Thinking about demoting my Maid of Honor...HELP!!!

No one said you were a shit person. I think you are acting on emotion. Take a step back and breathe.

Let it go. Her actions are a reflection on her, not you. But by bringing up her finances, you painted yourself in a different light. My finances are just that, MINE. I would be pissed off if someone thought my money and how I spend it was any of their business.

At this point, unless you want to torch that friendship, you just have to let it go. I have no clue why you asked her to be in your wedding, but that ship has sailed.

@OG, again, quoted from my post above...

"I have tried. I have reached out to her twice now asking what's up, but she doesn't acknowledge me. In person or over text. I don't know what to do anymore."

@Janet - I'm sorry your MOH isn't being a good friend. Regardless of anything wedding related, it sounds like she doesn't really give a shit about treating you or your other friends properly. I would address it one last time face-to-face and either say if you can't adjust the way you act towards me, i don't see how we can continue to be friends, or tell her that you've been pushed past the limit and you no longer want her a part of your wedding. This will most likely terminate the friendship, and you should be prepared for that.

FYI, i love your name....I'm a massive parks fan!!!

Oh Sweetie, we're not upset, just concerned. Sounds like a big change in her personality.

When she does and says the things you listed, what is your reaction?

I have said time and time again. I asked her to be my MoH because she WAS a good friend of mine. She has SINCE become a bad person. Not just to me, not just to the people involved in my wedding, there are many things she has since done that don't even affect me personally that she's told me about that are horrible. I'm not going to go into all of that, because what's the point, but damn. I wouldn't have chosen her had I known how she would turn out.

Again with the money. She outright came to me after I asked her to be my MoH and offered to pay for a ton of stuff, I told her not to worry about the stuff she offered (Which would have been around 1k all together), all I want her to focus on is getting her dress. I didn't mention "Hey, btw pay for all the parties too", because that's crappy to do.

Janet Snakehole? One and only thread on the WW forums. Calling troll.....

@Nonna, when she does the things I mentioned, I call her out on it and let her know I don't appreciate it. She laughs at me and changes the subject or leaves all together.

@futuremrs, lol no, just a parks and rec fan. This is my first time posting on the forums because this is the only issue I've had when it comes to planning. Sorry?

I don't think all my clothes added up come to 190, lol.....

@Celia, different area maybe. Everyone I've spoken to from where I live has said that $190 is cheap for a bridesmaid's dress. Every wedding I've been in I've had to pay anywhere from 250-400 for dresses.

OP I'm sorry, because this girl sounds less and less like a real friend every time you post.

Keep reaching out. I know it's hard, but it does sound like something has happened in her life. She may never want to talk, which sucks, and you may just lose a friend.

As we grow, we realized some relationships are toxic and not worth holding on to. This may become one of those relationships. For now, nix all wedding talk with her and just focus on the relationship between the two of you. You will just have to suck it up on your wedding day. Maybe get ready alone or just with your mom to eliminate having to see her the morning of. After, you can see how the friendship goes and reevaluate.

I'm sorry I can't give better advice, and I'm sorry she's choosing now to show her true colors. You will get through it though!

Aren't you required to give her a couple of performance reviews before you demote her, check with HR, consult the union? Do you live in a state with at-will bridal employment? Will you need to offer her a severance package? There's a lot to consider.

And also, it's not a job.

In all seriousness, don't think about this as roles in your wedding. Think about this in terms of friendship. Do you or do you not want this woman to be in your life anymore?

OP maybe @Blanca is right, she could be jealous, even closest friends get jealous, it is a natural feeling that some people don't know how to manage it. and she is showing it to you in a bad way. I have read so many post about MOH and BM are not entitled to do anything and show up on a dress,, but I completely disagree. When someone accepts to be a BM or MOH, that person knows that is some work involved, even if that "job" is just to listen to the bride. I'll put it this way so people can understand.....

If you do volunteer activities of any kind (shelter, rescue mission, soup kitchen, nursing home) you don't get pay for it and you are not entitled to do all the work, but if you sign up for it, you have the common sense that it has to be some work involved. You are not going to a nursing home or a soup kitchen just to look pretty. you sign up because you are happy to serve others and you know you have to work in some capacity. Being in a Bridal party is the same, you are not obligated to do anything, but if you are asked to be a MOH or a BM and you agree, you know there is some work involved and you have to be happy doing it.

@BeMy Thanks, I wish it wasn't this way. The thing is, she tells me about EVERYTHING (Whether I want to hear it or not) that happens in her life, her family's lives, friends lives, everything. So if something major did happen that has made her act the way she has been, I'd be shocked if didn't tell me! I hope this all pans out.

@Janet don't let people get you down. No, MOHs and BMs don't have responsibilities or duties to throw parties, but if my friend offers to throw one and then ghosts, i would not be happy. This girl doesn't sound like a good friend and if she is going to ruin this for you and you dont want to be friends anymore, then i would let her know that. But if you're willing to ride it out, then that's an option too. Just realize that you might not have the bridal shower or bachelorette that she promised you.

My girls paid $80 for dresses. $190 seems a bit steep.

You need to be a adult and handle the situation as it doesn't pertain to your way. You need to act like a friend. Invite her out for drinks talk to her. Find out what's wrong. If she ignores communication with you, then I think that that's an indication that maybe she herself no longer wants to be a part of your wedding. Maybe you would be doing each other a favor.

Maybe whatever Behavior she has going on is something you have no idea about because you've been so focused on your wedding.

Call her, go out for a drink, be friends. Then you can decide what to do for your wedding mutually

Noooo, please don't do this. Goodness.

I watched two best friends ruin their life-long friendship because he bride didn't think the MOH "cared enough". She didn't even show up to the wedding.

Don't. Do. This.

@Delfina its to the point where I honestly don't think I want to be friends with her at all.

@MariaPaz I couldn't have put it any better myself! Its not a matter of "You agreed to be in my wedding, spend all your money whenever I want!", anytime I've been in a wedding I already know I'm going to have to spend money. If I can't afford it at the time, I say no. Simple as that.

@Richard, that's exactly what I want to do. How would you suggest going about this? Taking her out to lunch or something to announce my intentions doesn't exactly seem like the best idea...I don't know how I could do it in person without us being in public, which makes is harder because I know she's going to cry (She fake cried A LOT and admits to fake crying to try and make other people feel bad when they make her mad).

OP I agree with @BeMyGuest. It certainly sounds like you did everything right. I'm sorry your MOH is being like this. If it's easier to just ride it out, then do that. Keep trying to talk to her in the meantime, but if she doesn't want to tell you what's going on, you can't force her. I'm really sorry this is happening. And I do think $190 is a little expensive, but if she said that was in her budget, then what I or anyone else thinks of the price is irrelevant. Good luck!

@Katie, its not that she doesn't "care enough". Go back through and read my comments about how toxic she is. Obviously I'm not a bitch who decides "Oh ok, you don't want to do stuff for my wedding? You're a bad person because of that and I'm done with you."