No kids, casual dress, no heels and cash bar...

@Beatrice golf course does not equal country club. However, most courses do still have dress codes and jeans definitely wouldn't be allowed!

No heels? Cash Bar?

I needed popcorn for this.

@Kristina - Hey Date Twin! 8/26/17!

I am as well having a cash bar because the hall I'm having my reception at had no other options. But in my area, weddings I've been to both friends and family weddings were cash bar too. It's all by word of mouth so everyone knows about it.

I don't care what people have to say or others opinions on it. Everyone plans and does things differently for THEIR day. Don't think people need to be so judgmental!

Anyways, I hope you figure everything out regarding shoes and what not!

Good luck!

@Nichole....what??? Here's another option. You pay at the end of the night.

@kristina. I've never tried alcohol before and I'm 26 and we're still having an open bar. You not drinking has 0 to do with your guests.

So now that I'm good and drunk from all the shots I had to take from ONE thread! My advice: film crew. I know you either have a go fund me or honeyfund, so if you film this disaster and sell it, you'll be able to fund your sex holiday. Lordy! This is the trolliest of troll posts!

OMG! I was just browsing- host your guest properly! NO CASH BAR. I don't drink nor care about alcohol but we are having a full open bar. Doesn't matter what excuses you have or can find to justify a cash bar it's just super rude.

Have a dry wedding if you don't want to pay for alcohol and maybe you could have baskets with cute flip flops for those guest that wear heals.

If I saw someone paid for flip flops for all the guests but I had to buy my own drinks, I would NOT be happy.

I am NOT wearing "cute flip flops" out of a basket for a whole event. I have arch issues and I need a lot more support than that from a shoe. Heels are actually the most comfortable option for me. but I could get by with supportive wedges if need be. More than an hour in flip flops would hobble me.

I agree with OP and a few others. Never been to a wedding that wasn't a cash bar although some have hosted keg beer or cocktail hour in addition to that. Not a big deal. Not the end of the world. No one judged the hosts harshly or left in a fit of rage.

MellissaHH's analogy is pure gold.

I LOVE these posts.....continue

Barefoot, sober, adults-only dance party...yeah, that's how I want to spend my Saturday.

Lordy.. the judgement.

I'm having a small wedding, no alcohol because I'm paying for everything out of MY pocket. And I will not take out a loan for a wedding that will last one night. That's my choice, my style. That doesn't make me a bad host. "Self centered"?? It's your wedding/vow renewal/ whatever. While I agree that your plans distasteful, you can take constructive criticism and change things around which you seem to be open to. So the snide comments are unnecessary.

I love the idea of flip flops and in your situation I'd say no bar and provide tea and lemonade etc. Or the beer and wine is a good idea too.

IMO this is about you and your husband. I chose to have a small intimate wedding with family only and not have to worry about entertaining hundreds of people. When his family said it was important to them to have a "wedding celebration" with friends and extended family, I let them plan it later on knowing all me and FH would have to do is show up and have fun with our friends and family.

Kristina, there's a distinct difference between an event that is, via styling and various options, "laid back" and an event that is, by the couple's lack of motivation, "laid back". One feels right. The other feels thrown together.

One of your later posts says it all: "And yes they all know we're married. They are all for this pseudo-wedding." That's an interesting choice of words -- "psuedo-wedding" (although understandable, considering the fact that this event is one of generational appeasement, which is what you wrote). FYI, you won't gain many fans among the vow renewal community members with that prefix, which by definition, means, "not actually, but having the appearance of; pretended; false or spurious; sham, or almost, approaching, or trying to be." Vow renewal is the correct term (and after 10 months of marriage, it doesn't make a lot of sense).

There's evidence throughout your posts that points to something that you may not really want to host. You wrote, "And I will fix the date. It is supposed to be Saturday the 26th." Well, you must have fixed it, because all I see is the correct date. Apparently you wrote another date -- a little strange (which is why it was mentioned). Most people hosting a wedding, or a similar type of public event, know the date off the top of their heads. Some even know the exact number of days until their weddings.

You also wrote about alcohol, and while I did see your posts indicating that you're now considering hosting at least beer and wine, I couldn't help but notice this: "Half of our families are of the back woods mindset with little self control and we will not pay for our uncles to get sloppydrunk and unruly." Actually, what you're saying is that you were not willing to pay for anyone to drink. Beyond that, this isn't a particularly nice way of describing those family members who are "all for this pseudo-wedding" (your words, not mine). They're either "backwoods" people who over-indulge, or they're conservatives who don't drink. Is there nobody in the middle? That's hard to believe.

You do realize that a cash bar will not stop the unruly from exacting their own special brand of unruliness, right? Secondly, if they're really that unruly, the would-be drunks will probably venture off to the clubhouse, open to patrons, for liquor -- instead of the wine/beer you may be charging them to consume (I've seen it happen...and it doesn't make for a happy couple when several tables of guests have left the tent and are having their own party -- across the green). I think you'll see that the out-of-control, potential sloppy drunks are far less out of control than you would have imagined -- once they are properly hosted with wine/beer and served by a licensed bartender.

And, then we have this: "We are however providing an open non-alcoholic beverage 'bar.' I don't want guests paying for a pepsi! Just needed to throw that out there...". No, you didn't need to throw that out there. Of course we, like your guests, would assume that you would, at the very least, host soft drinks (and you were right to put the word "bar" in quotation marks. A soda dispensing station is hardly a bar).

