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Jessica
Devoted June 2019

No Money

Jessica, on February 6, 2018 at 10:38 PM

Posted in Planning 254

I just redid my budget for the twenty billionth time. I’ve already factored out the honeymoon and the rings. A wedding that I wanted to spend $9k on originally has a $4k budget (if I live off of rice and beans for the next year and a half). I’m the only one funding this wedding and I’m so stressed...
I just redid my budget for the twenty billionth time.
I’ve already factored out the honeymoon and the rings. A wedding that I wanted to spend $9k on originally has a $4k budget (if I live off of rice and beans for the next year and a half). I’m the only one funding this wedding and I’m so stressed already. I’m working 125 hours every two weeks to barely hit $4k. The guest list is barely 100 people (with about 25 anticipated saying no).

I never wanted a courthouse wedding, I want a wedding with family and dinner and fun. I want a nice place and a gorgeous dress and I just feel everything I wanted slipping through my fingers because there aren’t enough hours in the day to work harder to get even half the wedding that I wanted two months ago.

I’m just so frustrated and feeling very incompetent.

254 Comments

  • joey
    Expert October 2019
    joey ·
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    You took charge and you are working that 6K. When you are faced with challenges you have to make executive decisions, get creative, start DIYing like crazy and finding affordable ways to pull this thing off. Kudos to you for making it happen.

  • MarleyAnne22
    Super October 2016
    MarleyAnne22 ·
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    After skimming the comments, I agree with most pp in the fact that you shouldn't be the only person paying for your wedding, and speaking from experience you should postpone if you cannot truly afford to have the wedding you desire/want.

    If the honeymoon is already booked, go on it. Use it as a vacation or heck even get eloped there and have a reception when you get back later on.

    You say you don't want him getting a job, because then you'll see him less. Living 100 miles apart I could see where that would be tough. I don't get the deadline of y'all moving in together. If it was by your own choice sure, but you're blaming your conservative parents. Here's the thing, you can't let your parents run your lives for the rest of your lives. One day you have to grow up and make your own choices despite what they may think or feel. And I can tell you 100% I've been there and done that, and guess what? they will get over it.
    If your family/his family isn't helping pay I would def tell the MIL a limit of guests. She can choose which are most important and who to come with that limit.

  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    I am so sorry you are stressed. It is amazing how much understanding you have towards your future partner and doing what works best for him individually, as opposed to looking at what others have been able to do. We should all strive to be so empathetic. You two seem like you have a solid foundation. And though it may not seem like much now, remember that that foundation really is the most important thing. If you are not able to pull off your dream wedding, it will be sad. But it sounds like you are on your way to pulling off your dream marriage.

