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futuremrswmh
Super October 2018

Vent! FH's divorce was never finalized!!!

futuremrswmh, on May 31, 2017 at 2:43 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 162

My FH was previously married and left his ex in June of 2015 and filed for divorce later that month. By November of 2015 they had gone to court and received temporary orders for everything (split of property, custody of their child, etc). His ex and her attorney were responsible for drawing up the...

My FH was previously married and left his ex in June of 2015 and filed for divorce later that month. By November of 2015 they had gone to court and received temporary orders for everything (split of property, custody of their child, etc). His ex and her attorney were responsible for drawing up the final divorce decree. Two years later and less than 5 months from our wedding and we just found out his divorce was never finalized...and his ex knew the whole time and kept it that way. FH is in the wrong for not checking in with his attorney but he received a draft of the divorce decree and assumed it was done...all that was missing was his exs signature and then she had to go before the judge with FHs attorney once she signed.

ETA: the issue is that the ex, or I guess current wife, has made it clear she plans to make it difficult. She has even taken to social media sayin. "Ps we are still married so good luck with the wedding" with a big smiley emoji

162 Comments

  • Blanca
    Devoted July 2017
    Blanca ·
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    And I thought I was having a crappy day, wow this one really sucks

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  • Heidi
    Dedicated August 2017
    Heidi ·
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    I live in NY, sent my ex husband packing to Oklahoma in 2014. Sent divorce papers to his ass in June '14 by July I had my decree. So it really depends on the judge. Now the lawyer I hired was from Oklahoma. I did have to wait 6 months to remarry. Because the divorce was finalized in O.K.

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  • Amanda
    Master January 2017
    Amanda ·
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    Yikes! He definitely needs to find an experienced and highly rated attorney who knows both OK and TX divorce law.

    I second taking dated screenshots/printouts of her petty comments online and saving any emails/texts/voicemails that may help you in court by proving she is doing this on purpose for petty reasons. Any time you or he sees that she has posted or said something about your wedding, save it for your records.

    Also, any documentation that proves FH and his ex no longer live together and haven't for quite some time may be helpful.

    I would also make sure they know your date is set and nonrefundable deposits have been made already, with documentation if possible. This may help your case.

    Also, if you have any possible way of proving she is using the child support for herself and not on their daughter, document that as well. I'm not sure about this in regards to the law but it was my understanding that child support money was for the child and not the mother to go to concerts by herself. (That would be spousal support.)

    That woman is a disgusting excuse of a human being, not only for treating you and FH this way but also for poisoning her impressionable young daughter's views about her parents separation and your place in their lives.

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  • Kaitlyn
    Expert August 2017
    Kaitlyn ·
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    See if the divorce agreement can be updated to include not bashing each other to their child until she's 18 or something. My mom and her ex had something to that effect included because my sister was 3 when they divorcdd

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    Amanda, what the mother spends child support on is none of her ex's business. If the child is being neglected, that is his business. And in what world do you think a child can be supported on 400/month? A legitimate use of child support is for a part of housing and food. More likely the ex is going to go for an increase.

    I really doubt a court is going to care that someone had deposits for a wedding. Reasonable people check first that divorce is final.

    I feel bad for OP, but the ex/current wife had every right to protest a wedding would be violation of the law.

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  • Rochelle
    Expert June 2017
    Rochelle ·
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    I'm so sorry that is horrible.

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  • Alana
    VIP March 2018
    Alana ·
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    Karen is right. The courts could care less what she spends child support on. They care that he is sending it. I look at it like this. My ex husband sends his c.s. twice a month. I can't tell my landlord, the light company, car note, grocery stores, school dues, etc that I can only pay a portion of the fees and bills until I receive her fathers portion. No I have to pay it all. So by the time his c.s. arrives I'm essentially repaying myself for the portion that his money covers. So therefore if I choose to take it and get my nails done that is what I will do because I have already paid for what his c.s. was sent for. Bills are due based on a cycle not when the child support arrives.

