Showers/Jack and Jills

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Why don't you just sell tickets to go to your wedding and call it a day. $20 cover charge. Plus gift. Duh.

@nicole,

I'm sorry I wrote this post really poorly. This isn't an argument with FH. Best man is throwing him a stag and that's that. This is all of my married friends asking MOH and I about a shower, and me calling it greedy and unnecessary, and them saying that they all did it and it was fine.

@Snarky,

Once again, I just said I don't like it either. No need for sarcasm. I'm just finding it strange that no one else does this...

FH has an established career, as do many of his friends, so he's completely ok selling stag tickets

Sounds like he's totally okay with it?

I don't know, I've never been invited to such an event, and I would be really fucking annoyed if I was invited to one. Let alone would I not go and/or if I did, they sure as hell wouldn't be getting a generous wedding gift on top of it.

If I had an established career with moneys I would be more inclined to host all my friends generously rather than expect them to buy tickets to come hang out with me.

It might be different in other areas but in my area a Jack and Jill is a shower for men and women, there is still food, prizes, etc just instead of bridal shower games it is a big party/dance. Usually a DJ and a bar, food of some sort and door prizes or prizes for closest birthday to the bride and to the groom, couple present who are married the longest, closest anniversary to the wedding date of the couple, and so on. There are often favors and door prizes. I have never heard of buying tickets to one. It's a variation of a bridal shower.

Then tell your friends you don't want one. Jeesh.

@Delia - I'm in my mid 30s and never even HEARD of this. It must be peculiar to where you live.

But selling people tickets to your party because you know some people who think it's okay doesn't MAKE it okay. Like, you can't go around peeing on random people because you're friends with a number of fetishists.

Let me rephrase then. In my area, it's tacky. But cultural differences occur even over state lines - if your friends/family think it's common and wouldn't mind it, do it. In my part of the country, it's a no-no.

People sell tickets to their own parties?

@Delia....you can't tell someone who's NAME is Snarky not to be Snarky.

Thats like telling a girl name Destiny not to be a stripper when she grows up.

Jack and Jill showers are fine (though I can't think of a single man I know who would want to go to one....

Stag and Does, (raising money for the wedding) is abhorrent, and I don't care if it's regionally 'fine' or not. No one else does it because it's rude.

Hahahaha I liked the stripper analogy. Right on, Maltese, right on.

I can't believe this is actually a thing. I thought "Jack and Jill party" was just another name for a couples shower. Good for you, OP, for realizing that this is not a good idea and you shouldn't do it.

Delia - why are you referring to these parties as "showers"? A SHOWER is not fundraising party where tickets are sold. Do you even know what a shower is? You seem quite clueless. Yes, showers are fairly universal throughout the US and Canada, but they are not fundraisers and tickets are not sold.

And no, fundraising parties (Jack & Jill / Stag & Doe) are not done everywhere. They are not even done everywhere in Canada. Only very small pockets in some provinces. NOT the whole country.

So wait... your FH's friends are throwing him a "stag" (which I understand to be a bachelor party), and they're SELLING TICKETS to attend it? And your friends want to throw you a "shower" but have it be a big party and sell tickets?

If they're selling tickets to it, they're not hosting it. If your friends want to throw you a shower or an engagement party, go at it. But it is absolutely awful to charge people to attend such party and then take the leftover money to be used towards the wedding. I get that this is common in some places, but just use your common sense. If it feels wrong, don't do it.

I'm in CT too. I see ads in the local paper for these Jack and Jills all the time.

"Come to our party that you're paying for, so we can have a wedding that you're also paying for." If you can't afford the wedding, don't have it. If you can afford it, then why would you ask people to pay to cone to your party? It's tacky no matter where you are.

Gonna hop on the "DON'T DO IT" bandwagon. Asking others to fund your wedding is rude. They're (presumably) also going to get you a shower and wedding gift. You're on the right track, OP!

"Hey guys, we're having a dinner party! But can you bring some food? And then it's $5 a plate when you get here. Cool?"

Stag and doe parties are in no way like bridal showers. Bridal showers are supposed to shower the couple with things they might need for their new home together. Stag and doe parties are saying "hey, I deserve a lavish party that I can't afford so you have the misfortune of being my friend and have to pay for it. On top of that, you need to buy me a wedding gift for later."