    As for helpful but may be off the wall advice, perhaps ask his parents if they would be willing to put the money they would have spent on RD towards the wedding instead, and cancel the RD. It may not be much, but as it seems you are well aware, every little bit helps.
    Make sure the account you are saving in has the best return for your area. Look into banks or credit unions that will give you a bonus if you open an account with them. You have more than a year, so perhaps look into one year cds and the return they would/could give you, but keep in mind you can't use that money during the time it is invested. Look into credit cards that have a cash back program and put your bills and things on the credit card, paying it off immediately so there is no interest, but you still get cash back.
    Again, these are just off the wall ideas that may or may not work for your situation. But I wish you the best of luck, and I think in the end, you got this!
  • N
    Just Said Yes September 2019
    Nita ·
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    The Love you have is great. The rush is on you guys because you can make more time it just seems you can use it. Also him going to school is great and I don’t think he’s lazy or anything else. I think he’s a student and it’s nothing wrong with it. But after school there’s the real world. And if your parents are concerned about your living arrangement they should be willing to help. But just my opinion on life experiences. Anyway I read a article of a couple who got married on 4,000$ it was very interesting to se how they cut back on expenses. Doing a dessert only reception and having a college friend design invitations and renting out a state park cabin. I found it on google.
  • Nicole
    VIP November 2017
    Nicole ·
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    I don't think anyone was trying to belittle or insult you or your FH. You came to an internet forum asking strangers for advice. You got advice. It may not have been the advice you were hoping for and it may have been the same things you've already read somewhere else, but it's still advice. And in my opiniin, most of its good advice. You can take it or leave it. See which things will work for you and use them. Do notblet the comments add to your stress. You seem to have enough stress to deal with right now already. It might be a good idea to take a little break from wedding planning. Put everything away in a cabinet or room where you won't see it. Take a couple days and don't think about the wedding. Focus on other things you have going on in your life. Then, come back to planning with a hopefully clearer and calmer mind.
    You mentioned that the honeymoon is the most important part and the wedding is just a party that you can throw anytime. Why not do that? Go to the courthouse either just the two of you or with a few close family members and get married. Then go out to a nice lunch or dinner. Or turn your honeymoon into an elopment trip also and get married wherever you are traveling, just the two of you. Then have a vow renewal ceremony/reception later. Maybe on your 5 year anniversary? Then you will have time to save for the celebration you really want and will hopefully be able to enjoy they next year and start you marriage without the stress of all the financial difficulties it is causing now.
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    I ended up giving up my dream venue for my FH home church pretty close to the boonies. It's an extremely small town in Florida and honestly the first thing I said when we got engaged was "I'm not getting married in *insert town*" but here we are...getting married there. Honestly, unless you have been saving for years or have parents who will foot most of the bill its really hard to make your dreams and your reality collide. We do have help from our parents but it's still not the budget for our dream wedding, and that's ok. It's still the vision we want, the look and colors, it'll be a fun party with family and friends. The most important thing is that you're getting married to the person you want to be with, the rest is just an extra sparkly bonus. If he's still in school maybe you should push it back, wait until he gets a "real job" and can help you out. You cannot pay for the whole wedding yourself and live on rice and beans for a year and a half. You shouldn't stretch yourself so thin, it's just a party at the end of the day. I don't know how you locked yourself into a honeymoon but I'd cancel. If you are stretching to afford the wedding I wouldn't even be thinking about a honeymoon.

  • Dillydilly
    Dedicated April 2018
    Dillydilly ·
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    Jessica, you feel that posters are belittling you or your fiance or giving you obvious tips that you have already read about. I see no belittling, of you or fiance, and if you have already read obvious tips that could help you save money, why did you post? For affirmation of your parent's poor money habits? I mean this in sincerity - do you have legit questions on planning a budget wedding? It sounds as though you are young and having sticker shock at planning a wedding and grown up things. You strike me a very hard worker so kudos for that. You said the honeymoon was the most important thing - so take it. It is booked and get married then. Win-win!

  • NVV2B
    VIP January 2019
    NVV2B ·
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    I didn't read all the comments because 6 pages is crazy - but for me, the biggest way I have saved money is to research the crap out of vendors, and when you think you've researched them all - research some more. Then try to negotiate as much as possible with their pricing. Have people to help set up & tear down the space - that will save costs.


    Have you seen the show on Netflix called cheapest weddings? or something like that - its a show that follows Australian brides that put on their weddings for super cheap. You can get ideas on how to cut costs from them.

  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    I read your reasoning, and that still doesn't sound valid to me, but you're fine with it, so okay, then you really can't lament how stressed you are etc., because you know the situation. Can't really sugar coat things and make it all nicely nice when you have to be realistic-As of now you can not afford your dream wedding. Since you already booked a honeymoon use that as a vacation. Postpone your wedding until you are both able to contribute equally. Or elope, or go to the courthouse and have dinner afterwards.
  • J
    Savvy May 2018
    Jen ·
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    Im not sure where you are located but definitely look into state/county parks. We are using a building that seats 250 at our local fairgrounds for our ceremony with chairs included and we get it Fri-Sun for only 300! A girl I know got married in a cute little open space next to the river that runs through our town. She didnt have to pay anything for the space and no chairs. They only had her parents, siblings, grandparents, and a couple close friends there. Wore a simple white dress with a bouquet. 10 minute ceremony and boom they were married. Pictures were beautiful with all the scenery of the trees and river!

