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edecker
Super December 2024

Too much? - Roles cards / Bridal Party

edecker, on December 20, 2017 at 3:36 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 166

bridal cards Is it being bridezilla/extra of me to provide cards to my bridal party with their duties, details for the day, their attire, and (to be frank) what we expect them to pay for? I created one of these for Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Bridesmaids, and the Groomsmen. I've...

bridal cards

Is it being bridezilla/extra of me to provide cards to my bridal party with their duties, details for the day, their attire, and (to be frank) what we expect them to pay for? I created one of these for Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Bridesmaids, and the Groomsmen. I've seen people include these with their Bridal party gifts, but was wondering if anyone else had experience with this or thinks maybe its too demanding? The picture below is from Pinterest:


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166 Comments

  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    Honestly, receiving this with a bridal party invitation would make me decline said invitation. V extra. I wouldn't give these to anyone. A simple email will suffice for relaying any necessary information after people have accepted the invitation. And the only thing you should be expecting them to pay for is their attire for the day.

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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    Agree!!!!!!! I'm not super excited trying to meet minimum

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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated May 2018
    Katelyn ·
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    Just wanted to point out that you specifically asked for feedback on whether this was "too demanding/bridezilla/extra". If this were my concern, I would definitely have a good idea of how most people feel about it after this thread. Of course, you can choose to pay attention to the handful of comments that are in line with your thoughts on it because it's your day. Best of luck, have a blessed day!

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  • kbrands
    Super December 2018
    kbrands ·
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    If I got one of these as a bridesmaid I would feel more like I was only wanted for assistance rather than wanted as a friend to share in your special day.

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  • MrsMcK
    VIP September 2017
    MrsMcK ·
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    Yes, this would land you in bridezilla territory (not calling you names, but you specifically asked and used that term)
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  • BrandiWeds18
    VIP May 2019
    BrandiWeds18 ·
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    Theres been so many comments already. The only thing here i would give out is the contact information. Your details will change by 2019. You will only confuse them. Remember nobody cares about your day as much as you do. All of this may overwhelm and annoy them and you will come back on here mad they aren't doing their "duties".

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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    I think you definitely need to omit the role card. It doesn't provide any necessary information and comes across both cheesy and pushy. I don't mind the rest of it really, if you just tied them up as an information pack type thing. I like having all the information in one place and it's no different than sending them all an email. Just keep the attire section simple and to the point - the example is OTT

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  • CJ
    Dedicated September 2017
    CJ ·
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    A) I'm surprised the only comment you replied to was to appreciate the person who agreed with you. Why not answer some of the questions so we can better understand?

    b) Courthouse weddings are no less real than any other wedding.

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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
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    1) People know the basic things that being in a wedding entail. Most of the way the card's worded makes me think 'Duh, does she think I'm an idiot?'

    2) No one is going to forget where your wedding is without a little card to remind them

    3) When you pick a dress style (after discussing budgets individually!), you can just shoot a text


    Agree with others - if you sent me this I would be running for the hills. Way too much, way too soon.


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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    Your bridesmaids don't have enough to be responsible for that they would need to be this "organized" though. Dresses and timeline can be addressed in one text each. At best, this is going to be seen as cute but unnecessary, at worst it is going to be seen as rude/presumptuous.

    Also courthouse weddings are real weddings -- that comment is pretty uncalled for.


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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
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    Also in true 'validate me, don't opinionate me' WW fashion - OP only answers the ONE person who agrees with her idea.

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  • SuYa
    Master April 2017
    SuYa ·
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    The only one I find useful and not offensive is the day of timeline - Rehearsal and wedding. Even this can be given the week of or the day before, definitely not with their gifts. If you give it to them too far in advance they will forget a piece of paper. For ex. I gave my 2 BMs a printed copy of their readings about a month before, both forgot and read from their phones.

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  • Miaaa
    Super January 2018
    Miaaa ·
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    I agree with PP that this is over the top. It's not crazy offensive, but if I was your BM I'd be like "wow...ok..". For me to take anything this detailed seriously it should be at the onset of a week we're all spending together leading to a DW abroad where there might be fun activities or something every day lol. It's nice that you want to "introduce" your Bridal party to each other, but a facebook chat or group is enough. We have a facebook chat that works perfectly well. Putting this much detail waay ahead of time will lead to some changes later and make it awkward. I would 100% lose these. I prefer electronic means of communication so I can remember it or look it up quickly.


    I think a sweet hand written note to each of your bridal party about why you love them, want them to be there will be more than enough to let them know how special they are to you Smiley smile

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  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica ·
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    What are yours going to say?

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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
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    Pleeeeeeeaaaase don't give anything like this to anyone (your BP or you parents). It is very over the top and some of the stuff is very presumptuous, such as listing a bunch of duties and things they are expected to pay for.

    The only thing you can expect a BP member to pay for is a dress. They know they have to do that. It's your job to find out what each person is comfortable spending and then pick a dress that meets that requirement. If you require anything else, you pay for it. Their only duties are to get the dress and show up to the wedding with the dress. Anything else is, like I said, presumptuous to list as a duty. Helping with your wedding or throwing a shower or bachelorette party is optional. They shouldn't be told they have to attend a bachelorette party, and to list that as a duty would imply you expect someone to throw one.

    As for parents, it would be so rude to hand them a list of expectations and expenses. Your wedding is your responsibility to plan and pay for, unless someone else offers to help with tasks or finances. If I were a parent with a grown child, I would be mortified if my child and his or her FS handed me a list of wedding expenses they expected me to pay for. Please do not put your parents in that kind of awkward position by handing them cards like these, but that outline the duties and expenses you have for them.
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  • MAMW
    VIP August 2013
    MAMW ·
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    So the cards were better than I expected when I saw the title but I still will add to the chorus and say these are unnecessary and too much. Sending an email with most of this information will suffice. And I guess I'm a Grinch because I don't find anything on the "Roles" card cute, I'd probably roll my eyes the hardest at that one and then throw it away.

    I'm going to agree 100% with @BlueHenBride - please do NOT give these to either of your parents. If one of my son's fiancees gave me this, I don't even know what I would think, but it wouldn't be positive.

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  • C
    Dedicated March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    It depends on how you word if. I did this for my bridal party! I used it to tell them the colors and how I wanted their hair (I said I would prefer an updo but whatever hey we’re comfortable with would be fine). On my “your role” card I wrote “your role is to stand beside me while I marry the love of my life and to dance your butts off! Honestly, have the best time!” Don’t be depending. They’re your friends and they want to be there for you. A think a very light and heartfelt collection of cards would be better than telling them what you want them to pay for. Don’t demand. Congratulations!
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  • The Bride
    VIP May 2017
    The Bride ·
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    I would love to see the one for Parents of the Groom.

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  • MrsNerd
    Master October 2016
    MrsNerd ·
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    Personally I think this is over-the-top and annoying.
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  • Danielle
    VIP March 2017
    Danielle ·
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    But.....you literally asked “is it being bridezilla/extra of me” and nearly everyone responded to your question that yes it would be very extra.
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