly payment would have been about $800 including taxes, homeowner's insurance, etc. If you get a great deal, it makes a huge difference.

I'm glad you had the conversation, but this doesn't add up at all, and even if it did, his decision to spend money on the honeymoon and then lie to you about it?

Before you take any steps, (besides paying the mortgage off) really think about what you want as an end result. Staying with him may not be the automatic answer.

I'm with Dedodara on this one....I'm not sure I could come back from this one. The lying, the immaturity, the irresponsibility for a person you theoretically care about (irresponsibility emotionally and financially)....that's a lot to work on.

I also have a hunch there is more to this story.

@MrsWrs I am assuming it's in reference to how low that is, considering I pay more (way more) than $375 in just taxes every month.