Fiancé is unsure

One option is to get pre-marital counseling. A bit of the recommendation would depend on the circumstances of his proposal and how many years you have been in relationship with him. It does seem to be a warning sign that he is asking for another year to think about it. What would be different in a year?

It may be reasonable first to try the counseling but also to say you cannot be in uncertainty for another year.

He should have known before he ever proposed to you.

I wonder if some men think a year engagement is standard. I, myself, had to explain to my now husband that it's arbitrary. Some people take a year to save money. But, here in your case, your FS wants to add a year to re-evaluate you. I empathize as this is truly unfair and disheartening. Nothing magical happens at a year-mark. I recommend premarital counseling so you both can find the language to talk it through with a professional. Be cautious and determine if both of your life plans align. You do not want to commit to a partner and/ or have kids with someone uncertain. Best wishes.

Couples counseling would be ideal for your situation. It would be a good space for you both to determine whether your life plans and paths are compatible together, as well as talk through any issues. If he wasn't sure about your relationship, he shouldn't have proposed. It's also not fair for him to change his mind about marriage any time there's an argument between you. If you and he got married, would he consider divorce any time you argue? I would definitely put wedding planning on hold and go to couples counseling to determine where to go from here.

Im sorry you're going through this it sounds like 2 big life event s happening at the same time it's causing cold feet, as others have mentioned I d definitely consider couples counseling and also individual. It's not fair to string you along. If I were you I'd you can afford it yourself I d continue with the egg retrieval and freeze the eggs. This way you have them for the future. Wishing you all the best, big hugs.

I'm confused why he even proposed then if he wasn't sure. I also would hold off on any wedding or baby plans at this point because you don't want to end up having a child with someone who isn't even sure about your relationship.

I would definitely wait on starting IVF until he is sure about this, but honestly you're also sounding doubtful. I would recommend counselling for sure.

I agree with others that counseling (couples and individual) may be beneficial for you to work through these issues. There is a lot going on. I also agree it’s inappropriate for him to have proposed if he wasn’t ready. Out of curiosity, how long have you two been together? Needing a year to think about it seems a little excessive to me, but you also don’t want him to jump into something he doesn’t feel he wants because that won’t bode well for your future together.


As far as IVF, I would really take a step back. As someone going through it right now, it is ROUGH, and I absolutely could not imagine going through it without a supportive partner. If you are worried about your ovarian reserve, you could look into doing the egg retrieval and freezing eggs rather than embryos. But you both need to be 100% committed to get through IVF. And the added stress of your relationship issues can work against you in regards to IVF success.
I’m so sorry you’re going through so much, and I wish you the best in your journey.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I agree with the advice for couples counseling, I feel like this is very much needed in your situation. Definitely do not rush things rights now, because this sounds like a red flag, you deserve to be with a supportive partner who is sure he wants to be with you, start a family with you, and have kids. Maybe he is not ready for all that and it has nothing to do with you and is definitely not your fault, but the fact that he is changing his mind on such matters puts you in so much stress and uncertainty, and creates major trust issues. Please seek counseling help, and freezing the eggs is a great advice too. You got this, I wish you all the best with figuring it out!

How long have you been together and how old are you both. I ask because if anyone I had been with a reasonable length of time expressed doubts about me, I’d be the one having the major doubts. I’d insist on premarital counseling and if he doesn’t agree that would be my answer.

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I have to say, that it would be very difficult for me to proceed if my FH says lets postponed for a year. Me and my FH was in agreement of a two wait period only because we wanted to save and have an awesome wedding. But we both were in agreement.

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I think most of us would not appreciate a year long wait to consider again whether to be engaged again. Indeed a mutual agreed longer engagement is reasonable. This situation deserves an attempt to figure out if it could be resolved to both their benefit.