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Just Said Yes August 2024

moh can’t go to wedding 1wk before

Elena, on August 19, 2024 at 12:43 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4

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I am having a destination wedding that I have been planning for over a year now. My fiancé and I knew that by doing so a lot of friends and family might not be able to attend. We kept the guest list small. Due to the venue size we can only have a small amount of guests and if we go over we have to pay an additional amount per person. So we asked that everyone please let us know early on if they think they could make it or not. We set a date for everyone to let us know by. That worked and we came up with an amount of people that we knew were going to be there. Of course circumstances have occurred since to where some end up not being able to come they let me know months ago so still early on. Well my MOH has kept telling me she doesn’t understand how people are unable to go when they’ve had over a year’s notice. Although I know it’s frustrating, I completely understood why people wouldn’t be able to. In the meantime my MOH has had a lot of changes and things going on in her life. Including getting pregnant and having a baby. She assured me that nothing would stop her from coming to my wedding. She made arrangements for child care and has promised me that no matter what she was not missing the wedding. Has kept saying how excited she was. As the wedding got closer she still had yet to get a dress or make any travel arrangements. Again she promised she’d make it work and be there and still super excited about going. I have been really stressed with wedding planning and I know she has a lot going on in her life so I tried to let her know all the details the best I could without causing anymore stress in her life. Especially because after a while she would complain about money issues. Eventually she was complaining she was broke so much I told her that by her not having any money I thought it also meant that wouldn’t be coming after all. She told me she understood why I would think that and again reassured me that she would be there. She showed me dresses she was thinking of getting, ideas on what to do the weekend before, even asked if we could go and get our nails done together. I just trusted she would figure it all out and didn’t want to keep bombarding her with questions about it. She said she’d be there and have everything so I was just trusting that’s what will happen. A lot of people have told me not to get my hopes up and don’t expect her to be there since even a couple months away she still hadn’t had anything in regard to coming. When the bridal shower came she couldn’t make it because she was sick. So of course it had everyone speculating even more so if she’d make it to the wedding even wondering if her being sick was a lie. She’s my friend and she wouldn’t lie to me! They don’t know her like I do and I completely stuck up for her. I kept getting told I just don’t want you to be disappointed when she doesn’t end up coming. Last week a bridesmaid was making reservations for dinner the weekend before and she responded she would like to attend. The price of the dinner end up being really expensive. I messaged her as well as others letting them know that I understand if they can’t make it to that since it’s a lot of money. A lot of people including her said they weren’t able to go and they would join for dinner with a cheaper option the next day. Which is completely fine and everyone was on board with all the arrangements. I asked my MOH last Thursday what day she was wanting to get nails done. She never responded and I hadn’t heard from her all day or the next day. Finally Saturday she responded and said she has been putting off texting me because she knows I’ll be disappointed but she wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding because she can’t afford it and was expecting money to come in. She didn’t sound apologetic at all. Saturday marked 8 days before my wedding! I told her how hurt I was about it all that she would wait to tell me a week before. That everyone warned me that this was going to happen but I stuck up for her said she wouldn’t do that. She responded by being mad at me that I didn’t understand and that she knew I would react that way and sorry she chose family over coming to a friends wedding and to a city she never even wanted to go to. (Even though throughout this whole time she has told me how excited she was) after a big rant about how horrible of a person she must be to make that decision she did end the message with a bit of love. I messaged back letting her know I would never be mad that she couldn’t go because she can’t afford it and understand having to provide for her family. I would never be mad about that and so many others aren’t able to attend for that and various other reasons. What I’m mad about is that you wait a week before to tell me. That you promised over and over again that you’d be there no matter what. It’s been a whole day and I haven’t heard back from her at all. This whole process has been so stressful and so many things keep going wrong. I was so excited she’d be there as I don’t have many people going as it is. It felt so good knowing she’d be there with me and definitely helps ease the stress of everything having your best friend there. I’m at a loss on what to do or how to feel about it all. I feel really hurt about it. I would never want anyone to go broke or chose coming to my wedding over their children. A week before though?! Am I wrong in my reaction about it, wrong about feeling that way so close to wedding day? Just have no idea how to move forward with her and our friendship especially when she doesn’t seem the least bit apologetic about it.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 20, 2024 at 3:12 AM

Master October 2023
Cece · on August 19, 2024 at 5:04 PM
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I think if you love this person, she's been a good friend up until this incident, and you want to continue the relationship with her.... you just let it go. Waiting until a week before your wedding was a misstep on her part; but like you said, she was expecting money to come in. Perhaps she didn't find out until the last minute that wasn't going to happen. Or maybe she was holding out hope until the last minute that she would be able to figure out a way to go. I think her being defensive with you was a defense mechanism; I think lots of people act that way when they are embarrassed/ashamed. You've already voiced your disappointment. I think at this point you will just have to give her grace. I would let her know that you will miss her presence at the wedding, but would love to set up a time when you get back to grab lunch or coffee or cocktails.
Also, make sure you don't waste a minute of your destination wedding upset about her not being there. This is a once in a lifetime event, and it will go SO fast! Enjoy every minute of it!
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Rosebud · on August 19, 2024 at 5:20 PM
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Aw man that's a bummer but I wouldn't hold this against her. It's sounds like she didn't want to admit to herself she wouldn't be able to come up with the money and was holding out hope. Maybe she was even hoping you d help her with costs. At this point tell her she'll be missed and hope you can celebrate with her when you return and don't give it anymore thought . It's not worth your energy as most likely it'll only upset you. Focus on your joy and your love. Happy wedding 💙
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on August 19, 2024 at 11:00 PM
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Although it definitely sucks, I think this is the risk you take with a destination wedding. Costs the can add up very quickly and it becomes more expensive than you as a guest were originally planning. It sounds like she was hoping that she'd be able to attend but ultimately she can't afford to do so.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on August 20, 2024 at 3:12 AM
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Yep that's the risk with destination weddings, they are expensive, and not everyone can prioritize a wedding over their own expenses/needs. In addition, she's had a baby now, and leaving a baby for any length of time is not easy to arrange. It's too bad, but you can still go and celebrate with those that can be there.
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