Showers/Jack and Jills

Yes. All of what you wrote is WRONG.

Why would you sell tickets to your event? You don't throw a party in your own honor, and BYOB is tacky if you are accepting gifts.

No, you're not wrong. Tell your FH it's rude to ask your guests to invite them to a party to pay for your wedding.

What's a "Jack and Jill"?

The only "Jack and Jill" I am aware of is when two adjacent bedrooms both have a door to the same bathroom. That would be a weird place to invite people. Don't do that.

No. A party begging friends to pay for an elaborate party that you feel you deserve is not okay. Ever. Your not really supposed to throw any parties for yourself, btw.

OK, I'm not sure where you're from, but regardless of age this is all wrong. Do not ask anyone to pay for your party. I don't even care what a Jack and Jill or stag raffle party money fest is.

No. He's wrong. It's (get ready, it's the T word) tacky. Your wedding is in four months; haven't you got it all planned, based on what you can afford?

Any kind of FUNDRAISING event for a wedding - whether they are called Jack & Jills, Stag Parties, or Stag & Does - are just wrong. It is rude to expect others to pay for your wedding. I don't care how old you are - 20 or 40 - have the wedding you can afford. No one is entitled to a fancy wedding paid for by others.

And yes, there will of course be the people on here who say "but it's common in my area and everyone does them, so it's ok!!". No actually, it isn't. Your wedding isn't a charity.

@PK it's another name for a stag and doe. And @OP, your concerns about the Jack and Jill are right on. Don't do that. Are you a real person? Serious question. Your question sounds a lot like a concoction one of the drama-seeking trolls we've been having lately would make up.

But if you really are here for answers, we are happy to help.

Fundraising for a wedding is tacky. If you can't afford it, go to a courthouse or plan a small elopement. A wedding is a privilege, not a right. ETA: I'm an undergrad and so are my friends and none of them have any issue throwing me parties/attending my wedding/affording their dress and shoes. If you give them plenty of time and they feel it's important, they'll budget it in.

OP is from Canada...Jack and Jill parties are super common and traditional there. Don't knock her for doing something that is socially acceptable and anticipated in her area.

OP..you can't throw yourself and engagement party. But you can throw a BYOB barbeque and invite all your friends over and hang out BECAUSE you guys are about to get married.

ETA: I would have BET OP was Canadian until I clicked on her profile...this is our 2pm Troll Feeding.

I've never heard of a stag and doe, either. i don't know what any of these things are except "shower" and "engagement party".

Is it boring over at The Knot today?

Yes, the wedding is planned. We aren't doing parties for the money. We don't need the money. It's just what most of our friends have done, and they are fun. I'm surprise everyone is so unfamiliar with this... I thought bridal showers and stag parties were pretty universal. And a Jack and Jill party is like a bridal shower but for men and women, and you don't have to bring gifts. I've been to a few. You basically buy tickets and get food and drinks at a big picnic-style party.

I'm not against them; just feel guilty inviting broke 20-somethings.

Why can't you throw yourself an engagement party? We did and requested no gifts. It was a way for our families to meet....and definitely not fundraise for our wedding.

@PK I only learned about them since reading forums on Wedding Wire. It's a fundraiser for an engaged couple to pay for their wedding...guests purchase entrance tickets. It's to pay for the wedding "so the marriage isn't started in debt."

Where does it say I'm from Canada? I live in CT lol, oops!

I agree with everything everybody else has said. No need to criticize me; I'm on your side here. I've actually gotten a lot of flack for NOT doing this kind of thing. I was just checking everyone else's opinion...

I do think it's rude to ask for money for your own event, but literally everyone I know tells me otherwise.

@Delia - buy tickets? What, like raffle tickets?

K, I'll bite then.

While every single bride in here understands that yes, paying for your own wedding sucks, and yes, weddings are expensive, it's really shitty to ask people for handouts to pay for your wedding. It is not a God given right to have a wedding (marriage, should be, but not a wedding). It's one thing to ask for money to pay for your wedding, and then expect even more money/gifts via a shower, and then the actual wedding day.

A wedding isn't a fundraiser or a cash gathering event. You are completely correct in your feelings on this subject.

ETA: Tell your FH that having to pay for your own wedding is 100% not unique as most of us are paying at least half if not most or all of our own weddings and we are doing so without asking for pity money.

@purplekitten,

No, they are like stag party tickets. The tickets pay for the food and drink for the party, plus go to the wedding fund.

Like I said, I was never a fan, but everyone keeps telling me that it's not selfish and everyone else does it.

Uhm, okay, I can't think of anyone I know who would PAY MONEY to go to a friend's party. That's just f-ing offensive.

ETA: A couple years ago, one of my mom's cousins hosted a family reunion. She asked everyone to bring a certain amount of cash to her house to "chip in" for the party. Like no one went because if you can't afford to host a party, DONT HAVE A PARTY.