No Money

I have my parents and fiancee. But thats how I feel lately. Paying things off, credit cards and my son 10th birthday. Its suck. But it will work out. And it will be worth it. Remember love is strong and its why your doing this.

My husband worked full time, with overtime many days, 6 days a week, and went to school. He still contributed equally to our wedding.
Cut the guest list and push the date back if needed. May have to take a loss on the honeymoon.

View Quoted Comment Potluck is not okay. OP, do NOT, under any circumstances, do this.

Could you cut down the number of people you're inviting? I know that's often times a huge cost when it comes to weddings. If you cut down the people, you cut down the cost. I'll also echo what others have said, a brunch wedding will cost less, look at government buildings (parks), DIY a ton. You've got this! I believe in you!

If you’re frustrated now, how do you think you’re going to feel a year from now when you’ve been busting your ass to pay for this wedding by yourself and your FH is barely making ends meet with side jobs. You don’t even know if he’ll have a full time job when you get married. Unless you’re prepared to financially be responsible for your household, it’s not wise to plan a wedding and get married before that happens.

You don't need to say yes to all his mom’s guests, and you need to cut your guest list. Even in the cheapest locations, I don’t know anyone who can get food and alcohol for 100 people for 2k and realistically only 50% of your budget should go to food/beverage. That’s $20pp including taxes and fees.

Don’t make excuses for your FH. You should not be the only one paying for this wedding and supporting him. He needs to be a partner in this process. I had two full time jobs in college and now I’m in grad school with one full time job, one part time job, and an unpaid internship. If you need money, you work. You’re doing all you can so it’s time for him to step up.

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Yeah this struck me the wrong way, too. OP, like I said before there's no shame in postponing.

I heard you say a lot of these things are happening because his family would be unhappy. You're getting married because they would be unhappy if you lived together without being married. They gave you a guest list that you feel obligated to invite. Do you feel comfortable saying 'no' to your future in-laws? I totally get wanting to make them happy, but them being unhappy seems like an okay price to pay to not be this stressed.

If you truly NEED to get married before you move in together, I would do a courthouse ceremony and take your family out to dinner after. Not everyone can afford a traditional wedding. That's not mean, that's just realistic. Get married for $1,000, put the rest in savings, go on your honeymoon, and in 5 years when you're in a better place financially you can do a vow renewal the way you want it.

As many others have said, cutting the guest list can go a long way. I played around with numbers once I had a catering quote I felt was reasonable. For my siuation I found that cutting ten people saved me 600 dollars and so even cutting 15 would be 900 dollars less.

It wasn't easy to think about cutting the guest list but even a moderate cut can go a long way. Playing with actual numbers really helped me come to terms with it so if you have some quotes, it may be worthwhile.

View Quoted Comment First of all, I’d appreciate it if you could be kinder in tone. I’ve answered most of your questions already in other posts.
He’s not working and don’t make him sound like a lay about jerk. It’s important that he focuses on School due to history, his condition, and the fact that he is currently 100 miles away and I only see him every other weekend.
i had a budget. I was meeting a budget. The honeymoon was most important to me. My budget had to lower due to other circumstances.
im already doing your advice. Two amateur photographers (totaling $300), fake flowers, DIY. This is ibvious.
ive already read Dave Ramsey and you know my parents won’t listen to me. And regardless of obligation, my parents promise stuff to me all the time and don’t come through. My parents said their entire life that they would help and arent. They are terrible with money and I never said they had an abligation only that they couldn’t help and it was another reason why I was alone in funding a Wedding.

View Quoted Comment Ive already explained why he isn’t working atm. Lay off him, there is a good reason.

View Quoted Comment He’s not working atm. My FH has great reasons and so do I. I don’t resent him for not working. Please lay off him.

View Quoted Comment There’s no agreement he just has to move after he graduates. And I can actually afford paying for two when I’m not paying for a wedding, funnily enough.

View Quoted Comment I’ve gotta talk to MIL (she had 54 must-haves). 😩 guest list is my best option right now cause I’m doing the obvious cost cutters.

View Quoted Comment I actually do know he’ll have a full time job when we get married. I need everyone to stop judging him for the situation. There are plenty reasons why he’s not working ATM and why I don’t want him workingATM.
Guest list is the plan

View Quoted Comment He has his reasons, and it’s important. Since no one here knows the full story I’d appreciate this argument going away.

So I’m stressed and come here, make a post. And so many peoples solutions are to 1. Insult my FH. 2. Belittle me. 3. Give me the obvious solutions that every single cost cutting article ever says.

Thank you to those of you who didn’t do these things. I appreciate those of you who just said “same” because I needed people who understood.

Im planning on discussing the guest list with MIL when I can. I need to learn more about renting a dress, and I’m already shopping consignment.

View Quoted Comment Nothing in life is guaranteed- even that job you think he’s going to get more than a year from now. You don’t really care about that though. I’ve been there. Young and confident that I knew exactly how life was going to go for me. It doesn’t always happen that way though. You do you, but you got a lot of sound advice on this thread and your reaction to most of it shows your age.

Well after 4 pages of comments, I still agree with PP to wait this out. There are just too many moving parts that are working against you right now for you to move forward with a wedding.

You have to be realistic. Wait.

If you rush to have your dream wedding on your ever shrinking budget, you will most likely regret it. Not to mention, you are falling under the pressure of familial obligations and guilt. Our families are relatively religious but FH and I moved in together almost 4 years ago now so that we could be closer to each other and see if this long distance relationship would survive us seeing each other every day. We were 22and 23 at the time with a goal of marrying each other. We definitely were not financially stable enough to both host a wedding and maintain an apartment. And we were both earning at the time. So we focused on the apartment, our finances, and working through all the issues that come with cohabitating.

Time is on your side. Do not let your family pressure you into a wedding that falls far from your dream. Focus on the two of you becoming stable financially first. Then worry about the wedding.

And definitely don't think about the honeymoon at this point. You can't have a honeymoon if you aren't married. Take a mini vacation instead if you are stuck on a date.

View Quoted Comment His school has a 99% placement rate after graduation.

View Quoted Comment The honeymoon matters more to me than the wedding.

this is what I don’t understand! People are saying I’m putting carts before the horse: why not plan my life after we’re married and our first great trip. That’s more important to me than the wedding because the wedding is a giant party.
yeah it’s a bummer that I can’t have the wedding I wanted but I can throw another party a different time if I have to.