Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

I agree with @OGA - that's a lot of money for a honeymoon in Georgia. Can he show you receipts for all of the honeymoon purchases to confirm it adds up to $5,000?

Also, please don't blame yourself for this specific situation that you're in. Yes, you should have kept closer track of your wedding spending, but there's a HUGE difference between spending more than you realized because you weren't tracking every penny spent closely enough and being fully aware that you're spending more than you can afford, allowing it to continue, and lying to your partner about. Even if you justify the lying as he was ashamed/scared (which I don't think is a legit excuse), at the very least, it shows your husband is immature and incredibly financially irresponsible. I hope everything works out for the best for you, whatever that may be.

You are allowed to be angry and sad. You've been betrayed, in a really serious way. I don't know what the future has in store for you, but I know I would be unable to move past this without some really serious help from professional counselors, both financial and marital.

I get where you're coming from but I also think that the questions here are coming from a good place. As outsiders, and OGA especially as someone with legal training, there might be things we bring up that you hadn't thought of yet. Our heads are clear, yours isn't yet. Try not to take it defensively even though it's extremely difficult at this point.

I also have another question... So you recently got married in July, right? And you lived together for at least eight months before that, when all the lies and financial downfall occurred. How long were you living together before that? Did you guys have open communication then? Did either of you ever overspend prior to those eight months? How long were you wedding planning? More than eight months? What was your communication and financial situation prior to those eight months? I feel like this has been presented as a problem only during those eight months of wedding planning, but I personally believe he would have underlying issues and problems with lying/keeping things from you before that wedding planning/deceit started. I don't think it would just start out of nowhere. Just something to keep in mind and look into further.

I would allow myself to be mad at him. What's done is done in terms of the overspending, which you're both responsible for.

If you try to forgive him too quickly, you may grow to resent it. Be mad, talk about it with him as to why you're upset. Go see a counselor for yourself and see one also as a couple. A lie is a big thing to get over, and while it's not as bad as cheating, it's still a complete displacement of trust. Does your local church (if you attend) have couples nights or groups, retreats? Start building that trust back up. I wouldn't run out and get divorced but just reiterate to him why this hurt you and how you both need to work towards getting over it. Good luck OP.

OG Alecia, I keep thinking about that day in and out. I kept asking him, how were you planning on continuing to lie about this? We were going to lose our house... was that when you were going to reach out for help? Why wouldn't you just fucking tell me and then call the loan officer? We could have lost the house... which is more important to me then the fucking wedding.

He can't seem to answer any of those. This is destroying me. He is my best friend. How, how the fuck, could he let this slide for 8. Fucking. Months.

Can't stop angry crying.

It doesn't make sense to me that the mortgage is the bill he would forget to pay. It's the roof over your head.

ETA: OP I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I hope this conversation has been helpful to you, and I'm glad you've been so open with us about what's going on. It's a shitty feeling to know that the person you love has been lying to you (and really, in my opinion, isn't who you thought he was).

Sage- I really am sorry for you. I think the issue is more then "letting it slide", he flat out lied and put you in the position to lose your home over a party and a vacation.

I'm trying really hard not to get defensive, I'm just really mad at him and myself for letting this happen. I'm married. I just got married. This wasn't supposed to happen....

I've lived with him for 3 years. We've been working towards this wedding since April 2016. We've never had any other financial issues. I mean, I do remember one time he missed the water bill, and it got shut off, but we paid the next day and that was that.

This is just mind boggling to me. Not paying the mortgage is a big thing and lying to someone you are married to is a betrayal of trust. Much more than that is the obstacles he took to cover his lies. No one can tell you what to do. You're an adult and you will make whatever decision you feel is best for you, I'm sure of it. Me, personally? I'd tell him to stay at his moms while I took the time alone to process and think things through. At least he'd still get his mail!!

@Sage - so what's his plan to resolve this? If you don't mind me asking, how old is he? Had he lived alone long before you moved in?

Op, my view is different from most on here. Marriage is a commitment that you do not just give up on. You said yourself that you love this man (child). You are doing right by seeking counseling. If you trust him in all other areas and love him then why throw it all away?! Also, you have taken blame yourself. Take this situation and learn from it. You are not weak by moving forward with him by your side. In fact, you are strong and dedicated. Your willingness to not give up is admirable to me. If you do so chose to move forward you will need to let this go but these are all things you will discuss in counseling. I wish you and your husband the best of luck and pray that the both of you make the decision that is right for you, not one that some Internet community encourages you to make.

He has had this house for 6 years now. He is 27 years old. He got the house when we first started dating. He lived there with a roommate for 3 years until I moved in. We split the bills, and did it with our own accounts. However, it became so cumbersome to divvy it up, that we decided to join our finances.

I will be speaking to a lawyer, just to know my options. That's good advice. I will be moving my paychecks to a new account. I'm just so sad

Sorry, @Amy, but she started this marriage with a man who was deceiving her. Why should she uphold her end of the commitment when he obviously is not. Clearly, when he decided to start skipping the mortgage payment, he did not have her best interests at heart.

I'm glad to see you have a plan and will talk with a lawyer and make a new bank account for your income. It's okay to be sad, but please please stop blaming yourself!

@Amy - I agree that marriage is a commitment that you don't take lightly, but this isn't a little thing. This isn't stealing $20 out of your purse. This is $8k and the potential of being homeless and the destruction of financial stability. His decisions could cost them the ability to take out loans in the future, or everything will fall on her.

Not only did he just not pay the mortgage, he purposely lied to her by even providing fake confirmation numbers. This is deceit, not just lies.

As a side note, usually utilities like water and electric do not get turned off for missing one month of payments.

@Elk - I thought that, but I didn't know for sure, so I didn't want to make a comment. But it definitely didn't sound right to me.

Look into him having a drug problem , this is all so familiar to what my friend is going through now .

Is there a way you can verify all those missing funds went to the honeymoon? Not that it was like, a weird transaction or transfer he is SAYING was for the honeymoon but was really for something else. Hope that makes sense.