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futuremrswmh
Super October 2018

Vent! FH's divorce was never finalized!!!

futuremrswmh, on May 31, 2017 at 2:43 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 162

My FH was previously married and left his ex in June of 2015 and filed for divorce later that month. By November of 2015 they had gone to court and received temporary orders for everything (split of property, custody of their child, etc). His ex and her attorney were responsible for drawing up the...

My FH was previously married and left his ex in June of 2015 and filed for divorce later that month. By November of 2015 they had gone to court and received temporary orders for everything (split of property, custody of their child, etc). His ex and her attorney were responsible for drawing up the final divorce decree. Two years later and less than 5 months from our wedding and we just found out his divorce was never finalized...and his ex knew the whole time and kept it that way. FH is in the wrong for not checking in with his attorney but he received a draft of the divorce decree and assumed it was done...all that was missing was his exs signature and then she had to go before the judge with FHs attorney once she signed.

ETA: the issue is that the ex, or I guess current wife, has made it clear she plans to make it difficult. She has even taken to social media sayin. "Ps we are still married so good luck with the wedding" with a big smiley emoji

162 Comments

  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    It's not that I'll feel guilty about it. FH and I both are big believers in the fact that marriage was designed by god. Legalization and paper was by man. We want to be married in the eyes of god and can wait to be legal.

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  • P
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
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    This might be a UO but I think I would push my wedding back a few months if possible.

    I don't think you are awful at all OP, I just think for me personally I'd feel funny going through what would basically be just a symbolic ceremony and end the day still not be legally married.

    You don't have to explain to people all of the reasons why you are pushing your date back if you don't want to. You can just say "date x worked better for us".

    JMO.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Thanks.

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  • Jesikah
    VIP October 2017
    Jesikah ·
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    This is disgusting! Some people are so miserable. I hope everything works out for you. I'm sorry!!!

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  • A Bride
    Super August 2016
    A Bride ·
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    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please seek legal advice with how to best proceed. Hugs. Just hugs. Your family will get through this.

    Also, there are some great divorce and custody forums out there that could give you some great tips and insight especially with a vindictive ex (babycenter forums, etc)

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Thank you so much for those of you that have given support. This is one of the most emotional things I've been through and it takes all I have to not break down about it every five seconds.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    You need to ask your officiant if that is possible, and if it is, what wording needs to be changed. Most officiants will not do a ceremony that looks just like a wedding if it isn't. It puts us in a weird area legally and ethically.

    I'm not quite sure about the 'designed by god part", but best wishes for a speedy resolution. I have a lovely introduction that I wrote with a couple who had a similar issue; if you PM me, I'll be happy to send it to you.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Celia thank you for your advice. My FFIL is our preacher and an officiant so he would be performing the ceremony. I'm not sure how to PM

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  • Mrs Green
    Expert February 2021
    Mrs Green ·
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    Oh my gosh! Can you show her post to the judge? She sounds very bitter to me. She should Just let it go. Jeez. I'm so sorry you're going through this

    ETA: The EX needs to just let it go. You keep planning your wedding. Don't let her bitterness disdain your love.

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  • LillyBean17
    Master October 2017
    LillyBean17 ·
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    I don't think it makes you awful, but I wouldn't want to go through all the planning and money spent and stress for a pretty princess day unless I was going home with my husband at the end of it all.

    As a guest, I'm one of those few people that would be like "wtf did I just see?? They didn't even get married at this thing???" if I had to fly in and take time off work to see this. So just consider giving people a heads up.

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  • MTB
    Master May 2017
    MTB ·
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    I'm with Blair. When I got divorced the signed papers were sent to me signed and sealed by the judge. I would've questioned something had I never received those copies.

    I really hope it works out quickly for you all.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    *****.******@*******.***.

    I would also talk to him when/if it becomes clear that this will be a commitment ceremony for you.

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  • Wanda
    Super February 2018
    Wanda ·
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    Ouch, sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully, it will all get straightened out in time. PPs have given you the best advice so far.

    Waiting periods vary from state to state. My DIL's divorce was final in MD in the morning, and she and my son got married that afternoon in VA.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Thanks Celia. I'll message you shortly

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  • ambrok
    Master October 2017
    ambrok ·
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    This was my fear for some time. FH has been divorced for ~15 yrs; but he lost his divorce decree years ago & I know in WI, you have to wait 6 months after a divorce to remarry. I know I drove him nuts; but made him get a copy of his divorce decree, as I was always saying; but...how do you know you are divorced...for sure!!! Don't want it to be too late in the game & then what?

    OP, sounds like you are dealing with the ceremony/reception issue well & if need be, making the marriage legal at a later date! As for the ex, just keep records of everything & don't be drawn into her game. Hope this can be resolved soon...

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  • Janae
    Expert May 2018
    Janae ·
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    What a Bitch!

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  • A. L.
    Master July 2017
    A. L. ·
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    OP, sorry you are dealing with this. I would definitely push the wedding back a few months while you deal with all of this.

    The other thing I would do is to take your picture/identity off of WW. You are dealing with a vindictive woman who could very well try to chase down comments you made about her on the internet and use it against your FH.

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  • EngineerInLove
    VIP September 2018
    EngineerInLove ·
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    My jaw dropped. Holy crap OP, this is awful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation and the nasty comments online. UGH. If I were FH I would get a different lawyer, and echoing PPs about getting everything in writing from his ex. FB messages and posts, texts, emails, whatever. Have a written record for EVERYTHING. Hopefully this helps your custody case, the sooner you can get his child away from this vindictive woman the better.

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  • Deactivated
    Super April 2020
    Deactivated ·
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    Agree with PP. I would remove your photo and identity. I would hate for her to find this and use it against you in any way (especially being how vindictive she sounds to being with). I'm so sorry this is happening but I'm glad to hear you'll still hold everything. I wouldn't let her see my bat an eye and give here that satisfaction.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    This is a very unfortunate situations.

    Engineer, OP does not have "your custody case." Her FH does. She does not have a custody case. She needs to delete all her postings anywhere. As much as some may think the Ex's postings are problematic, this "wedding" is equally if not more problematic.

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