No Money

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Sweetie, I don't think the poster meant any disrespect, but I will tell you as a 53 year old woman, when you start living with someone, you really, really see who you are truly dealing with. Weekends and actually sharing space with someone day in and day out is something entirely different, plus sharing bills and other responsibilities is no joke! People can show you their "representative" every time they see you, but when you live with them and they have no where to go to "turn off" that personality, that's when you see the raw person. I'm not trying to give any unsolicited advice on a forum - just trying to perhaps lend some insight to what the other poster was saying.

Marrying someone before living with them is a bad idea. FH and I spent a ton of time "basically living together" (lol) before finally actually doing it and it is not the same. In a way, it made moving in more difficult because we were used to our time together being special and sort of like a vacation. Then we moved in together and suddenly we had bills to deal with, and he hates how I leave dishes in the sink, and I hate how he clutters the coffee table, etc. We still love living together 95% of the time, but there are so many things you just don't think about.

Add onto that the fact that your FH has no income, and you're prioritizing a vacation over everything else, and it really seems to me you are not ready to get married. Sorry.

View Quoted Comment We are doing a Thursday eve wedding too. Shaved off $600

That's horrible advise. I wish I never lived with my fh or played house. It prolonged are marriage plans because we got too comfortable.

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I hardly think it's horrible advice to let people know that they may not be compatible living together and that it's a good idea to find out before getting married. Your story sounds like you proved my point; if you got too comfortable, that means you hadn't yet learned how to work on your relationship while living together.
It's also not playing house to create a home and life with someone with whom you're planning to spend your life.

View Quoted Comment It’s not horrible advice just because it didn’t work out well for you. FH proposed to me after only about three months after I moved in with him. After seeing how wonderful it’s been to live together it made him even more excited to get married to me.

View Quoted Comment If you read what she was quoting you might not have made that assumption. We were literally talking about off the wall ways to save, and a cash back credit card for your normal purchases was something I recommended. It is good advice not to go into debt for a wedding. On that we can agree, but getting a credit card is a sound choice for multiple reasons. Cash back is nice. But there is also a level of safety with fraud protection. But if you didn't read what she was quoting, I can understand where you could assume she meant something else.

Haven't read all the comments but...

Have the wedding you can afford without cutting corners or wait to have the wedding you want.

If you can only afford a 4k wedding then have a beautiful budget wedding for 20-30 people. The love will still be there without killing yourself working 125 hours.

You can always postpone your honeymoon until your FH is out of school and able to help out financially. I understand you supporting him while he is full time in school but I have to agree with others..he can't even get a 10-15 hr job/week to help out at all??

Lastly, I really don't understand the whole "playing house" analogy...if they lived together it's not pretend they are being adults and sharing bills. Far from playing.

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If youre wanting to put your focus on having an amazing honeymoon, the easiest thing to do would be to have a courthouse wedding in a cute white dress with some flowers, or have an intimate ceremony at a church, then take your families out to an upscale restaurant to celebrate with them and hit the town with friends for drinks instead of a formal reception. Use whatever money leftover and put towards the honeymoon. Do an extra excursion/activity, stay an extra night, or upgrade your hotel room for the week.

I agree with what others have said about not stressing yourself sick over this. If the wedding isnt a huge priority, why put yourself through all the extra stress of having to do everything and pay for everything yourself?! Weddings are enough stress as is! I cant imagine all the stress you are feeling! Have a simple wedding day and then go enjoy your honeymoon!

View Quoted Comment I’m aware.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Best of luck to you too!

I’m surprised this hasn’t come up... maybe cut back on your weekend visits to save money if he’s not contributing. Marriage is about sacrifices. You’ve said what’s important. The honeymoon, not loving together without being married and him being in school. Anything else can be cut. That may mean fewer visits. If you can’t go more than a week without each other, that’s not a good sign

View Quoted Comment We see each other every other weekend not every weekend. And he’s not some lay around jerk not contributing.

I never said he was. You admitted you’re doing this all yourself. If you keep saying he’s not a lazy jerk, makes me wonder if you secretly resent him cuz no one has said that.

Otherwise, cut your visits back to once a month. Decide what’s REALLY important and make sacrifices otherwise. Paying for a wedding, or a marriage shouldn’t be left up to one person. You will resent him if this is how things keep going.

View Quoted Comment Cause you know our relationship. I’m glad other people in this discussion understand what I’m talking about. As helpful as your advice was, I’m good.

This is an extremely rude thing to say and I’m amazed that you said it. Just simply amazed.

View Quoted Comment It’s a cruise. We got a huge deal for booking early and we both knew before anything else that it was what we wanted to spend the most money on. It’s in my budget apart from the other wedding expenses.

View Quoted Comment I see you are getting upset over words that you are using to describe your FH as being. You are putting those out there, not us. I see you are assuming those words "lay around jerk" are others thoughts-it's coming straight from you. I don't know, reflect that perhaps.

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Surprised you're that upset over it if you have that much confidence in your decision.

Anyway, I don't like arguing online, and I think we're beating a dead horse now, so I'm going to excuse myself from the conversation.

At the end of the day, anyway, it's your life! Live it how you choose, and I wish you the best of luck.

View Quoted Comment ?? People literally started this whole discussion with “if he’s not contributing maybe you should rethink your relationship” and with “stop making excuses for him.”
No one can pretend like these posts were not meant the way they were taken. We can stop pretending that I’m being sensitive to these posts, and realize that I came here stressed and upset hoping for others who understood (and I got some) and am getting over zealous Party planners telling me I 1. Shouldn’t get married at all 2. He’s not helping and that’s bad. 3. That I’m being entitled 4. That all I care about is the wedding when I’ve explained several times that my worry is mainly that my budget has been cut so many times and it’s rough, but I have the things I care about. 5. That I’m not being responsible when I’m paying off debt, saving enough money to guarantee deposits all before I get to the 4K extra that I have for the wedding at the moment. 6. That somehow it’s caring more about a party than it is the marriage when the things I have planned for sure are the officiant, the honeymoon, and deposits.

this is the most ridiculous thread I’ve ever seen. But at least it put all this into perspective. It’s a party. The fact that people are questioning all this over a PARTY is ridiculous and rude and painful. I don’t see how this isn’t obvious.