Thinking about demoting my Maid of Honor...HELP!!!

Did she not pass her last performance review? You didn't hire her so you cannot demote her.

This would be a friendship ending move.

If she's not a good person why is she MOH?

Oh boy. You're stuck. You can't "demote" anyone, because you are supposed to ask people to be in a wedding party based on who is nearest and dearest to you. Bridesmaids and MOHs don't have to do anything besides buy the dress (which I disagree with anyway) and show up for your wedding. There are other things the bridesmaids *usually* do (sometimes begrudgingly), but you are NOT entitled to a bachelorette party or bridal shower. If you really don't care about your friendship with this person, "demote her" (i.e., kick her out of your wedding party), but your friendship will be ruined. Otherwise, suck it up and stop expecting her/your bridesmaids to plan things for you/your wedding.

Did you ask her how much she's comfortable spending on a dress?

She doesn't have to plan any parties for you.

You don't get to clock her cash flow or her spending.

She doesn't have to like the other people in your BP.

Kick her out if you want, but you'll be losing the friendship. Your life, your choice.

Demoting her won't help. Sounds like she either needs to stay in her MOH role or either not in the bridal party at all, which then I assume might end the friendship. Yeah talk to her about how shes making you feel in person instead of text

This does not sound like a legit post. Just sayin'.

I have a hard time comprehending how so many people's CLOSEST FRIENDS somehow go from bestie to crazy once they're asked to be MOH. Is this a thing? Am I missing something? Or do all of these people (from every "demote a bridesmaid/MOH" post just suck at choosing friends?

My guess is if you "demote" her, she'll totally pull out of the wedding.

To respond to a few people:

I had talked to all the girls prior about what they'd be comfortable spending on dresses before we even went and looked, she said she was comfortable spending $250 or less, then when the time came and we were with the other girls she got mad at the price of the dress. I don't expect her to do anything she can't afford, hence why I asked before hand in private.

I have tried talking to her about what's going on, why she's been acting the way she has, and she just ignores it. We used to be really good friends, that's why I asked her to be my MoH, she's only within the last year or so become this way.

As for people saying she doesn't "owe me" any parties, that's obvious that she doesn't. I wouldn't out right expect someone to throw me a party. She told me herself when I first got engaged and asked her that she was SO excited to plan all this stuff for me, that everything was going to be a surprise, and that she would consult with my bridesmaids about everything. She has openly told me at this point that she doesn't like my bridesmaids when they've been nothing but nice to her and try to get to know her and she ignores them.

I don't expect her to be my "slave", she nagged me about helping plan until I finally let her come to a few meetings I had with the vendors, I obviously wasn't just sending her off to meet with my vendors...

Speaking as someone who had issues with her MOH, don't "demote" her.

She doesn't have to plan any parties for you, and her finances aren't really your business. Did you ask her about a budget?

If you have issues with the way she's acting towards you or members of the BP, talk to her. Be direct and tell her how she's making you feel. In person.

Unless you're ready for the friendship to be over, you kinda have to just deal with it. Talk to her, and if the conversation doesn't fix anything and you're done with the friendship, then by all means ask her to step down and attend as a guest. But it's probably not going to go over well. And if you do "demote" her, please don't ask another BM to step up as MOH. If you kick your MOH out, you just don't have one. You'd be sending the message to all of your BMs that in your eyes they're expendable and can be shuffled around however you see fit.

I'm with @Rae

Just don't. I really wanted to do the same, but it would end the friendship. My other bridesmaid did my hair and makeup, dyed my extensions and made all of my centerpieces. My moh didn't even get me a gift for my wedding. Just don't bring it up. Honestly, titles just determine where the bridesmaids stand for pictures

Have you tried talking to her about anything other than YOUR wedding? No one is as excited or involved as the engaged couple. You are the only one who has wedding on the brain 24/7. Maybe she has things going on in her life that you don't know about.

Just end it. Do it in a public place, if she is making it harder for you to enjoy your wedding planning you need to focus on you and your future husband and not her. She has her own life, if she was a true maid of honor she would make your life so much easier. I say just get it over with, just like a bandage.

@Rae they were shitty friends to begin with is my suspicion. Instead of acknowledging that, people still pick their shitty friends and expect because it is their wedding they will magically change and be the bestest friend ever. I also suspect people pick people based on what they think they can do not their relationship. Usually the line they can afford it, they make more money than everyone else etc is a hint towards this

@meghan, That's kind of what I'm thinking about doing. Just letting it ride out. Its to the point that she's been so horrible toward me, my fiance, and my BMs that I probably wouldn't care about losing this relationship with her, but at the same time I'd rather not hurt her.

Why do people insist on treating friends as employees?

I hope you at least have a good benefits package.

Maybe you can get your wedding HR dept to do the dirty work.

Newsflash; you're not running Apple. You asked her based on your friendship and she stays. You don't 'demote' her.

I'm going to be the odd ball out and probably get yelled at for my opinion. While yes no one has to do anything for anyone but its also common sense that it is the bridal party who helps plan those things for the bride. Especially if you have spoke about wedding planning prior to even being engaged or with your FH/H. I know I grew up talking about it with both my MOH and BM. Just my opinion but it's kinda what you sign up for when you agree to be in someone's wedding. Also the cost of the dress is honestly not that much, especially when you can go to a lot of stores and pay that much for an everyday dress or pants/shirts. OP i think you have to go to her and ask her if she would prefer to just be a BM instead of being MOH. You both are adults and should be able to handle someone confronting you, there is no need to hinder your happiness for her feelings. Sorry if my opinion isn't following the typical responses

My MoH and I have grown apart, she's not a good person. *Praytell, how do you get to say who is good and who is not?

She's rude to all my bridesmaids, she's rude to me and my fiance, she has not made any effort to plan anything towards my Bachelorette party or Bridal shower, *You do understand she doesn't have to do this, right. Your attitude is coming off as entitled.

she's been rude to vendors we've met with. *Why is she meeting with vendors?

She made a huge deal about the price of the bridesmaids dresses me and all the other girls liked ($190) when she makes double what the rest of us make. *You don't know her financial position unless you are her tax accountant AND have access to mattress stuffing methods she may use.

Any time I try mentioning one of the other girls in the wedding she gets jealous and passive aggressive. *How and why are you mentioning these things?

I'm over it and I don't want her to be my MoH any more, *Let it go

I'm just so anxious about it. I want so badly to just do it over text because I know she's going to blow up on me, but I know I should do it in person. *That is a weenie move

Anyone have any advice?? *Ask her how she is doing. Is there anything she needs you for. Be nice. Be calm. Be understanding.