Your solution, as originally stated, doesn't make much sense when you think about it: "...he and I both don't really do alcohol ("do" alcohol?). Any barbecues, parties or gathering we have our guests know we don't provide. We would have a completely dry wedding if it wasn't for extended family complaining about it." So, despite the potential unruly behavior of some of your guests, you are now willing to overlook that threat (as well as your "dry" reputation for refusing to host any of your guests, at any hosted occasion -- be it a BBQ, a social gathering, or a party -- with a glass of wine/beer) and allow your troublesome guests to indulge -- albeit at their own expense? This is where this whole rationale falls apart; if you will not host alcohol because an invited guest or guests is/are likely to turn your reception into a college frat party, then you've solved nothing by presenting them with a cash bar. Whether it costs them money or not, the unruly, sloppy drunks are going to imbibe. If the issue is anything besides a no gray area, religious imperative (and the guests are all members of that religion), the pro-cash bar position is almost invariably an issue of budget vs. guest list (not good guest behavior vs. bad guest behavior). Typically, there is far more of one than the other, and instead of subtracting from the guest list, the hosts start subtracting from guest experience...welcome to the cash bar.

You also wrote, "And I don't think it's being entitled if I have no interest in alcohol, but have to allow other adults access to it because they can't deal with out it for a single night." Ouch. To begin with, whether it's due to your cash bar, the club house cash bar, a car bar, or a flask, you aren't "allowing other adults access" to liquor. If they want it, they'll have it. Secondly, what a rash judgment you've made with that statement. They can't live without alcohol for a single night? I'm willing to bet that most of them can get through a Tuesday evening quite well without alcohol, and if they can't, a cash bar is certainly not going to stop them from enjoying a Saturday evening party. Again, a tired platform for the cash bar argument because a wedding reception -- like any party/social gathering (except the ones you regularly host -- and that's according to you), is the perfect environment for adult beverages. Have you seen a beer commercial lately?

Back to the issue of how attached to this idea you actually are...you wrote, "Also, I have no limo, the dj is a young kid just starting out, the photographer is a friend from high school and I'm doing my own flowers to cut costs...". So, you do have more guests than budget, and this crew of non-pros just adds to that feeling. A limo is hardly a luxury, and not having one isn't really a sacrifice. A young kid/DJ -- just starting out -- sounds like an absolute nightmare. A DJ is not just a performer, he's also the party barometer. He carries a lot of weight because if he "dies", so does your party. That's a big risk. You said you're not sold on this DJ yet -- you said he's just an option. With four months to go before your event, you need more than options -- you need a professional. As for your high school pal with a camera? He/She is being charged with a task that is massive (and personal, which is a mistake). If this person were an actual pro who was competing with other pros on a level playing field, you'd still be well advised to select a stranger. If you end up hating your photos, your relationship with this friend could very well suffer.

And then we get to the venue..."I do remember the event coordinator mentioning no heels on the 18th for the quick vow ceremony. The tent could totally be in the lawn and not the 'green.' That's all I got. I don't know about closing the course for a wedding at 4pm Saturday...". Again, with four months to go, these are details you haven't locked down? Having done quite a few golf course receptions, I DO know about closing the course for a wedding at 4 PM on a summer Saturday. They won't do it. And, I think you'd better go over that event coordinator's head and find out how many times, on a Saturday afternoon in August, the management has set up chairs and an aisle for a wedding ceremony on the 18th hole. It would be anarchy in knee length shorts. You need to know where your ceremony is being held.

And flip flops are cute -- at the community pool. I know women who would not agree to remove their heels and replace them with flip flops at a wedding. I hate heels, but I'm in the minority, and I'm reminded of that every time I attend a luncheon, dinner, or wedding.

A golf course wedding/vow renewal, in and of itself, speaks to a polished, upscale event -- not something laid back with a cash bar, flip flops, and amateur vendors running the show. And I seriously hope that you're going to do more than merely look into the beer/wine option. It should be a non-negotiable.

Now, probably the most confusing parts of your posts refer to your reasons for having this event. You wrote, "We eloped in October and are only having a reception to appease our parents...My grandmother and great aunt and his grandfather were very upset they didn't see us exchange vows, and that the ceremony wasn't performed by a memeber of the clergy. Means a vow exchange with a pastor." Why should it mean that? Actually, the complaints of your grandmother, great aunt, and grandfather may be heartfelt, but that doesn't mean you have to have a "psuedo-wedding" for them. You eloped. That was your decision, and you don't have to present an encore because family members have decided that you didn't have the "right" kind of wedding. If a wedding performed by a member of the clergy was important to you, you would have had one. You don't have to appease your parents with what you refer to as a psuedo-wedding.

What you're calling "laid back" sounds more like something in which you aren't really invested. Are you sure you want to spend all this money on something you already said isn't your idea?

Leslie, once you invite guests, it's no longer "your" day.

I'm happy to agree to disagree. I'm obviously the minority on this forum and knew that posting. But I firmly believe it is. You're wedding is literally about celebrating you and your FH.

OMG! I may have to find a religion, this thread of gold is still up and people are still commenting their horrible hosting ideas.

For those of you who have only ever gone to cash bar weddings, do you not know adults? I have never been to an event in my entire adult life wedding, baptism, dinner party, barbecue, work event, that has been cash bar, because, adult.