Showers/Jack and Jills

I'm from a small town in Ontario, Canada and stag and does are SUPER common - like I'd say 75% of people who get married have one. My FH and I have always thought they were so tacky and we can't understand why it's so common - it's the rudest thing in the world.

But for our area, It's the norm and everyone's just used to fundraising for someone else's wedding. It's amazing to come on here and see how it looks to people who aren't used to them. FINALLY people understand how I feel!!!!!!!!!! Haha.

@PurpleKitten - I'll try to explain. Jack and Jills; Stag and Does - Fundraisers for Couples getting married. You rent a hall, throw down some games, get your bridal party to sell tickets for $10-$20, cash bar, snack food, raffles, 50/50 draws, etc. Invite everyone you know, everyone your family knows, even though they aren't going to the wedding.

They are super common where I'm from too and I abhor them. If you want to have a party, have a party, don't make your friends pay to come and hang out with you.

@JessieJV I agree 100%

Where I'm from, people say "oh it's a way to celebrate with the bride and groom before their big day".... If that was really true, why is everyone paying 5 bucks for a ticket and then spending tons more on drinks, raffle ticks, etc. Don't make people pay to "celebrate" with you..

I'm also in CT, and I have literally never heard of this as a "thing" here. I didn't even know these existed until I came on WW. Who is this "everyone" that keeps telling you you need to do this?

Caroline - many people feel like you, they just feel like they can't say anything because in small towns like yours, people are lead to believe they are "normal" and perfectly fine. But they are just a money grab and a huge amount of work for the wedding party which is very unfair.

If it is ONLY about having a good time and the social aspect (as people who have them claim), the couple could easily just call it a charity fundraiser and donate any profit to a reputable charity, but I bet that never happens. The couple keeps the profit to pay for their wedding or honeymoon.

I don't know why you would expect gifts?? If you guys want to have a joint part. Go for it, but why would you sell tickets? Get all your friends together - go to a nice dinner then go to bars in your area. I don't get why that is so hard to plan.

I'm a little thrown by all the terms, so I'll define what I'm talking about. I've heard of bridal showers, couple showers, and bach parties. This is where the bride and/or groom are the guests of honor, but the party is hosted by someone else. Guests bring presents or otherwise contribute, but it is not a fundraiser. Jack and jills/stag and does, as i understanf it, are fundraisers. And are considered weird and tacky by most everyone. To the OP, if your friends want to host a shower, that's fine. A fundraising event is not. I think if you hosted a byob BBQ get together, that would also be fine.

I have never hear of these. Where I would never have one, it is interesting learning the cultural differences of different areas.

So many names! I've never heard of stag and doe parties. There's Bachelorette/Stagette, Bachelor/Stag parties, Bridal Showers, Jack and Jill parties, engagement parties...I thought about throwing a BBQ style engagement party this summer, but I wasn't going to ask for anything or expect anyone to bring/contribute anything, it would just be a celebration. I recently learned of something called a Wedding Social which is apparently a Winnipeg thing. It sounds like what is being mentioned here in that it is essentially an event that you buy tickets for, play games etc, and it acts as a fundraiser for the wedding. I don't think I could ever do something like that though.

People buying tickets to pay for your wedding? Umm...no. Rude, tacky, and inconsiderate regardless of where you are.

Go with the BBQ and BYOB idea.

@Caroline,

Your response is exactly what I thought I was going to hear! I'm really surprised more people haven't heard of it. I'm actually attending one on Saturday. It was $20 a person, called "Nick and Ally's Jack and Jill" on the invite and ticket.

I apologize for sounding so dramatic on OP. I wouldn't actually have one, but I was really curious if I was the only one who felt this way. Perhaps it's just a fad among the people I know? The more I think about it, every single "Jack and Jill" I've been to were all couples who live in my small town (rather than work or college friends)... Strange!

Wait...I knew there were people who did this, but I've never really given these events much thought beyond not liking the idea. I guess I never realized that tickets are sold to people who aren't invited to the wedding (and know they're not invited). I was wondering why one poster said she sees them advertised in the newspaper all the time. Now I know why -- it's a public, stand-alone event (so it's a fundraiser in the truest sense of the word). Do some people make a habit of going to these things because it's something to do on a Friday or Saturday night? I'm seriously asking, do people open the newspaper and say, "Oh, hey, there's a stag and doe at ________ tonight. It's only $30. Wanna go?". Well, admission price aside, that makes it an entirely different thing than a wedding shower. Nobody invites people to a wedding shower unless those people are also receiving wedding invitations. Actually, it's apples and oranges.

Wait wait wait... People actually pay money to attend a party to celebrate you getting married? This is really a thing?

Delia - yes, they are very specific to certain pockets. Usually rural areas or small towns where not much else is going on. now you understand that they are NOT done or accepted everywhere.

Centerpiece - yep, they try to sell tickets to anyone and everyone, definitely not just people who will be invited to the wedding. And yes, it is often used as something to do in these towns on a Saturday night when there is nothing else to do.

Please don't have a fundraiser for your wedding, no matter how common it may be.

You can throw yourself a BBQ to celebrate getting married, but you can't throw yourself an engagement party. If there is the possibility of gifts please don't throw yourself that party.

@Nicole everytime I see you now I have to do a double take since you changed your pic

@maltese best analogy I ever heard!

FH and I were invited to a wedding and a "jack and jill shower" where people had to pay $25 to go. We declined to go to either. Ironically it was the same day of my MOH's wedding but even if it wasn't we still weren't going. I am not a fan of the girl and I thought it was unacceptable to ask for people to pay to go to a party AND have a registry. We easily could have gone to the jack and jill but we said we were busy.

@Centerpiece Yes, there are people that will go to Stag and Does and just pay the price of admission. In smaller towns they are often held at Legion Halls or Church Halls with signs for the public.

I live in a large city and they are hugely popular here. Still don't go to them.

I have never heard of these things and nor would I attend one or throw one... It's like starting a gofundme page to pay for your wedding...

I know J&Js tend to be a regional thing, so he may think they're common, but if you're not comfortable, don't do it. Out here in the SF Bay Area, I'd never heard of one till I came to this webite.

I am so confused... I've NEVER heard of anyone paying to go to any type of fundraiser event for the couple. I've been to many fundraisers for many charities. Charity dinners. Charity races. Charity rock off. Charity Halloween party. But nope. Never in my life have I ever came across hearing about people throwing a fundraiser for their wedding. That's super strange. But you said it's normal for your area, so I don't know. I've never been to CT. I have seen some burger places on tv from there, though. The Juicy Lucy's are there and the steamed burgers are there, if I'm right.

I guess if it's normal, do it. If you feel guilty, give the money to a charity. If you think more than 20% of your guests will side eye you then don't have one. I'm really confused. I had no idea this was a thing and I've been on WW since late 2013.