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edecker
Super December 2024

Too much? - Roles cards / Bridal Party

edecker, on December 20, 2017 at 3:36 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 166

bridal cards Is it being bridezilla/extra of me to provide cards to my bridal party with their duties, details for the day, their attire, and (to be frank) what we expect them to pay for? I created one of these for Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Bridesmaids, and the Groomsmen. I've...

bridal cards

Is it being bridezilla/extra of me to provide cards to my bridal party with their duties, details for the day, their attire, and (to be frank) what we expect them to pay for? I created one of these for Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Bridesmaids, and the Groomsmen. I've seen people include these with their Bridal party gifts, but was wondering if anyone else had experience with this or thinks maybe its too demanding? The picture below is from Pinterest:


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166 Comments

  • Ashley
    Dedicated March 2018
    Ashley ·
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    I would also lose cards. I prefer to receive important information electronically, so all I have to do is search my email or text instead of searching my entire home for a tiny card. Even wedding invitations, they are either go on my fridge or a take a picture of it with my phone.

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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    We still think it’s too extra but you do you boo.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    While it's very thought out, its overwhelming, and too much, so it's unnecessary.
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    It would have helped to make that clear in your OP. If you haven't made them or done anything with them, don't.

    It's so unnecessary.

    I've been a BM multiple times and I figured it all out without a card. We used FB, email, texting, and calling to organize everything. We didn't get a card with any of that stuff and it'd honestly get tossed as soon as I got home. I live my life on my phone and computer. If it's not on my google calendar or on my phone calendar it doesn't exist. This would just really rub me the wrong way.

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  • Megan
    Expert June 2018
    Megan ·
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    I think I understand your intent behind these, but if I'm honest, as a bridesmaid these might instill a feeling of foreboding that would make me very reluctant and uncomfortable. I would feel super micromanaged. They come across as a tad condescending.
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  • CJ
    Dedicated September 2017
    CJ ·
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    What are you including on your cards? When I asked my girls I just gave them the date and let them know there'd be a rehearsal the evening before in the letter I wrote them to ask. I didn't have any of this other info at that point.

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  • VC
    Super April 2018
    VC ·
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    Maybe you shouldn't have posted a picture of the "EXAMPLEEEE" and instead included what you wanted us to think you meant, because the picture you posted is the definition of micromanaging and was construed by myself and PPs appropriately as such. We don't read minds, sorry.


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  • Kristen328
    Super September 2018
    Kristen328 ·
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    Still unnecessary IMHO but it sounds like you have your mind made up
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  • kt90210
    Dedicated October 2017
    kt90210 ·
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    Again with the BM proposals...I still don't understand why a simple conversation can't be held where you just ask them to be a BM. But I guess I am just old.

    With that being said, to answer your question: "Is it being bridezilla/extra of me to provide cards to my bridal party with their duties, details for the day, their attire, and (to be frank) what we expect them to pay for? I created one of these for Parents of the Bride, Parents of the Groom, Bridesmaids, and the Groomsmen. I've seen..." the answer is "Yes" respect these people as the adults they are and trust them to be able to organize themselves. I too am very organized and I only needed to send out 1 email 2 weeks before my wedding with the timeline. I would be very overwhelmed and likely find a polite way to decline if I received all this information up front.

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  • OctobersVeryOwn
    Dedicated October 2017
    OctobersVeryOwn ·
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    A week before my wedding, my DOC got my day of timeline together and I emailed it to the bridal party. That's all they really need. I deleted the extra stuff and left the information that they really needed. I would leave this out.

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  • BB-H
    VIP September 2018
    BB-H ·
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    I understand where you're coming from, but I agree that the idea of writing out cards for these kinds of things just seems kind of unnecessary. If you're going to ask them, don't inundate them with information, just ask and let that moment carry on it's own. You'll have time to get details to them later, and with less of a chance of overwhelming them or making them feel like you're overbearing.

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  • HowCo Industries
    VIP September 2018
    HowCo Industries ·
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    There are aspects of this I like! I like a cheat sheet of names, because I've been an old friend traveling to a wedding where I don't know anyone. I don't think asking your bridal party tl not wear peep toes is demanding, I think it's good to know info. That all being said, it's pretty extra.
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  • Pham
    Dedicated November 2018
    Pham ·
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    I don’t think it’s rude but definitely being extra. I think the only part I’d omit is the bachelorette party since sometimes people can make it due to finances or other priorities. I sent most of that info over by email. None of BMs know each other but i dont think they need the full scoop on each other
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  • Kimberly
    Devoted November 2018
    Kimberly ·
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    I'm a bridesmaid for a friend and it's helping me gain a lot of perspective for what to do and what not to do for my wedding. We have a group chat on Facebook so we're all communicating through there about where we need to be/when/and with what. I have every intention of asking "what can I help with" when I get there because I want to help, but for my wedding there will be no specific roles or anything. We'll talk at the rehearsal about what the day will look like, and I might ask my maid of honor to make sure to fluff out my train once I'm down the aisle. Other than that, I don't need anything from them. I should add that I don't think your list is too demanding I just think it's unnecessary. I'm crazy about organization so I'm writing things down for my own brain, but I'm not planning on handing things out to them. Also my wedding party information will be on our wedding website and any emails and phone numbers that need to be exchanged will be exchanged through group text or Facebook.

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  • OGest Gretchen
    Savvy November 2018
    OGest Gretchen ·
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    I would forgo these. They might upset some of your bridesmaids and come off as demanding. I personally would not want to receive one of these
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  • C
    Dedicated August 2023
    Chanel ·
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    I honestly, think its cute. A tad unnecessary and a little cheesy ... but cute. You aren't demanding anything outrageous... It comes off as playful to me. The "my ladies" is a good way for the ladies to keep in contact with themselves, get to know each other and hopefully, brainstorm solutions before stressing you out with them. I'm super organized so I would appreciate the "Our Day" card. I'd want to know ahead of time what's going on.

    Lastly, either they want to wear your suggested attire or be a guest. It's simple. I feel like a lot of women on here are butt hurt when it comes to BMs in general and are super sensitive. Yea, you are asking someone to spend money and be apart of your day... but that does not mean you don't have an opinion or preference about how you want things to go/look on your day.

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  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME ·
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    This is way unnecessary. Too extra. Texting is a thing. you can text them what time make up starts. you can text them the time and date of RD. you can text them the airport and hotel information. They don't need a role sheet. They are adults. I'm getting married in two months and this is just something I would never embarrass myself by doing to other adults.

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  • edecker
    Super December 2024
    edecker ·
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    I appreciate this comment so much. It is meant to be an organization and communication help and for organized people we love stuff like this! I am the first in my family to have a real wedding (ie. not courthouse) so my cousins and sister (who have never been bridesmaids before) would presumably enjoy the cards and the info. Having it all laid out from the get-go makes day of things go smoother.

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  • Christie
    Dedicated October 2018
    Christie ·
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    I agree with the majority. Not trying to rain on your idea, but I would not like receiving this as a BM...regardless of the actual words used I think it would come off poorly.
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  • Mrs.hays
    VIP April 2018
    Mrs.hays ·
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    Uhh yeah, I think it’s too much. Your bridesmaids don’t have duties other than buying the dress that they’re going to wear and standing by you at the wedding. I would be very irritated if I got a card saying what I had to do.
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