Question about alcohol

Yep, there is plenty wrong with a dry wedding, it's just that no one will tell you to your face. And no, your guests who have spent hundreds to be at your wedding will NOT understand.

But yes, definitely put it on your invites (tongue firmly in cheek).

But just for Teresa, here is my top eleven list of justifications.

Top Ten Bogus Reasons People Use to Justify Dry Weddings and Cash Bars

11: (a bonus) My family is diabetic. Every one of them. We wave cake at them like vampire repellent because they have no idea how to control their own health.

10. None of my guests drink. Not one. I've polled all 120 of them and not one of them does

9. All of my guests drink too much; they will get sloppy, drunk and violent. It they are not throwing up into the crock pot weenies.

8. Kids will be in attendance. They might mistake Cosmos for Shirley Temples.

7. We're really really Christian, and our hyper Christianity requires us to not only not drink but to inflict our believe that this is HOLY by making our guests not drink. Because they should believe what we believe. Even though we can't explain it. Someone told us this and we think it's true.

6. We don't like the taste of alcohol. So no one else should either

5. We are not going to pay for other people to enjoy themselves

4. My grandparents don't drink and they won't come if anyone in the surrounding area does.

3. We have to hire bartenders, security, armed forces and the national guard to serve alcohol.

2. People can have fun without alcohol. If they really loved us, they'd come regardless

1. We're cheap.

@teresa-how can it be against your whole entire family's religion and yet numerous of them have "Alcohol problems"?

Is the problem just in your eyes that they enjoy it?

I don't support any religion at all but didn't Jesus turn water into wine?

How about elope? with no one there.

I know where you are coming from as 95% of my family do not drink ANY alcohol. Most of the weddings I have been to were dry (and they were still beautiful and fun...they just have a different feel).

I do not have an issue with a dry wedding when I know the bride and groom have issues with alcohol. I'm happy to just be a part of their special day even if their party is not how I would throw a party. If your guests are close enough to you to get invited to the wedding, then they are close enough to you to know your views about alcohol. If they don't respect you, then honestly, why are they your friends?

That being said, you do have an obligation to host them properly. Without alcohol, I would bump the food quality up a bit and think about doing a few extra things to make it special for your guests. For example, I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom and their parents who were paying have a huge problem with alcohol. But they had a "bar" area set up where the guy was making mixed drinks just minus the liquor. It was a brunch wedding but the drinks were still fun. But know without alcohol your reception will be shorter and have a different feel, but it will still be just a beautiful.

Our wedding is a consumption bar with just beer and wine since only about 25% of the adults there MAY drink. But we are different than you because FH and I enjoy a glass of wine or a beer now and again. So we don't have a problem with alcohol and want to make sure our drinkers have options.

Bottom line: Be a good host, but don't feel like you have to sacrifice your deeply held beliefs to do so. Just my opinion.

OP, you "feel sorry" for people who can't have a good time without drinking? That's a really strange comment.

OP, has someone you care about died because of alcoholism, or a drunk driver?

That's really the only reason I can fathom that being in the same room with people drinking would affect you the way it does. I also would encourage you to see a counselor about this, as it has to make socializing very awkward.

As long as your reception isn't at a meal time, cake and punch is fine, and people won't expect alcohol. But if its going to be lunch or dinner time...you really should provide a meal and at least beer and wine.

Melanie, it is ok not to have alcohol at your wedding. There is a big difference between following norms and choosing to be yourself. Your wedding and reception is about you and anyone who doesn't except the rules you set for your wedding, they are not there for you. Chances are the people on this site will not be attending your wedding, do it your way.

I don't understand why you posted.... you are looking for validation to make yourself feel better with the choice you've made about not serving alcohol and feeling not guilty for being so judgemental about adults having a few glasses of wine.

I think the other posters who suggested therapy is very good advice.. I mean... how do you leave your house? go to a restaurant? etc... I've known several alcoholics who still have to be around alcohol and you know... they learn to cope with it because we can't Live in a Bubble you know?

You ask about a solution... well, what solution is there is you're not willing to budge and you 110% do not want alcohol.

Since its only a couple of hours ... have a "Cake & Punch" reception but please for the love of God, let your guest know (I'd be mighty pissed if i expected drinks and food and there's nothing) and Don't have it at mealtime.

Also, of course everyone of your guests is "ok" with it...no one is going to say it to your face... they'll talk behind your back. That's how it goes.

