So I get married next week! Can't believe it's finally here! We are doing a destination wedding in Jamaica.
I have been feeling a bit torn the past 2 months. I haven't talked to my mother in 10 years, shortly after my fiance and I met. I guess I am feeling a bit upset that I won't have my mother there on my wedding day. I wish I had a good mother/daughter relationship that most girls do. I find myself crying alone lately when I think about my wedding day and how she won't be there. My mother and father had a nasty divorce. She tried filling my head and my siblings head with BS about my Dad and their marriage. I always knew growing up they didn't have the best marriage, but figured since they were married for almost 25 years, they would be miserable together for the rest of their lives. But anyway, during their divorce process my mother and I had a really rocky relationship. I believe my mother may have a bipolar disorder too, which she has never addressed. Sometimes it is like walking on egg shells, because you don't know what mood she is in some days. She has no problem flipping out on you, especially in public, and I cannot stand that!
My mother and I are both stubborn people. I really don't want to be stubborn anymore, I am trying to do better. I was thinking about writing my mother a letter before I leave and mailing it to her, but I am still torn with do I really want to do this? As much as I do not want to be stubborn anymore, I am worried if I try to have a relationship with her again, once things get good, she is going to go back to her old self again? Not sure if I am ready for that.
My fiance cannot stand her either. He doesn't like how she has treated me in the past, before I stopped talking to my mother (theres more to the story). He said in the past he would support me if I wanted to talk to her again, but doesn't really know why, because she really hasn't changed. She hasn't talked to my sister in nearly 4 months, and my sister has no idea why, and my mother won't tell her either. Ugh! I hate this family drama! That is why I am so torn on what to do.