    It wont be the dream wedding you had always hoped for but there are ways to still have a special day. Have a super intimate ceremony and reception 20-30 people to lessen the food cost (if you say $10 /pp for 30 people thats only $300 vs $1,000 for 100 people) and space cost (smaller places generally cost less to rent). In my opinion, if you are the only one paying for this wedding then you get final say on everything. FMIL may not like that you arent going to invite her large list of people, but she will get over it. If you cut your guest list to immediate family and close friends, you can splurge a little bit more on your bouquet, dress, or jewelry to make that day a little more special for you. Super simple decor can still be very elegant. You can always do a bigger vow renewal down the road when you guys are in a better place financially.

  • Sarah Katreen
    Dedicated August 2018
    Sarah Katreen ·
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    PPs are already giving you great advice, I just wanted to reach through the screen and give you a hug.

  • MrsBlah
    Devoted September 2016
    MrsBlah ·
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    Can you just do a cake and punch reception? Middle of the day, couple hours and you're done.
    Otherwise, push the wedding a year, and cancel the honeymoon. In my opinion, someone with no income (your FH) has no business planning a wedding.
    Also, it runs me the wrong way that you seem to think your parents have more responsibility to pay for your wedding than your FH. You sound bitter about the way they handle their own finances.


  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    Have you heard the phrase, "having your cake and eating it too"? That's what you want, Jessica. Unfortunately, no one gets everything they want.

    You said the honeymoon was most important. That FH not working was important. That being married is important. Great! You can have all of that. What you can't have is a big, fancy wedding. So, you adjust. Have a cake and punch reception from 2 to 4 pm. Pick up a few veggie and cheese trays from WalMart. Have it at a church which will be free or really cheap. You said you aren't serving alcohol, so an evening event would be a bust anyway. You said you were wanting to have a night out at the bar. You can still do that.

    Buy a cheap dress. Have one BM and GM. Simple flowers like daisies or carnations. No STDs, one page invitations. With a cake & punch reception, no need for RSVPs.

    I hope you realize in the next 18 months that the marriage is far more important than the wedding.

  • Jessica
    Devoted June 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Cause you can get married in any old way. Ask any of these people telling me to elope or go to the courthouse. I wanted a real honeymoon, real time with my husband.
  • Jessica
    Devoted June 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Obviously. People are yelling at me because I’m getting living situations figured out after which makes no sense to me.
    hes going to be ok job wise because his college places 99% of their students in full time positions. They’re very proud of it. And even if he doesn’t I can afford the both of us on my own when I’m not paying for a wedding. That’s why the wedding is the one stressor here.
    i already have an emergency fund. I do know these things! That’s why I’m getting frustrated with these comments making out that I’m some stupid child who hadn’t considered all of this.

  • starsinwaves
    VIP November 2018
    starsinwaves ·
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    Lots of good posts on this thread, but this is great advice. Have a late afternoon reception, let your friends do their own things for dinner, then meet up for bar hopping/after party after dinner.

    I remember a meme going around in college that said "sleep, social life, good grades: pick two." This is your situation, "honeymoon, FH not working, fancy wedding: pick two."

  • Jessica
    Devoted June 2019
    Jessica ·
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    My engagement ring was $200. I am taking all this into account
  • Jessica
    Devoted June 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Your advice is very helpful! Thank you!
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
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    We are only saying these things because of how you have responded. To a lot of us it sounds like your priorities are not in order.

    Surviving on rice and beans to afford a fancy wedding AND a honeymoon AND a new apartment all at the same time with such a restrained budget does not sound like the best plan.
  • stbmrs2019
    Devoted September 2019
    stbmrs2019 ·
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    And you can have that. But it doesn't need to be right away after you get married. Plenty of people push it off for a bit so that they can afford their wedding first. You went about it backwards. The wedding comes before the honeymoon.

    And honestly, if you care more about the honeymoon than the wedding, why even get married?

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