I don't know why people don't respect seriously held religious beliefs on the matter. If someone's religion is such that they passionately believe alcohol is sin and can't even be around others drinking, then that's that. You can disagree with their beliefs and you can choose not to associate with them (hell you can even mock their religious extremism) but you really can't expect them to ignore a fundamental belief on what is often a very serious religious event. I'm not sure where the prohibition came from in Christianity, but in Islam for example, no alcohol and no pork are one of the five fundamental tenets of their religion.

Note: I'm not religious at all nor am I planning to have a dry wedding (I actually literally have another thread up asking for wine and champagne recommendations), I'm just saying that if I choose to associate with a couple with fundamental religious views, then I will take them as a whole. If their beliefs are abhorrent to me, then I will simply not associate with them or participate. But I won't be like, "hey let's be friends still and I'll come to your wedding but fyi your religion is crazy and you should change the way you are for that day because normal people drink at weddings"

I really think you should look into counseling. I know plenty of people who don't drink for either moral reasons or just because they don't like it. None of them have problems being around people who are drinking. If it bothers you that much to be around people who are having a glass of wine with dinner, then I think there's a much deeper issue to address than you just not liking alcohol. I think you'd be happier and have an easier time at social events if you tried counseling.

As for your wedding, you're having a cake and punch reception, which is pretty much the only type of reception where it's perfectly acceptable to not serve alcohol. Kudos on choosing this type of reception and for knowing ahead of time that it will be shorter than other receptions. This sounds perfectly fine.

My husband and I didn't have alcohol BUT we had an extremely small wedding of 16 including ourselves (almost half of which were children) during the day that wasn't too long. My husband and I don't drink at all and at the wedding I had a couple people who actually couldn't drink for medical reasons and others because of alcoholism and all that.

I think this article was right on.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4419990

@Jenny. Most religious rules are human made (in fact, all of them) and no one has ever been able to tell me why God doesn't want us to drink. Not here, not in real life, not in six years of seminary.

If you are uncomfortable with alcohol, don't serve it. There are plenty of religions that prohibit it and it is the norm to have a dry wedding. I went to a wedding where there was no alcohol. They entertained with step dancers and singers. The food was great and the company was fun. Good luck with it. You deserve a nice party even if you don't serve alcohol. This is your day.

@Celia, as an athiest I 100% agree with you, but there are people who genuinely hold religious beliefs as if they were fact and just like they don't demand I have my wedding in a church, I don't go to a very religious event and demand that they do something against their religion.

I do agree with you that too often religion is used as an excuse for being unwilling to pay for the alcohol. That is not okay to me - I better not go to a cathedral dry wedding and see photos of the bride taking shots on her bachelorette

I lost my 19 year old cousin three years ago to drinking and driving. He was my best friend and I loved him more than I love most people. It was (and still is) extremely hard for me to think of my life without him. I had a very hard time with drinking after that for probably about a year. But I never, not once, judged others for drinking (responsibly). I didn't' have a sip of alcohol for over a year but my FH sure as hell did. I didn't judge him, or anyone, for that matter. It took me a while to even warm up to drinking.

My point is -- you may have strong feelings towards alcohol. That's fine. You are entitled to those feelings. But do not project those onto other people. Do not look down on others because you don't drink. Serve some beer and wine at your wedding. If you aren't having a party atmosphere and the reception is two hours people will have a few glasses of wine that want to and be done with it.

It doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it.

I feel like you are so judgmental about people who drink. Even if someone is having one drink you refer to hating "the attitude surrounding drinking". I could understand why in general if you don't drink why you would avoid being around totally drunk people. But saying you don't want to be around someone who is having a glass of wine is ridiculous. You would have the exact same experience with someone who is drinking only one glass of wine or beer that you would with the same person having a soda. You seem to just be passing judgement on someone because they are having a drink. And I just saw your comment saying you don't judge people. Yes you do. If one beer means you don't want to be near them you are judging. Because with one beer, guess what? They aren't drunk. So you just hate the concept of alcohol.

You may want to think about the counseling. How to you go to public sporting events? Have a morning wedding I guess.

@Kristen: I open a bottle of wine.

Doesn't everyone?

Flagged Kristen. You mis-identified the self righteous ones.

Remember one of the miracle's of Christ was at the marriage of Cana where he turned water into wine. Evidence that the no alcohol ruling was man created not him.