Question about alcohol

Let's put it this way. If you don't want alcohol, don't have it. Just have your wedding in the afternoon or at lunch.

As for people who need it to have fun, let's just say I can have fun without alcohol, but I can have MORE fun with it.

At the end of the day, you decide what is most important for your wedding day.

Mine is that my guests had a great time and can think back with good thoughts knowing that they were thought of and taken care of.

@jenny-but then that goes onto forcing choices on others. Why then do us meat loving people offer our guests the choice of vegetarian options. Then special meals for those who are gluten free? We do all of this so that every guest who takes time out of their lives to celebrate with us are comfortable and happy.

@elena Handbasket - Exactly!

I have bought a separate cake for ONE gluten free guest, asked about their dessert options to the venue.

I have also altered my courses to ensure those who do not eat seafood are given a different course so they don't sit there without a 4th course.

I am also including vegetarian options fully knowing NO ONE will choose it since we don't have vegetarians attending.

The bottom line is that you didn't "have a question about alcohol".

You don't want to serve it. (You need to know that there is more than a touch of judgement in your post.....)

Then don't. But why did you ask if you're not going to change your mind??

I think we need a new acronym here; NWMT.

Not. Worth. My. Time.

Your example is slightly different than mine because presumably you don't have some fundamental objection to gluten or vegetables. I'm talking about people who absolutely have a very anti-(whatever) outlook. If you're the type of person that's outspoken about your strong beliefs, presumably your guest list knows this. It's only forcing your choices on others if they aren't aware. In the case of people who have extremely strong anti-meat/anti-alcohol feelings - I think a guest can either choose not to attend (which is what I would do) or if close enough, sit through ONE meal without meat/alcohol for the couple's sake. I'd pissed if a friend of mine opted not to go to my birthday party because of a known aversion to alcohol but then later that year served alcohol at their wedding.

Note I only apply this standard to people who are extreme and outspoken about their preferences. I have no problem with them being the way they are (I can always not go) but if they suddenly switch around at their own wedding when they don't compromise in their normal lives for other people's events - that would be a far greater insult.

OP, I think you should have started this thread with the fact that you're only having a ceremony, desserts, and some mingling for two hours and then ended it all. You may have gotten different responses. You may not feel like you're judgmental, but your words indicated otherwise. Most people on this thread just really enjoy a nice drink. I'm a Christian and I don't drink all the time or daily, but if you go to my house right now, there's three bottles of wine and some mojito in the fridge. This doesn't make me a bad person at all, I just like a glass of wine sometimes. I get your feelings of not liking it though because my fh hates alcohol, but he knows I like it. He's never once told me I can't have it. He respects what I like and I respect how he feels. Is your wedding around brunch? If so, I think you'll be perfectly fine serving dessert and just having non-alcoholic drinks.

I can't imagine being offended by people drinking alcohol.

The amount this will inevitably seclude and isolate you and FH, is kinda dangerous.

I think you need to look at this the same way you look at any hot topic tolerance issue.

While it may not be what you choose for yourself. Will someone having a glass of wine in the same vicinity as you really make that much of an impact on your day? I'm willing to bet not. You'll be too busy enjoying your day.

ETA- words

@Mrs. Fall Bride, presumably you don't think that eating vegetables is murder or a violation of some serious religious tenant either though. One is offering an option for guests on something you don't necessarily care about, the other is compromising a core belief that your guests would know of. For the latter, I would not compromise and limit the guest list to people who are aware of whatever extremely strong belief I had.

Mrs. Fall....it might need to be amended to "NWMFT", if ya know what I mean.

Not even going to touch the alcohol portion of this post but you said you aren't serving dinner. Please be sure your reception and ceremony take place at a non meal time and do not invite anybody that would have to fly in to your wedding. I've flown in once to a wedding that didn't serve me a meal (I was unaware of this before arriving) and I was pissed at how much money I spent to be there and the ceremony and reception took 2 hrs with no food. (No alcohol either but honestly didn't care much that there wasn't alcohol because I was so pissed about the food).

I'm just confused about the "attitude surrounding alcohol." A nice cab goes great with a ribeye. A gin & tonic tastes ridiculously good after working in the yard all day. Hardly attitude, it's called enjoyment.

Seconding Anna's point! If you are having a short, non-meal time, casual dessert reception (which we call a cake and punch reception) then make sure your guests know that is the case, as it's not really fair to out of town guests to go to the expense and time lost for only 2 hours and some processed sugar.

I was debating doing that to save money, but it's basically an DW wedding for 80% of the guest list because neither FH or I are from here and the majority of our guests will be driving 3-5 hours to come to our wedding, so we decided we needed to host a full meal time reception (food, booze, music).

I'm not at all a vegetarian. I don't know if you missed that from my original post, but I recognize that some people have very strong beliefs anti-meat and alcohol. Whether or not I personally have that belief, I respect them as long as they are consistent (and not just making an excuse to cheap out). I'm not friends with any hardcore outspoken vegetarians because I couldn't stand that in my regular life, but if I did have a friend who had such a strong aversion I would either not attend or be able to accommodate one day for them. As long as I know it and they've always been that way, its not a big deal. I don't know if I'm just not articulating the distinction or what...

It's your wedding. If you don't want to serve drinks then don't.

We aren't having alcohol at our wedding and no one seems to have a issue with it.

I'm still waiting for you to address how you go to restaurants

@Ashley-they haven't said anything to your face and chances are they are getting their flasks ready to go

@Mrs.FallBride I stand by my statement. I am not a vegetarian, but have gone to meat free events hosted by vegetarian friends and left fully satisfied. Food doesn't need to include meat to be more than "a bowl of lentils". I think you need to be a good host/hostess but that doesn't mean you need to sacrifice the things that make you feel comfortable. For example, I am lactose intolerant and I will be having a lactose free wedding. If I'm going to pay for the food, I want to be able to eat it. That doesn't mean that the food will be bland or less rich, it just won't have something in it that makes me sick.

@Ashley I don't have an "issue" with going out and not drinking. I have an issue with people policing my alcohol consumption.

ETA: If any friend of mine told me they didn't want to be around me because I had a glass of wine, I would find that pretty f-ing offensive.

I see nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I'm actually having a dry wedding. Both for financial reasons, religious reasons(our faith does not allow alcohol) and because of numerous family members with alcohol problems.

Yes we are thanking our guests for coming BUT it is still our day. Same for you. You don't have to have anything at the wedding you don't want. We are going to put it in our invites that the wedding is dry, but that is because not all of my family, and most of our friends are not our religion. Doesn't mean we are going to break our beliefs, but we can give them a heads up.

As for the "It is only okay if 100% of the guests agree" thing- you would then have to have dairy free, nut free, gluten free, etc. and say that doing anything with gluten is only okay if 100% of the guests agree.

I say do what you and your fiancé want. If that is a dry wedding do it. Your guests will understand.

And in the words of Dr. Suess(I'm a teacher)- "Those who matter care, and those who care matter." If they care they will be a-okay with out.

Your ceremony and reception is only 2 hours? Are you planning on serving a meal? If non of your family drinks and most of your friends don't drink then what's the issue with having the option of beer and wine? If a couple people have a glass of wine is it really going to ruin your entire day? I'm guessing you won't even notice with everything going on.