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Kayleigh
Just Said Yes July 2024

My sister insists on wearing a sexy dress...

Kayleigh, on June 7, 2024 at 10:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4

So, I have been having a LOT of trouble with my sister, who is also a bridesmaid, and the dress she is trying to pick out. My wedding will be a very small, intimate affair with mostly family and friends - but still formal. My other two bridesmaids have selected very nice but modest dresses - but my sister has picked (hasn't paid for yet) the most sexy dress she can find - corset front, low cut top, VERY bodycon, with a very tall slit up the side. My other bridesmaids have selected a halter neck with long skirt and another a billow sleeve long dress with high cut neck (she burns easy, and this is a summer wedding, so she wants to cover up for her own safety)

I told her the one she found in store was too sexy, and that if it wasn't something she'd wear to a funeral, it wasn't appropriate for a intimate family focused wedding. We aren't having this wedding at the Ritz nor is it an Influencer's wedding. So it makes no sense to wear something so flashy, especially since I sent her pictures of what the other bridesmaids ordered. She'd stand out like a sore thumb, and honestly, it's just not appropriate.

This isn't the only thing she's caused me to stress out over, but I need LESS things to stress out over. I've even sent her a plethora of other options she can find online that are modest, could be altered to look like the other dress once the wedding is over, etc. and she still found another of similar style saying it was "cute" - even though it was essentially the same as the one I alerady vetoed (not a V neck, but now an off the shoulder style of the same dress) and I am wondering how not to lose my cool?

The wedding is over a month away, so we are trying to find her something that is easily adjusted and fitted in time... and she hasn't even found an appropriate dress yet.

4 Comments

Latest activity by Yreka, today at 9:16 AM
  • E
    Rockstar August 2023
    Elly ·
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    I would have a serious heart to heart conversation with your sister about how you understand that her personal style is different than yours, but for your wedding, you want the bridesmaids to showcase more formal attire.

    I feel conflicted about advising you to have this discussion with a close family member or relative (like your mother, father, or an aunt) in this discussion as sometimes people can change their minds and not take your side. However, if you have a close family members, they can reinforce the points you are trying to make, and ultimately show your sister that her dress selection should consider your wishes because doing otherwise is selfish. Have a strategy for how you will approach your sister with them if you do, and how you will handle the situation if the meeting with your sister goes sour, and in the worst case, you drop her from your bridal party.

    Now, with that being said, people do have varying degrees of modesty, and what they consider appropriate. For example: Having sleeves may be a modesty requirement for some, but others may consider a long, formal dress with spaghetti straps okay. You mentioned that one of your bridesmaids has a halter neck, but, is it a "closed" or "key hole" halter neck as opposed to one with a v-neck? Also have a moment of self-reflection: Are your other bridesmaids a curvier, or larger build than your sister? If so, consider that certain cuts, albeit, more modest ones may look more flattering on them than your sister.

    In any case, you need to be clear with your sister that the dress needs to be floor length, and come prepared to show various neck lines that she can choose from, and what material you want the dress to be. Be open to ordering a second hand dress from Poshmark or a second-hand website just because of the time crunch. I would suggest being somewhat flexible when it comes to selecting shoes and jewelry as a compromise, or having her select from an array of options, especially if you have a family member present.

    If you have time, I would love to see the dresses your bridesmaids have chosen, and your wedding dress. I would like to help with photo suggestions of dress silhouettes if possible.

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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    Have you considered drafting your mom for help on talking to her? Or another close female relative? She might listen better not coming from you, since she’s been ignoring your attempts so far.
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  • Y
    Savvy November 2024
    Yreka ·
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    My thought would be, ONE conversation with her - maybe you, maybe your mom or a friend - and after that, I know it sucks, but you might just want to decide that her sticking out and looking inappropriate will be her problem, not yours. I know, it's your wedding day, the look is important to you. However, if she doesn't go along with it, the only ways to enforce your choice are to endlessly harangue her, or to remove her from the wedding party. Either of those will likely damage your relationship and add to your stress. Is that worth it to you to have your wedding party look a certain way?

    I agree she's being unreasonable, but I think that's how it falls for a one-time disagreement. To be clear, I'm not a fan of putting up with mistreatment to "keep the peace" with someone! Because of that, I personally would be willing to set boundaries when it comes to a pattern from this person. But your wedding will happen only once, so I would be more willing to let it go if my relationship with that person matters to me. And if it is part of a pattern, you might want to deal with the drama some time when it's NOT your wedding. Or, just ask her not to be in the bridal party. Of course she might wear a bodycon dress as a guest and stick out anyway in your small wedding! So it might still come down to "she can look ridiculous if she wants. Next problem!"

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  • Y
    Savvy November 2024
    Yreka ·
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    Another thought: In that one conversation, level with her about how much this is stressing you out. Not "look how much YOU are stressing me out," more like "I know clothing is very personal, but I am super stressed about the look of the wedding, and so many other things. I'd really appreciate it you would compromise with me and wear [one of the dresses I showed you] / [floor length] etc." You might get farther with that, than talking about what "makes sense" which is subjective.

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