UPDATED: Should I track down estranged family members and family friends who have not bothered to RSVP?

If you invite them, you need to follow up.

Ask your mom for help with the people that she insisted on inviting. Just tell her you don't feel comfortable calling them personally and ask if she'd be willing to since she is closer to them.

Again, we were forced to because my mom made us (she's helping financially) and half way through AFTER we sent the invitations, she even admitted it was a bad idea to invite people we didn't want there. THAT's why we're in the situation. These people essentially, should have never got invites in the first place, but they did. We don't really talk to them other through "likes" on Facebook if that. thats why I asked the question whether it mattered to follow up or not. I was thrown into the situation by a decision my mother made, and essentially abandoned after it was too late.

I also would like to add an example of guests knowing they were on the b-list. My coworker (who is also my boss's daughter, btw) invited me to her wedding a couple years ago, I was surprised I received an invitation because I hadn't received a std like all of my other coworkers and was the only one of us not invited to her engagement party. The best part is that I received my invite a good three weeks after I know my other coworkers received theirs.......I still went because it was at a really cool venue but I got her the cheapest thing on her registry.

Lol, yeah I mean if thats the case though, 80% of the people we invited are "B" list then. We split it up basically with the first list being people we knew were coming (immediate, wedding party, etc.) And these estranged family members that my mom thought was a good idea. It was her idea to purposely send out their invites and give them an "early" date because she thought they wouldn't bother to come but thought if they were given an early date they'd be forced to just say no? (I don't know what she was thinking) We sent out the invites all at once, they just had different RSVP dates on them depending on if you were on this forced list my mom came up with. The whole thing is crazy and I'm just going to have my mom clean up her own mess lol

I understand that you may have family concerns that we are not aware of but what is the harm in having SOMEONE follow up with them. If your parents made you invite people, perhaps they can also be the ones to follow up.

Problem solved and you don't have to call them.

Absolutely. You can never assume that no rsvp means no. It will also make your wedding day more stressful

Glad you found the light. Just remember what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me

BTW Thank you guys, and again, I apologize if I came off as mean and hostile, again, that wasn't my intention and I hope I did not upset anyone in doing so. I hope the updated version of this post reads a bit more clearly as to what's really going on! The last thing I want to do is have people think I'm intentionally trying to be rude or disrespectful! I'm just stressed to say the least because of the crap my mother has caused throughout this entire wedding planning process -.-

You shouldn't have invited estranged family. Now you should follow up with them.

So, you didn't have "too much on your plate" to "code" your rsvp website and also "confirm" that each guest received their invite via a "call or text"....yet you now have "too much on your plate" to "call or text" some people to confirm if they are coming or not? Did I get this right? You do realize that other people have lives too, right? Just because you are planning a wedding does not mean you are the only person you know that just has "too much on their plate". People forget. They look at an invitation, put it aside with the assumption that they will check their work schedule and then get back to it, but forget. Life happens, people forget. If these people are important enough for you to invite in the first place, then you should want to follow up with them for some confirmation.

Edit: I just read where you said that they are estranged family that you don't necessarily want there. That doesn't change my opinion though...you, your mom, or whoever, needs to follow up with these people.

Ok - I didn't have time to read all the responses, but why are you inviting to your wedding people you you never speak to? And often I make travel arrangements to a wedding without giving the bride my itinerary. I'm an adult and know how to travel. The invitations could be lost. If I was traveling to an out of state wedding I would have my flights made before the invite arrives to save money on the flight.

What it sounds like is that you were hoping the people on your mom's list wouldn't respond, and you're not reaching out to them because you want to pretend they don't exist. Now, you need to reach out to everyone, get their confirmation, and make sure you have enough tables for the A and B list. And, I'd add an extra 10 places for the mixup you've created.

The way some people are coming at you is wrong. You can give your opinion without being condescending. I get what you are saying hon but just to be on the safe side its best that you call and make sure you won't have any unexpected visitors. Its never good to assume.

@ogjaci...how would they find out? And if they did....so what lol

I feel bad when someone makes a post for advice and everyone bashes them. Forgive me for having a heart. Call it white knighting...l really don't care. These forums suck at times...you guys can get really rude and condescending for people who do things a little differently. There's definitely a way to get your point across with some tact.

Well op, your name certainly fits.

People probably aren't bothering to RSVP because you're doing something incredibly rude by having a B-list. Not to mention it's a terrible idea not to check with people regarding their RSVP status. What happens if they chose to mail back a yes and it got lost in the mail and they don't know? Now you've got a crapload of extra guests and no food, beverage, or seats for them.

Additionally, the B-listers WILL find out that they've been B-listed. If I were one of them, I'd RSVP yes and no show, just because what you're doing is a totally shitty thing to do to your so called nearest and dearest, and if you're NOT close to them ("estranged") then WHY in the fuck are you inviting them? Oh yeah, for the gifts. Gross. Totally appalling and gross.

@Brittany: how would they find out? Are you aware of this thing called telephones? How about social media? What happens when ain't Margie, on the A-list asks Aunt Bertha on the B-list about her invitation...and the RSVP deadline that has passed? People aren't stupid. B-listing people is like telling your B-list guests they're only good enough to fill a seat if someone doesn't come because you just want a gift from them. It's a shitty thing to do to anyone. Obviously though, you can't seem to comprehend that though. She isn't "just doing something a little differently," she's being beyond rude to her guests. That's what this board is for, so people can realize when their ideas are BAD and WHY BEFORE they offend their friends and family and become the talk of family reunions and gatherings for the next 30 years.

Rachel, I'm preeetty sure this is a public forum on the Internet, so you really can't come in here like the Internet police making demands like that.

When an op says it's updated, yet has a LOT of craptastic ideas in the op and no statement that she realizes they're bad? Yeah, I'm going to figure that she still thinks her plans are good.

Also, name calling, really? How old are you?

How old are you guys that you can't just help someone without trying to make one feel less than. Everyone is planning their wedding, for some of us this is our first run so we don't know what we doing so we come here to get advice, but noooooo you guys have to be extra and sarcastic. Oh and you name called also, i just call it like i see it. Its not a demand, its common courtesy.

Rachel: Myself, I'm in my 30's. What op was planning was rude, and her op made it pretty clear that she didn't care if she was treating her guests like crap. By all means, feel free to white knight and blow smoke up her ass, but most of us don't sugar coat the truth. If you're planning on treating your guests like shit and you make it clear you don't care, why should I be worried about offending you?

Wow. This is just all the rude.