Thinking about demoting my Maid of Honor...HELP!!!

Ok, thanks to everyone for making me seem like a shit person. Wtf? When you agree to be in someone's wedding, especially as an MoH, there's certain things that are expected of you. When did that change?

Thanks to people that are actually giving me advice instead of just saying how shit of a person I am!

@Chantel I really hope that is sarcasm.

@OP, your wedding isn't everything and all encompassing to others. They're busy with their own lives. Demoting her because she's not doing this up to your expectations is a dick move. Lower your expectations instead of your MOHs rank in your bridal party.

@Keisha, I think you're right. I know at least 1 person who picked her MOH based on the fact that they could best afford it. Worst part is the girl she wanted to pick (i.e. the one she's closest with) knows why she wasn't picked! Nonsense.

You are not entitled to anything. She doesnt have to do anything. Nothing changed. Either people offer to or they dont. Get over it. We didn't make you sound like a shit person, your own posts did.

We can't call you a shit person. It's against the rules.

No one said it so if you feel that way, well...

Certain things that are expected...wear the dress, show up on time relatively sober.

That changed in about 1 BC.

You did get advice, but there was no name calling.

@Rae The running theme with these posts is that the MOH can afford their 'duties' or they are spending money on other things. If people were so concerned about the friendship they wouldn't bring up money. No one asks how they can fix the issue. They always have someone that is more willing or has been doing more to step in

ETA: Clarity

Life happens, circumstances change.

Maybe she was fine paying $250 for a dress back when you asked her budget but something may have happened and now she can't afford it or she changed her mind and doesn't want to spend that much on a dress.

You say she ignores it when you try to talk to her about what's going on. Have you considered that maybe she's not ready to talk about it yet?

Do not demote her unless you want this friendship to end. Hang out with her as you normally would before you got engaged and started planning your wedding. Maybe she'll open up if the focus of the day is not on your wedding.

OP, it does seem like you've done all the right things, but you're going to have to just let this go. Lower your expectations, stop talking wedding things with her, etc. If she doesn't buy the dress she doesn't stand with you, she can attend as a guest. Focus on your FH and your wedding and if after you don't want to talk to her again, you don't have to.

Keep communication to a minimum so you don't keep encountering these issues.

And I agree, something else seems like it happened, but there's some advice for you based off what you've told us.

Did you talk to her about your feelings? Maybe she is feeling pressure by your wedding also, I think a good conversation will resolve the problem and you both be happy. I had some problems myself but for more that I am hurt I am not going to take them off my wedding. Good luck

Is it possible she's jealous? Does she have a guy/girl in her life? My BM didn't want to talk to me about really anything pre engagement because I was in a good place with my now FH. I even felt I needed to walk on eggshells when I told her I got engaged. Now that she has a boyfriend and they moved in together she loves asking about wedding planning and all of it. Honestly I don't think it teaches anyone anything in life if we are always beating around bushes to avoid hurt feelings. Maybe I'm young and naive and my advice is totally worth nothing or maybe I've just realized honesty is better than people being fake nice. OP you have to do what you feel is the best for you and your wedding and your life post wedding. Don't lower your expectations to those around you.

ETA my friend did come out and say she was jealous that I was happy and she kept having shit luck with all her relationships. Jealousy does happen especially when people aren't 100% confident in themselves or their relationships.

God i hate it when women assume others are "jealous" of their engagement.

$190 is way more than I'd want to spend on a bridesmaid dress, just sayin

OGK you and me both.

@OG - My thoughts exactly. Like your biggest accomplishment worth being jealous over is a party... Or maybe no one cares about your wedding more than you. So, there's no point in getting mad when people don't fawn over you.

Have you asked her if she still wants to be your maid of honor? Ask her to lunch and just be up front. Honestly I have questioned my moh because she didn't find her dress I had to. She wasn't calling me back or anything and she lives a state away so it's not like she heard me talking about my wedding all the time but I decided I picked her for a reason and I am still happy with my decision.

OK.

She's not a good friend plain and simple. Does a good friend constantly put you down and make fun of you? Does a good friend openly hate you bridesmaids (by her own admission) for no reason other than "I was your friend first"? Does a good friend talk shitty to your fiance? Does a good friend ignore you completely when you try to reach out to her and ask her if everything is okay?

I have tried. I have reached out to her twice now asking what's up, but she doesn't acknowlege me. In person or over text. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry you all think I'm concerned about her money because I mentioned one thing about her being upset about the price of a dress. She openly talks continuously about how she makes so much more money than me. I got a promotion recently and mentioned my excitement to her and she said "When you start making $___ like me, let me know. Its so much better. I don't know how you get by, I could never go back to making less than $___".

She didn't used to always be like this. Obviously if I had known she was going to end up being this awful to me I wouldn't have asked her to be my MoH.

I'll probably delete this before too long. Sorry to upset you all.

OGK it is super annoying. Maybe people started acting all entitled and selfish when they got engaged. Maybe that is the reason for the so called 'jealously'

Why did you make a terrible person and horrible friend your MOH?

@OG, like I said in the post above, She wasn't like this before. We've been friends for years and she was never like this. I obviously wouldn't have chosen her as my MoH if I had known she would be this way.

Then TALK TO YOUR friend. Maybe there is something wrong in her life. Your wedding is one day, a friendship can last forever.