No Money

Quite frankly, OP, your responses to others seem more rude than anyone's suggestions. You want to vent? Ok, but people are trying to get real with you. Most people work in college, it's just fact. If he doesn't want to, that's fine. I wouldn't like it if FH wasn't willing to contribute when I was working so hard to have a great wedding. You need to scale back and get realistic. If you can't get all things to align with your budget while also allocating money for things like postage which gets expensive, then maybe just elope. See if you can get married on your cruise or something. We wanted a great honeymoon, but the wedding was still planned and budgeted for first. That's the way it is normally done and it's that way for a reason. $4k is a huge stretch for 100 people. Even if you think 25 won't come they still need to be budgeted for or you're going to be in a really bad financial spot. People will give you suggestions. If you don't like them, that's on you. You've gotten some great suggestions and just because you don't want to hear them doesn't mean they are "rude".

What does my mil issues have to do with this post? Ya that’s right. NOTHING I also have a very happy/ loving stable relationship. Yippee for us both now can we be supportive of the op?

View Quoted Comment So the OP is decreasing her chances of divorce because they aren’t living together BUT:

1. She’s under 25 which is a higher rate
2. Her FH won’t have a full time job when they marry- financial stress is a huge cause of divorce
3. They are currently in a one income relationship- also cause for divorce in many cases

sooo I think I’ll take my chances on having lived with H prior to getting married 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, it’s possible to have a wedding around 4K! Our budget is 3k-ish. See if there’s a place or someone you know who will let you use their backyard or something similar. And then go from there. I got my wedding dress for $250, photographer for $375, 100 invitations for $60-70, then your big expenses are food and entertainment! We’re probably doing a food truck because it’s cheaper!

View Quoted Comment You actually brought the topic up that living together first increases the chances of divorce, so we have a right to refute your inaccurate claim. You are citing old data that has since been debunked. The study I posted is more recent than your data and if you actually read it, it makes a lot of sense. I don’t think anyone was telling OP that it’s terrible for them not to live together before they get married, but she says she wishes she could see her FH more and so we were pointing out that she might want to move in with him, and I think people also thought it could help them grow as a couple. But you refuted that by saying that increases the chance of divorce, which is your opinion and that’s fine, but it’s not a fact like you presented it to be, and we just trying to explain that. Most of the advice given to her actually hasn’t been mean or nasty or whatever you want to call it, it’s just practical.

View Quoted Comment My comment was not directed to you at all. Nor anyone other than the op. I live with my fh too so it’s the same for me as you. Not sure why you are so defensive about it And to be clear I am not untested in finding out. You were trying to get a rise out of me and disqualify me by bringing up my post. My fmil’s behavior is her own and has nothing to do with me. It is not relevant to this post. So go calm down I am sure your relationship will be fine and so will mine. Have a good night.

View Quoted Comment

Yep, I agree. We all have money issues and budgeting issues. Me and fiance work FT, I am in grad school and I have two kids in college (Ex doesn't help btw) so....I get it. OP put herself in a bind by paying for honeymoon, now she wants a wedding with bells and whistles but parents can't help. My parents are deceased, fiance's are retired so.....we are old enough to pay for it we never expected help. She wanted to vent, she did and we offered advice on how to still have a wedding on a budget. She got defensive and that is too bad. All the advice had good intentions, Jessica got defensive. Oh well - she will live and learn and make better choices in the future, and not put the cart before the horse next time.

And @M.Hand was never rude.

View Quoted Comment This.
With these forums it's sometimes hard to discern advice from nastiness. But most everyone in this thread has been honest and helpful. They don't need to be told that their marriages are going to end because they lived together beforehand.

Signed,
Woman Living with Fiance and Loving It

View Quoted Comment The link I included was from April 2017. I am not going to argue with you. You can find whatever you like online. The op can as well. It was meant to help cheer her up and from what I can find is actually valid. Again this is not helpful and I will not continue this convo here. If you want to bicker about it on another post we can. She seems like a pretty smart girl I hope it all works out for her 😁

Just cut the guest list I'm on the Same boat.some very large family's cutting them down 2 members. Don't stress they will understand..

View Quoted Comment Your ARTICLE was from 2017. NOT the studies cited in the link. So once again, OUTDATED.

Articles are NOT the same things as studies.

View Quoted Comment You keep saying you won’t contribute to this convo anymore but then you keep arguing with me and others. The data in the 2017 article is old. The article I posted explains why the data showing that living together increases the chance of divorce is inaccurate. There are other explanations like poverty because low income couples are more likely to live together sooner and also to get divorced, so the increased divorced rate is caused by the poverty, not living together. Please read it before continuing to insist that your data is accurate. I’m not posting this to be mean. I just want people to use accurate facts to support there arguments, or instead to just present their arguments as opinions instead of facts. I also didn’t write my other posts directed at OP to be mean, I truly want her to learn to start making better choice because she has put herself in a very stressful situation but it really doesn’t need to be so hard.