Sister and Stepfather--just Need to Know It's Okay--passive Aggressive Behavior

I'm in the minority, but I think the wedding should be about you and your fiance. The beach wedding sounds absolutely incredible. I would give your sister and step father ultimatums. Lay out the details, if you come, you need to book a hotel and flight, you need to be ready to be there Wednesday and Thursday. Say you understand you're asking a lot but this wedding is what you want and if they can't make it, then you understand. Be understanding that they can have reasons to not be able to make and be okay with that, but make them give you an answer so you can get this behind you and stop stressing about it. I'm of the opinion that friends are family you choose. If your family isn't choosing your happiness, then you need to be the one to do that.
You're allowed to plan the wedding you want, you're not allowed to require guests to spend a certain amount. You're not doing that, so I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
I am sorry you're going through this. One of the toughest parts of wedding planning is seeing those who care about you and your happiness and those who don't.

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Thank you so much.

I was thinking about all the comments saying that I'm being unreasonable when people thought I was asking them to be there both days, but all weddings are two days for anyone in the party---the rehearsal dinner the night before and then the wedding, it's common but I honestly didn't ask them to be there on Thursday.

I only sent one message to her husband after she told me they were leaving on Thursday asking him if they could extend. So many times she says they can't do something and then he sets it up anyhow. He pays for everything, he's making the plans so I didn't see the harm in asking him. I never mentioned rain to anyone else, it's not on the website or anything. I said it to him only because it's important to me that my sister be there. Now, they are leaving on Wed. He booked the tickets for Wed to Wed so the Thursday issue doesn't matter anymore.

I paid for half her wedding, part of her honeymoon AND hotel for two nights after her wedding-they had it where she lived at the time. So I feel like asking her to actually be at my wedding isn't unreasonable.

I find it odd that people were telling me that neither her or my stepfather did anything wrong. I think telling a bride to move her wedding because you booked flights out on that day is totally wrong, but that's why I posted this. It's interesting to me how anyone could think that it's okay for her to fly out on my wedding day and miss the wedding---especially since she complained so much about the cost. She even said to me once, "My wedding was free, have it at home" She has no understanding of anything. I explained to her that her wedding at home was more than $10K just for her reception, and she never replied. My stepfather is the same telling her and my stepbrother that I should have it in Tucson, if he wanted me to go there he could have easily said, "why don't you have it here?" But he didn't, he has said nothing to me.

Thank you for understanding and posting because after all the replies yesterday I was beginning to think that I was crazy.

At the end of the day, I sent them both an email saying that they need to let us know by June 1st. I'm giving them 6 weeks to get their it together but my sister has told me several times that she is leaving on Wed and is now trying to make me feel bad about it. She is playing the victim big time.

And I don't think I mentioned this, she was the first person to call us and say that she would go anywhere we wanted for the wedding. I asked her if we should do it in the summer so she's off school (high school teacher) and she said "No, I'd rather if you didn't do it during AP exams, but if you do, I'll get a sub, it's your wedding" We told her right then and there it would be Hawaii and she was excited. She suggested the Luau and even talked us into the higher priced tickets. Regardless of what someone here said, the one we are going to sells out months in advance so we did get the tickets already. (luckily we can get a refund if we cancel in advance, but my FH's family is going and our friends--to that Luau). So my sister and stepfather are being super passive aggressive.

I am telling the whole story. Someone said I wasn't. Obviously, I don't have a great relationship with him. I only invited him because of my stepbrother. I honestly don't want him there at all. I don't want his GF there either, she hates me.

Well, we will see what happens. But as of yesterday, my sister's husband messaged me saying that she told him the wedding was on a Saturday, so she lied to him so she can play the victim. They have the save the date, it's October 10th. Wednesday.

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I also agree with you actually. If everything needs to be booked in advance, and its SUCH a small number of wedding guests I think that its fine to get a verbal conformation beforehand. You can't count on those 5 people to say yes once invitations are delivered if you want to be able to invite others if they cant come. (I hope that makes sense) The other people will need just as much time to try and find flights and hotel rooms at the discounted price, which is much more difficult with only a shorter period of time before the wedding. I also think its totally fine to block out two days for your wedding, your guests are committing to two days, you have things planned for both days. I think it is INCREDIBLY rude for your sister to plan to leave on the day of your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Your sister sounds very manipulative, and your stepfather sounds disconnected. I am sorry you are going through all of this. And no one could blame you if you told them both to sod off at this point. I think it shows how amazing you are that you have done all you could to try and resolve this to their satisfaction.
I hope they answer you quickly. And for your sake, I hope they decline. Best of luck with everything.

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I really want to tell them both to sod off, really, but I'm giving them until June 1st.

And I feel like my sister can change her plane tickets. I know for a fact you can change them within the first 24 hours without charges, but even if they have to pay, it's their mistake, it's not like we've been wishy washy onthe date. SIGH. THANKS for the support!!

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Uh, not every gas station in LA is over $4/gallon. Where exactly do you live?

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Most are unless you get that cheap Arco stuff, we are on average 80 cents to 110 more a gallon than Hawaii (Maui) ---but not really the point of this post.

Right now it's $4.23, $4.19 and $4.09 by me. (sorry for security reasons not posting exact location-but all over Los Angeles it's $4 ish)

View Quoted Comment I don't think you are being rude at all I actually found the other ladies reply rude. You are the bride, you can do whatever you want and if you let them know about 2 days and are giving your guest options for cheap flights and rooms that's more kudos then most brides of destination weddings. Honestly I'd do exactly what you are doing! You invite who you want and who will make you happy! Less drama the better! Enjoy your wedding!

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Thank you so much for saying that. Yes, we have bent over backward finding flights, hotels, Airbnb, VRBOs, car rentals etc. for everyone.

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No, most aren't.

http://abc7.com/travel/pain-at-the-pump-gas-prices-keep-climbing-in-socal/3264856/

March 26: reached a high of average $3.54/gallon

https://www.gasbuddy.com/GasPrices/California/Los%20Angeles

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Sigh--please stop.

For one it's a full month later and secondly, those reports are never accurate.

Please take your arguing for no reason somewhere else, maybe try FB.

This is not helpful in any way shape or form. I live here. I know what the prices are because I pay them. Please stop.