Sister and Stepfather--just Need to Know It's Okay--passive Aggressive Behavior

View Quoted Comment This is where I got that from. I stated i understand being upset with her but everyone is coming for your wedding it’s not right to tell them Wednesday then say if it rains it’ll be Thursday

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Because we have a permit for 17 total. That's the person performing the ceremony, the musician, us and 13 guests.

Dinner is capped at 15 for the place we chose or we have to rent out a room.

Okay re invites, that's what I thought, but last month someone else talked about this and people insisted that even for DW you never send more than a month in advance.

THANK YOU

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You're right, a beach wedding was totally out of the question for me, because I live at the beach in Florida and I know how unpredictable weather is here. I also have guests travelling over 1000 miles to my wedding and 150 couples or 5 couples I wanted everything to be set in stone, location, time, DAY, without any weather hiccups or disruptions.

I've snorted my coffee out at a lot of this thread.

You basically answered my next point. Your wedding only might be one day, and you might have only asked people to come for one day (or, two, I guess...) but you even priced out how much 5 nights would cost for both locations. I would never fly to Hawaii for 2 nights, it takes over 40 hours of travel total there and back. Of course people are going to (hopefully) stay longer, and that makes it a big affair for them because its a big effort for guests to do that.

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Well the wedding is Wed, if it rains it obviously will be moved, that's the risk of a beach wedding.

We aren't upset at anyone who misses due to that.

Our friends, and my FH's parents are all staying through Friday-without us having to ask or anything.

If you only ordered 10 invites, then you should have more than enough as you mentioned that there were originally 5 (now 4) couples invited... couples only get 1 invite.

I am a little more understanding of the situation with your stepfather. He's being really immature. Its important that you set a RSVP date. If he hasn't Rsvp'd by then, you call and ask. If he decides not to RSVP or answer your calls, sent him a text and email letting him know you are assuming he is not coming and move forward. You have other things to worry about.

With your sister, I would have a serious conversation with her. Her asking you to change the date is ridiculous. She also shouldn't be giving you multiple excuses such as finances and schedules and then have actions that completely contradict those issues by spending a week island hopping. If she really had financial and schedule issues, those are COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE excuses for destination weddings but those don't seem to be the true. If she continues to act this way, I'd tell her not to come then. Unlike a lot of people, my view on wedding guests is that they should be the people that support you and your fiance. Family or not, if they're not going to add to your big day (or trip since it is a destination wedding) they shouldn't be there.

You might not be upset if someone misses the wedding, but your guests might be upset that they traveled all the way there and they may miss the ceremony. I would make sure to include that information on the invitation. That way people don't plan to travel or be somewhere else the following day aka the rain date.

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I didn't price out that, just did that for that reply. LOL

I once went to Australia for a wedding. I left on Thursday, got there Saturday went to the wedding and left on Sunday, if it was a beach wedding I wouldn't have done it. LOL

Honestly people can do what they want. The only day we really wanted people to commit to is Wed. We do have things that are optional planned for Thursday, but that is up to people. I agree 100% with people on that one. I was just adding that if it rains it will be moved.

Likely though, like Florida it could downpour and be over quickly. I have lived there too, I love the afternoon rains there.

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Yes exactly!! OMG if someone can't afford or can't take off work or simply doesn't want to fly or travel fine---but what you said is EXACTLY the point! "With your sister, I would have a serious conversation with her. Her asking you to change the date is ridiculous. She also shouldn't be giving you multiple excuses such as finances and schedules and then have actions that completely contradict those issues by spending a week island hopping. If she really had financial and schedule issues, those are COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE excuses for destination weddings but those don't seem to be the true."

Honestly, with my sister she was possibly going to have to move so we told her from the beginning that we knew she may not know until the last minute if she could come and she insisted that they were coming no matter what, and then all the emails and texts about the cost and then finally that they are coming Wed-Wed---and bought their tickets already and are leaving on Wed---the day of my wedding. The wedding is at Sunset---she will miss it.

I'll send the invites in May like we were originally planning on doing.

Aren't things even an hour outside of Los Angeles cheaper than Hawaii? I know it's an expensive city. It's why FH moved here to Ohio 12 years ago. If none of the people coming live on the West coast why pick somewhere even farther West? Hawaii is pretty far away and there are much cheaper places anywhere in America that are beautiful. Just saying. Not attacking. I'm sure it will be beautiful out there. Your sister sounds pretty petty. If she won't change her flight plans then it is what it is. She won't be there.

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We know that my stepbrother and his family have to leave on Thursday and we know that my FH's aunt and uncle have to leave on that day.

Our close friends ( a couple) and his parents are all keeping that day open and or are planning to be at the Luau with us.

We have also called the resort to see if there is massive rain if we could have the ceremony in the lobby or something and they said they would do their best to do that and they my FH and me will just do our pictures the next day or something.

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Not an hour.. LOL- but yes other places in the country, but we wanted it in Hawaii---if people couldn't come that's fine, then just say that, ya know?

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Yes we have 5 extras!!!

THANK YOU all, this has been really helpful and interesting.

I'll send the invites next month and I'll include them... I don't want to, but I suppose you are all correct that I should.

Thanks

Keep us posted!

Thank you all.

I think it is super rude for your sister to do that. I'd be like you have got to be FLIPPING kidding me. I booked this stupid party for you, and now you can't come? Well I'd flat out tell her that is bull, it's worse that she booked a trip to Hawaii, and seriously just didn't consider your wedding. That IS rude. She should have booked an overlap at the very least. She is definitely being rude and I'd be SO pissed. Hawaii is expensive but it seemed like she was going anyway, just not to be with her sister on her wedding day, seriously who does that, I've made trips for weddings and that was the entire point of the trip, if we stayed later it was an afterthought. never a before and more important thought. Your stepfather, I'd just ask if he's coming. Sometimes guys don't understand how important it is to get your counts or whatever, and if he's a flake, just don't count on him coming. People don't commit until they buy plane tickets usually.

View Quoted Comment It seems like you don’t really want your stepfather there so I wouldn’t really invite him. If you feel like you need to just ask one more time and when you don’t get a response then stop including him.
I would be really upset if my sister acted the way yours has been. It seems to me like she was planning her vacation and she wanted to just make your wedding part of it. Then when she found other stuff she wanted to do she decided to just drop the wedding portion. Insisting on the luau and other activities and then pretending she got the wrong dates when she helped plan it is really rude to me. If she has already said she is not coming because she is planning on leaving that day then just count her out and let it go.
Just try to let it go and enjoy your day. You attempted to include everyone. They will be the ones to regret not being with you. Also some good advice I’ve gotten in the past seems to apply here, if you wouldn’t let your friends treat you this way why would you let your family? I don’t let my family get away with anything I wouldn’t let my friends get away with. If your friends didn’t respond to you for this long or even congratulate you would you still be inviting them?

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She will NOT be at the wedding

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LOL people are going to keep responding without reading the whole thread.