Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

No no, the $3,000 was over my budget on the wedding... the honeymoon was about $5,000.

So the total overspend was 8,000?

What is his plan to fix the situation at hand?

@MBean - i think part of the problem is that she didn't know she was overbudget. They didn't really keep track of their spending.

I have already cut out Netflix last week, put a stop to our Prime account. We have savings. Unfortunately, with the penalties against the missing payments... its equating to way more than what we missed. We don't eat out very often.

I'm going to look into counseling through my insurance.

Netflix is like $15 a month now? Prime is a yearly subscription so that should have been paid for already (although I see the temptation of buying unnecessary things being removed with that move).

Drive for Uber or Lyft or GrubHub- he should be more than willing to help fix his mistake, too. Sell some rarely used tech items. Have a garage sale. Babysit, dog sit, do anything you can to get even a small amount of extra cash here and there.

@OGA the total spent was 8k (5k honeymoon...in GA...) and 3k in overspending on the wedding itself.

Why are people saying this doesn't add up? As if there must be something else sinister going on? The OP said yesterday that there was no evidence of large sums of money leaving the account or cash withdrawals and no evidence of a large surplus. She also said that they didn't have a separate wedding account. It was all one account. My immediate thought was that they were over budget on the wedding. If you aren't budgeting properly or keeping a close eye on expenses, and you don't have a separate account, it is SO easy to overspend by a few hundred every month on something like a wedding. Smaller amounts of $100-$300 here and there add up quickly. Combine that with the expensive honeymoon that they weren't budgeting for, and it's a recipe for debt or sadly, in this case, her husband neglecting to pay the mortgage for 8 months.

Can you elaborate what you did on your honeymoon in Georgia for 2 weeks that cost 5k? Assuming this is the state of Georgia.

@Emily, OP just elaborated on the amount that was spent.

It's $8,000 altogether guys.

And whilst I understand that we need to see a financial counselor and we will be doing so quite soon, I think it would be hard for strangers to help with my financial life off of implications and no facts. I appreciate the caring and worry and discussion. We will definitely be pinpointing our issues with financials with a counselor.

I'm reading all of the comments about not coming back from the lies and it's so scary to me. I don't want to sound weak, but I do trust him that there isn't anything underlying about the lies (drugs, cheating, gambling). I do trust the fact that he was scared to tell me.

I'm still mad though. Has anyone ever had an issue like this?

You need to take time away from him and figure out if this is something you are able to get through.

Go onto the website for your insurance and find an in-network marriage counselor. Also, check to see how much of therapy your insurance covers. Once you know how much your insurance will cover, you can call a few counselors to see how much they charge. You should be able to find one that isn't too expensive, and this needs to be a priority.

I still don't understand his thought process? Did he think he could take care of it all? Pay it all back, without you ever noticing? That kind of rationale does not make any sense... Especially that he was deliberately lying to you, to the point of fake confirmation numbers. That speaks of deviousness and cunning. Not an accidental overspending mistake.

You may not get over your anger, and you may have to end your relationship, and you would be justified to do so. You need a neutral person to talk that option over with.

@Sage - To me, it's not even whether or not he had underlying issues anymore. I believe you that you believe him, but he still lied. And this is a major lie that could seriously affect your financial well-being for years. He knew something was wrong with the finances, he didn't speak up and tried to hide it and made it worse.

I don't know if I could get over that. I'm not sure I could ever be able to trust him to do anything financially again, and I would resent that everything would fall on me.

I know that I cosigned a car for an ex when I was dating him in my early twenties. It has been probably about 15 years, and I am STILL mad that he didn't pay the car loan when we broke up, and the car was repossessed and I had to pay the remainder from the auction AND have fucked up credit for years. And your situation is worse.

OP were your other bills (electric, water, sewer, cable, internet, phone, etc.) being paid during this time?

OG Alecia, it's not hard to do if you stay at Tybee Island and Savannah. But, while I like the advice and ideas, as well as the hard truths, I don't feel I need to justify how we spent what we did on our honeymoon because you are in disbelief.

SageTree, I did have an issue like that back when I was young and stupid. But I left him when I found out he mishandled our money and we were royally fucked. I had more respect for myself than to stay with someone that had no care about how I was going to afford food and toilet paper for the next week let alone a house payment.

What else is he going to be too scared to tell you one day? I don't know if I could ever trust him again. However like I said in a previous comment, people do come back from this. Some marriages are even stronger than ever once they get past it. But none of those examples happened without extensive therapy and education.

You know yourself better than we do- do you think in any world you are capable of trusting him again? Google "the miracle question" from solution-focused therapy and ask yourself the question posed to get a starting point.

He did lie. I can't get over that he didn't think about our future... I'm just at a complete loss.

I keep going back and forth about being angry and really sad. I can't even keep up with my emotions anymore.

It won't be "strangers" helping with implications and no facts - you will be giving ALL THESE FACTS to a financial counselor so they can help you.

You are allowed to be mad. It's expected with all this crap that happened! You need to take time. Time away, time apart, time thinking and figuring out how you feel. You are going to go through a whole range of emotions... sad, confused, angry, hurt, depressed, more confusion, etc. You don't have to make a decision about staying together or not right now. You need to take time for yourself and to pick yourself up and still get to the bottom of everything and the *why* of his behavior. Figuring out if this is a relationship you want to stay in will take time, so give yourself time and don't be so hard on yourself.

You not only CAN be mad, but you'd be a fool not to be mad. He should feel bad.

I mean you do kind of have to justify him spending $5,000 on a HM when you should've been home paying off the mortgage.

Why did he think a HM for 2 week was more important than your home?