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  • Alana
    VIP March 2018
    Alana ·
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    My FH ex wife is somewhat doing the same thing. But they are officially divorced (I have his decree). But every 8 months or so shes going back to the court house to file for more money. Why? She says well if he can vacation or plan a wedding he can give me more money. She has told him she is going to make his lofe miserable because he divorced her and left her with kids. Unfortunatley, until the OP is married and more than likely even after they are, this still will not be her fight. His custody and child support xase has nothing to do with her. The courts won't even take her income into account when it comes to their case. She needs to be the encourager in his corner in the background but he has to fight this one on his own. Do the research if you have to OP. Give him advice on what to do but don't stick yourself pphysically in the middle of this. It has nothing to do with you. Trust me the courts will tell you this.

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  • SJ
    VIP October 2017
    SJ ·
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    FH's mom got remarried and then found out like 2yr later that her DH never actually got his prior divorced finalized. So...they were never actually married! He never hired a lawyer and assumed that just by filing for divorce, they were divorced. They asked me to look into it because I'm an attorney and I was able to pull up the docket in like 2 seconds. Honestly, people are idiots sometimes when it comes to legal matters.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I would recommend that FH find another lawyer.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    I'm not worried about the child support going up. They base it on his income which hasn't changed at all. The reason I say her cs doesn't go to the child is because ex gets free housing, food stamps, a monthly amount from the state etc. and we pay all of the child's other expenses. Yeah it sucks but I'm not worried about the child support so much as the fact that when it comes to money and getting benefits she will say they are divorced and not living together in a heart beat but now it comes out that he isn't and she tries to use it to her advantage.

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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    Duh. A divorce isn't final until everyone signs and a divorce decree is granted. You should not have started planning a wedding until it was finalized.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Mk thanks. Obviously we were under the impression it was finalized. His attorney sent him the decree and made it seem like it was final and done with. She failed to mention his ex still hasn't signed and gone to court with the attorney. But thanks for stating the obvious, clearly I intentionally planned a wedding to a married man. It's been made very clear that obviously we should have been more thorough and looked more into what his attorney sent.

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  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    I'd be mad at both of them ... it's not hard to know when a divorce is final .. that being said she s super petty and I feel for the child .. this needs to get corrected ... honestly it looks like your going to be pushing the wedding back ... my divorce (in Colorado) took 3 months uncontested ...and as quick as possible ... it's going to take longer with somebody not wanting to get it

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  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    Also I had to go to court (My ex is military and in a different state so he got to call in ) and we both verbally had to agree before the judge let us finalize

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  • Muffinbutton
    Super August 2017
    Muffinbutton ·
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    As much as his ex seems like a difficult person, this is 100% your FH's fault. Sure his attorney should've followed up, but you can't expect his attorney to care more about his divorce than he does. It clearly wasn't important enough to him to even warrant a follow up email saying, "so are we officially done?" I mean come on. Proposing and planning a wedding when he didn't even follow up to ensure he was divorced is insane.

    Also I would insist on pushing the wedding back. A. Because he should have followed up and this is on him. and B. Because if he's in the middle of a divorce and custody case I don't think it will look so good to the judges that he is holding a fake wedding and including his daughter in it without even getting divorced first.

    You want to look like the good guy in these cases. Not the bad guy or the crazy guy. It's not about who you are, it's about how you look.

    Speak to an attorney before going forward with this.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    I just don't understand how now she can not want it when two years ago she couldn't wait to go to mediation and signed off on all temp orders and everything like that.

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  • L
    Expert November 2017
    Lck5002 ·
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    Sounds like she doesn't want it now because it's something she can do to try and be difficult. Hopefully you are able to get things figured out quickly.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    Mrs Hampton, I suspect you are hearing what your FH tells you. That is one side to the story. I am not saying he is lying to you, but he may have heard from her what he wanted to, and may be even subconsciously filtering stuff. At the end of the day, IMHO, you have to forget about what or why things happened, but what a lawyer says can be done or should be done. I agree with Muffin, a fake wedding may end up looking really bad in a custody hearing. BTW, how much time does he get with his child?

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    Karen, every other weekend, holidays, and every other week in the summer

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  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    Funny story ... maybe not to you... but my grand mom and grandfather got "divorced " like 50 years ago ... he remarried ... only to find out in 2013 that they where still legally married lol my grand mom couldn't stop laughing ....

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