UPDATED: Should I track down estranged family members and family friends who have not bothered to RSVP?

That's why it's a bad idea to follow up BEFORE the RSVP due date. We recommend waiting until it has passed so it wouldn't seem pushy.

Also it's not the guest's duty to follow up to make sure you received their RSVP. You're the host - that's your responsibility.

Well then here's a suggestion...if your mother invited them, ask your mother to follow up with them. Also, this is another example of why paying for your wedding on your own is a great idea.

It's not about the people. If an invite was sent out, you should follow up with those who have not RSVP after the due date regardless. If you don't want to follow up with your mom's guests, let her do it and give her a due date.

B-list is a no no.

B list or not...What's the problem with calling to see if people that you hopefully care enough about to invite them to your wedding. If you don't care enough to call them, you shouldn't have cared enough to invite them...

I apologize if I'm coming off as arrogant, and I apologize if there was any hostility in my responses that I didn't pick up on! I'm really not trying to be "that" bride. Like I say I should have worded my initial post a little more clearly!

So, here's the thing about evites and paperless post: yes, I'll read it, I'll star it, then I'll forget about it. I would need a reminder of some sort.

I did evites for my girlfriend's baby shower and still contacted the people who hadn't RSVP'd.

Not even going to touch the b-list...

Your apology shows, I think, that you have potential here!

But seriously, I'd follow up. It'll save you a LOT of potential stress on your actual wedding day.

Christina, youre right, I didn't care enough to invite them! It wasn't of my doing (my mom) but half way through, my mom was kind of like "Eh, I don't really care if they come, it was a bad idea, etc." That's why I'm saying I wouldn't bother following up if they lived so far away and there was obviously no relationship there! For the people we are close to and we chose to invite ourselves, WE ARE following up if they don't RSVP

OP: if your mom thought it was a bad idea to invite after the fact, tell her "TOO BAD you still have to follow up. It was your idea and I don't want to have to deal with non-RSVP people showing up the day of. Take care of it!"

IF .. Hopefully WHEN.. You decide to call.. Hopefully they will ALL day no.. Since you don't really want them there but at least you will have peace of mind knowing there will be no guest count surprises on your wedding day as I hear many other unforeseen things come up on the wedding day that require your immediate attention and flexibility..

The last thing you want is your phone blowing up with calls, texts and emails regarding hostile guests as your false eyelashes are getting glued on.

Just saying..

How many people are on your a and b list? Would it really be that big of a hassle to follow up with people?

Yeah it's annoying when people don't RSVP but that's just the way the world turns sister.

I don't understand the purpose of posting about this at all. The way this whole thing came off to us is the same way your guests will be seeing it as well.

I have been b-listed to a wedding and I absolutely knew it. They can find out. My RSVP date was Thursday and I still had 98 people who had not sent in their RSVP. I am contacting each and every one of them. So far, I have found out that at least 3 households did not receive their invitation. This does happen.

OK, VC, yes that seems fair. I guess that's kinda where my initially hostility came from. These are essentially people I didn't care to invite but my mom did! That's kinda why I was just like "screw it" So that is a sound solution to the issue, thank you! I will tell her that!

You chose to invite these guests as well when you accepted your mom's money with conditions. They are just as much your guests as your own friends are. If you already followed up to make sure they got their invitations, there's no reason to not follow up to ask for the RSVP, other than pure arrogance and entitlement.

Oh boy.... But hey, there's always the c or d list!

HOOOOOOOORAY! A happy wedding day has been resurrected!!!!

SHE HAS SEEN THE LIGHT!! Momma will call about missing RSVP's and all will be fine in the world!! Including your GUEST COUNT!

Please know we are all coming from a good place.. We as brides, past, present and future.. all want each other to have a lovely wedding day each of us have dreamed of.. If we see a potential critical road block to that vision it is our right and duty on this forum to scream ABORT MISSION AND RETREAT!!!

We wish you the best!

The 'A' list was people from my dad's family (that I don't talk to) that live 7 hours away. Essentially the first list was people that my mother felt it was "polite" to invite although my fiance and I did not really want to, our second list is the list my fiance and I put together ourselves.

The point of this post (Which I've already said should have been worded better) Was is it considered in poor taste to not follow up with RSVP from estranged family members and family friends that live hoursss away and have not contacted you about travel or accommodations or anything? That if these people have not contacted me about anything at all, even after I confirmed that they got the invite and knew of the time frames, it was safe to assume they weren't coming and that I didn't have to follow up. That was the question I was trying to get at.

"I honestly just needed to know if the way I was going about it was not sound."

...And we told you it wasn't and you threw a fit because you have *special circumstances* that you just can't explain. It's still not a sound idea and it won't be because you plan on turning people away at the door. It's going to be a mess. Why bother putting this much effort into a day just to have it remembered as "the shit show where the bride turned guests who traveled away at the door"?