UPDATED: Should I track down estranged family members and family friends who have not bothered to RSVP?

We have 25 people on our list who did not RSVP and who live in Maryland. We live in Texas. I'm sure that those people are not coming but I'm still following up because if they do go to all the trouble to come without telling me then I want to have a place for them to sit and food to eat.

I absolutely didn't throw a "fit" and I already apologized if what I typed came off as hostile because I stated I wasn't trying to be...the point of this comment is?

Look, I get how frustrating the thought of tracking down adults to find out a simple yes or no from them sounds. It irritates me too to think about it. But honestly, it's just a part of throwing a large party. It's one of the things you do. So just do it. The end.

And let's hope enough of your guests are turned off by your attitude to say No, cause otherwise you might have a serious headcount issue with that whole B-list thing...

What attitude? I'm honestly so confused right now. I'm having my mom follow up with the guests she invited, end of the story. Questions been answered...

91 comments in an hour. ..yep this is one to get the popcorn ready.

Please don't do a blist it's insulting to the people on it.

I've already explained why there was a "B" list, it wasn't my choice...

I'm glad you're having your mom follow up. It's much better to be sure of the list than it is to turn away people at the door. The attitude referenced is that you were calling it "rude, tacky and nasty" to not RSVP (to your RSVP date that is earlier than standard) when innocent mistakes can happen. You also sounded bitter about your mom wanting these guests invited, but she's paying for at least part of your wedding, which is a luxury that many people don't have. I'm sure you didn't mean to come across so entitled and presumptuous, but you did and it rubbed people the wrong way.

But - it's done now, you already B listed, and it's good that your mom is following up with these guests.

This is not smart at all .

You need to have a number or guest for your vendors . Not to mention seating for those who didn't RSVP

Maybe they felt the same way until they got an invitation to your wedding and now they feel honored and are going to show up? I would have a complete meltdown if more people showed up than I was prepared for. ETA: hopefully your mom really does follow up because this is a potential disaster

Oh I was literally just quoting what one of the commenters told me my "actions" were, I don't truly think those things! Thats why i was saying there was hositility because someone said those things to me first! But yes, i am going to have my mom follow up definitely. Our "first" list is honestly people that we felt were not going to come because we knew we have no real standing relationship with them but felt we had no choice because my mom said to. Thats kinda why I got upset when she basically abandoned the idea of inviting these people AFTER we sent the invitations, and THAT'S why I didn't want to follow up myself. Because it wasn't my choice, and thats why I was saying if I haven't spoken to you in years and you live so far away and you didnt discuss any plans with me why SHOULD I expect you're coming? But Yes, I am just going to have my mom finish her "dirty work"! lol

.

Coco - I'd change the name of your thread to make it sound less hostile. Now you're attracting people who won't read all the comments and don't see that you've changed.

Did it ever occur to your that those family who live "VERY FAR" might have wanted to surprise you?! Yes they should RSVP, but for whatever their reason they thought it would be more fun just to surprise you (trust me some people would think this is a great idea". Maybe they aren't computer savvy and didn't know how to RSVP or didn't realize it was supposed to be online. Maybe they told another family member to RSVP for them, and that didn't happen. There is just so much wrong here. You NEED to follow up for your sanity, the sanity of the family member who gets stuck checking the list at the door, AND for your venue. Nothing better than having a family member or friend being the bad guy to other family and friends. They won't speak to him/her for years to come, and it will be ALL on you! Coo-coo, bananas, and totally NUTS!

Lol I hear you. I didn't look at my situation as an A-List, B-List thing, but I guess that's essentially what it was. I guess in our minds, we sent out invites to people we definitely knew were coming (immediate family, wedding party) along with these extra people we didnt care for first. I think we went in having the mind set of "They're not coming anyway but we have to invite them because mom said so" Even to the point where my mom backed and supported this idea, and for the most part it did work. Some people did RSVP no, like we expected, actually most of them did, but we do have a few stragglers. Those stragglers would have to travel 6 hours to come to the wedding, and set up hotel stay and everything. And to me, if you haven't discussed anything with me after I sent you a reminder, My mind assumes that you weren't coming? But like others said apparently that's not a good idea so I'm just going to have my mom finish her job and follow up with these people anyway..

Yep thanks guys! I did re word the title and the post a bit, I hope that clears it up and portrays what I was really trying to ask!

How about having a couple overflow tables? If you have assigned tables obviously those tables will be filled up and then you could have one or two tables for people who didn't RSVP but showed up. That's 8-16 people you could have a place for without much extra effort on your part. I also think that a lot of caterers actually make extra food in case that happens.

SMART MOVE renaming coo-coo! Good luck with everything.

Thats what i was planning to do anyway! Our wedding is not big at all, we only invited a total of 94 people, but our venues can hold and accommodate for over 200. The budget wouldn't be an issue either IF we had people come without RSVPing, although I can understand how it still may not be a good idea since the caterer need to make enough food for the buffet. I guess I didn't see not following up as an issue because I really didn't expect these people to travel 6 hours to come in the first place.

Why would you send invites to people that you didn't really want there to begin with? Because that's what it sounds like. You want someone to tell you that it's ok not to follow up on RSVP's with out of town guests that live hours away and you haven't seen in years. If you need convincing that it's ok then you already know it isn't. What if no one RSVP's? Are you going to turn everyone away? Seems like too much work. Good luck!