Thinking about demoting my Maid of Honor...HELP!!!

@JanetSnakehole that's literally not what I said. I said my friend did this because her MOH didn't care enough. Maybe reread what I said.

Also, have a talk with her. Don't demote anyone. If you're ready for the friendship to dissolve, go for it.

OP ignore people who don't read the comments, they happen a lot.

If you're doing to dump this friendship, don't take her out. Do it over the phone or at her house. Then you can hang up or leave whenever. Not at your house, because you can't force her to leave.

And I agree, don't "promote" anyone else.

@Catlady, How would you suggest going about this? I'm concerned because she fake cries a lot (admits to doing it to make people feel bad when they make her mad) so doing it in public anywhere is going to be an issue.

Also, I don't mean "promote", that was bad wording! There's a BM who has been asking my MoH about certain things, MoH doesn't respond for weeks or when she does she tells her some bullshit, so that BM ends up doing it herself. IE my bachelorette party; I mentioned to MoH MANY times that I'd prefer to not go to a club or bars for my bachelorette party, because that's not what I'm into, and that'd I'd kinda just like to do a sleepover with the girls and drink some and watch movies and stuff. She laughed at me and said "WTF, no we're not doing that. You don't have a sleepover for your bachelorette party, we're going to a club." she's said this every time I mention it, even though I tell her no, I really don't want to. So my BM has tried consulting her about it and she wouldn't respond to her, now my BM is planning the bachelorette party and my MoH is pissed.

@Penny, that's what I'd prefer to do, but I feel like owe her a "breakup" in person instead of over text. It'd be so much easier to do over text, but damn

Well, you said she is ignoring you so you can't really "break up" with her in person. I would reach out to her via text, but not to dump her ass. Make sure she is okay and see if something is happening in her personal life.

Ya know, be a friend.

You don't. It's rude.

By the way, no one has to throw you a shower or bachelorette party. Demoting her will most certainly ruin your friendship but if you don't care just pull the trigger and do it.

I wonder if OP missed my comment...

I agree, over the phone is best. If you want to do it in person, do it at her house so you can leave whenever you want.

I'm echoing @catlady - calling her to me is just as good, you need to have a legit conversation with her. But I'm the kind of person that would also give her to the opportunity to save herself. Just talk to her about how her behavior has really been hurting you and your friendship. You don't think the way she treats you is how a friend would, and ask her what her explanation or response is. If she doesn't agree or want to amend her behavior say, "well, i can't continue our friendship with the way you are currently treating me, especially if you don't think there's a problem. I don't want you to be a part of my wedding anymore."

@KD, again. I've asked her. No response. Don't think its going to do any good to ask a third time.

@JD, Yep, I know. Well aware.

@Catlady, that sounds like a good plan, thanks! I hadn't thought about doing it over the phone, I assumed that was kind of the same as text, but you make a good point on that

@bemy, just saw your comment! Thanks!!

She doesn't owe you a party. Wtf is she even meeting with your vendors for anyway?!?? It would be one thing if you've grown apart and you feel your friendship isn't as close as it has been (even though I still wouldn't kick her out over that) but then you go on to complain that she hasn't planned any parties for you. So I think I know what the real issue is. She hasn't devoted enough time and money to celebrate yoooooouuuuuu.

@mini, very good advice, thank you!

K squared, exactly. She's not living up to her glitter covered slave role.

I've been really frustrated with my MOH too. She's my sister and I have a really hard time with her following through on things. She asked if she could help by doing A, B and C. I told her that it would be great if she could do A by ___ date. She hasn't follow through on any of them and I get really frustrated. I've learned to give her very low stakes tasks when she asks for them and to make sure that it's something she's interested in doing. It really helped me to remember that MOH is not a job. It's an honor.

I did have to rescind my offer to a BM in January this year. It had to do because of her use of hard drugs and other reckless behaviors. It was really hard but I felt like I had to do it. It ended the friendship which was hard but I don't regret the decision.

Good luck!

@Taylor why are you giving your bridal party "tasks"? I planned my wedding with my DH. I didn't ask my BMs to do it. Their only "tasks" were to buy a dress, show up at the rehearsal dinner, and show up at the church on time.

You sound like a peach.

@Ksquared, read my previous comments if you're that concerned.

@JD, what was the comment you hid?

@Taylor, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. My issue is I can't give her small tasks because she butts into everything and acts like it was her decision. Hell, when we went shopping for my dress I was trying to decide between the one I ultimately ended up going with (which apparently was picked out by one of my BMs) and another dress I loved (which was picked out by my MoH). A couple weeks later when I went to purchase the dress, I told MoH which dress I decided on and she got mad because it wasn't the one she picked...I didn't know who picked what dresses until that moment but goddamn, what does it matter? Its my dress!

@KSquared, you can believe it or not believe it, whatever you want. I posted about her being a bad friend, just didn't go into detail in my OP, I evens stated that I was mentioning the first things that popped into my head. Sorry, don't know what to tell you. People change, unfortunately its not always for the better. Consider yourself lucky it hasn't happened to one of your friends. You can't always gauge how someone is going to turn out.

I've read through everything, and it does seem like you've done all you can, OP. To be honest, I'm typically against "demoting", but I honestly don't see this friendship being salvaged, and I don't even think you should desire a salvaged relationship with someone who can be so mean- people's personality rubs off on those who surround them, so I'd keep someone like this at arm's length for my own sake.

Also, MOH is a big deal, and you will not have any pictures of your bridal party without her in them. Is that what you want? I wouldn't want my future kids to see someone like that in my pictures. And no, not because I view people as props- because I want to answer my children, when they ask, that the people closest to me were my nearest, dearest friends when I got married.

Just do it over the phone. nobody wants to be dumped in public anyway and it's easier for you. Maybe write down a few lines of what you want to say to be prepared. Good luck.