UPDATED: Should I track down estranged family members and family friends who have not bothered to RSVP?

Second guest list?

I can't wait to see the responses from the community on this one..I may need to grab popcorn and a soft drink!!!! LOL

I personally called to confirm the response after the RSVP date and was shocked that 4 people were coming who I never thought would! They said they lost the card.

I was definitely annoyed about that!!!! If you would like to do that more power to ya.. I personally wouldn't handle it that way. I get where you're coming from though when you pretty much gave them every opportunity to RSVP and it obviously didn't make their priority list.

Second round of invitations? You mean the 'B' list? Did you have two different RSVP dates on two sets of invitations?

Yes I do have a second list! The first list consisted of extended family members that are states away. To me, if you didn't plan any accommodations or travel information with me, why would I expect you to come? Our wedding is about an hour away from where we live, so to me, why would you NOT RSVP? Why would you assume that we're expecting you if you have not spoken to us? I'm using my best judgement and will have room for those I have explicitly spoken to. But for random people like extended family, co-workers and the like? no, I'm not assuming you're coming and I don't understand why I have to track you down or stress out about an RSVP from you.

I second what Jaci and VC said. I'm getting my popcorn now. I find b-lists rude, personally, but I guess it's too late to talk that sense into you. However, I find it very rude that you're not following up. People have lives, they sometimes forget to RSVP. It's kind of like you don't want people on your "a-list" to attend so you can start inviting your b-list. Annnd yes it's also rude to have a "list" at the door like a club VIP list, turning people away. The only exception where that is ok is where the venue has tight security itself (like an army base) so they really won't allow anyone besides invited guests in.

So you didn't bother to double check with people on your A-list, then sent out invitations to a B-list. You do realize that means you could be over the number for your venue if people decide to show up from both lists that haven't RSVP-ed. What are you going to do if too many people show up? First come, first serve, too bad if you actually RSVPed?

Well I am going to totally ignore the fact that you have a B-list guest list which is just so.... no. But when the time comes are you REALLY going to want to turn people away at your wedding? You're supposed to be enjoying yourself not acting like a bouncer. I have a feeling you're going to have A-List (gag me) people RSVP and you'll already have given their seats away to the lowly people of the B-List. Also, if people find out they're on the b-list, they're going to be PISSED and rightfully so.

So if someone mailed in their card but it got lost in the mail or you overlooked it, you would turn that person away at the door? Wow. That's awful. Follow up with your guests. People make mistakes and forget things but it's no excuse to act like people should be clamoring to come to your wedding.

No TMNT, if people DID NOT RSVP from the first list, why should they be allowed in? I don't get that. It's not my job to sit there and call everyone. I have enough on my plate. The majority of the people on my A list are people that are like 6-7 hours away and it would not make sense for them to travel that far WITHOUT RSVP? Like I guess I'm crazy, but I don't see anything wrong with assuming they aren't coming honestly.

Your name couldn't be more fitting to this post. So have you been sending out invites to a B list as you receive declines from your "first round of guests"? This is beyond rude. Judging by your post, you are going to do everything you said no matter what we say, so I really don't know why you asked us. Do you really want to hear our advice on this? Because you're about to be told how rude you are being by a lot of people.

Consider this scenario for a second. I am your cousin who received an invitation from you. Excited to go, I RSVP'd, took off work, bought a dress, got a hotel, and purchased you a gift. But my RSVP got lost in the mail (it happens more than you think.) Not knowing that it was lost, but refusing to follow up with your friends and family because you can't be bothered to care, you assume I am not coming and invite someone else in my place. Me having no idea that my RSVP was lost, travel to your wedding and then am turned away at the door? Please tell me you can understand how incredibly rude that is. Because not being able to understand bananas for sure.

Rebecca, there were no mail in cards. I confirmed that everyone got their invitations and we are going the paperless route. All my guests had to do was click a few buttons online, text, e-mail or call, I don't see why there would be a communication issue honestly.

So wait, your FIRST list consists of "random" "extended family"? OK.

I don't think anyone has an issue with not preparing for uninvited guests. Ppl on here will have an issue with the following:

- B-list

- Not following up on anyone who hasn't RSVP (they get lost in the mail sometimes or it ends up int he spam folder)

It was also rude to expect RSVPs so early and to have a b list. Most people give RSVP dates of only a few weeks before the wedding, so your guests probably didn't realize how early you were asking for them. They might have assumed you were a reasonable person who would follow standard wedding etiquette.

Again, no possible way for these RSVPs to get "lost" I coded the website myself, and it will alert me if there was a failed attempt at logging in an RSVP, you can't :lose" a text or call either..

My cousin had someone at the door check the "guest list" for her wedding. She also had a lot of other things that ensured her wedding is still talked about 2 years later...and not in a good way.

If you don't want to follow up with people, cool, whatever. I would caution against turning people away though. It led to to a huge scene, and made the rest of us feel uneasy.

The other day there was a post about someone having 40 "unexpected" people show up at her wedding. The first thought I had was she didn't follow up with people who didn't rsvp. If you're okay with making a family member be a bouncer instead of being apart of your wedding, then you do you girl....

How about someone went to text or email you, but mistyped a digit and never knew? Assume the best of people instead of the worst.

Ok I can understand what you guys mean, I mean, I'm not completely stupid, close friends and family, who live CLOSE to us, of course, I'll give them a call. I didn't have enough room to type it out, but I meant people who are VERY FAR from us. Why would I assume they are going to make those travel plans without contacting us? Or people we really don't speak to or see all that much? That's what I'm getting at.

Wow, you sound like a lovely person. best wishes.

I agree with everyone else. Forget the B-listing being rude for a second. This just sounds like a logistical nightmare waiting to happen. Yes, it's a pain in the ass but following up is necessary if you don't want to risk your guests sitting on the floor eating Popeyes because there weren't enough seats and food.

I haven't sent out my invitations yet, but I selected an RSVP date that gives me time to contact anyone who hasn't RSVP-ed because it's the polite thing to do!

Also, I know first hand that invitations can get lost in the mail. I was contacted by my FBIL when everyone received STDs and he didn't. His got lost in the mail. I also contacted another FBIL when everyone received STDs for his wedding and mine didn't arrive. It got lost in the mail.

Did you at least check in with older relatives who may not be tech savvy enough to do an online RSVP? What if you read a text message RSVP and didn't write it down? I mean, do you know how often people read a text and forget to respond, only to realize days later that they never responded? What if someone typed your e-mail address in wrong when they were trying to RSVP? They would never know that you didn't get the RSVP. There are just so many things that could go wrong with electronic RSVPs and even with mailing back RSVPs. It's common courtesy to contact the guests who were invited.