My friend got engaged after me.

To answer your question, yes.

Holy crappy spelling batman!! Bottom line, you get one day, she gets one day. If it bugs you that much that she wants to do the same theme, don't talk to her about your wedding plans anymore. Politely decline the offer to be a bridesmaid and get over it. Yes, you are wrong and yes you are being a bridezilla.

Yes, you're being a bridezilla. Let all of this go and focus on your own wedding.

You each get one day. Unless you buy the exact same decor items, dress for you, BM dresses, venue, vendors, ETC that the weddings will be exactly 100% the same or that anyone will notice or care.

She gets one day

You get one day.

Those days are months apart and no one will even think about her wedding at your wedding and if they do that is super petty.

Just calm down and let it go.

You're being a little bridezilla... I know it sucks to watch people get engaged after you and married before you. My own younger sister did the same to me (engaged six months after, married six months before), but it is what it is, and you plan for your day.

Now it's annoying that she chose a similar/same theme as you and it's more telling of her character, but if you only have a few people in common, it's really not the end of the world. I'm sure those people know you were planning first and may realize that she copied from you. But really... who cares? Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Last, your friend wants you as a bridesmaid and you don't want to because she picked the same theme? Well, that says a bit more about your character and friendship. Don't talk to her about your plans, that's fine. Say no because of financial reasons, but if it's just because you don't like what she did, then that is Bridezilla with a capital B.

Yes, you are wrong. The 20s theme is not unique to you. It's actually very popular right now. She planned her wedding four months before yours? Oh, the horror!!!! She has every right to schedule her wedding whenever she wants as long as it's not on your day. Cool your jets and reevaluate what it means to be a friend.

Your mad because she's planning her wedding before yours and using a vintage theme? I could understand if it was like the day before yours, but 4 months thats a little crazy. As far as the theme goes thats a pretty popular one and as long as she's not incorporating specifics I really don't think its going to matter. If you don't want to be a bridesmaid tell her but you are definitely overreacting.

I have a friend who is doing a similar thing, and quite frankly, you don't know how it feels if it hasn't happened to you. I don't think you're being a bridezilla. Simply don't talk about wedding plans. Let her know once again how you feel and be honest. As far as the bridesmaids stuff goes.. If you're going to look back in ten years and wish you had been standing with her on her big day, then you'll regret saying no.

You're having a pretty long engagement even if you got engaged yesterday but since she got engaged 6 months after you I'm going to assume you have already been engaged at least 6 months. That's a 2 year engagement. I can guarantee you will have more people get engaged and married before your wedding. My engagement has been 15 months and without even trying to think in depth about it, I can think of 3 couples off the top of my head that have been engaged after me and are already married before me. So being upset about her planning her wedding 4 months before yours is ridiculous and bridezilla-like.

Being upset about the theme is a more fair thing to be upset about IMO since it's more of a specific theme than most weddings. You have already expressed that you don't like that she is planning to do the same theme. I don't think there is much else you can do about it. A lot of your mutual friends are not going to really care if it's the same theme though and some may even know you were planning it first. Truthfully, some probably won't even notice it's the same theme because a lot of people don't care about a wedding theme. Even with the same theme, you can still make it different from her wedding though. I would focus on what you can do to make yours unique and I would stop talking about wedding plans with her. Everyone has a right to say they do not want to be a bridesmaid but if she is a close friend, I think you should still be there to support her.

Yes you definitely are.

You get one day, she gets one day. She doesn't have to have a long engagement just because you did.

And the 20's as a theme is not unique to you at all.

I understand where you're coming from. I have a cousin who didn't even congratulate me on my engagement and then he got engaged nine months after me (of course I congratulated him) but is having his wedding in the spring of next year before my wedding. Everyone is now making a huge deal over him, but I'm telling you it's not worth getting upset over. Focus on you and your FH and don't worry about her wedding. Congratulate her, be the bigger person, and don't share any more details about your big day. Even if she tries to copy your theme she will probably have different elements and I doubt anyone will truly notice.

This actually reminded me of something else that happened with me the other day. A coworker of mine asked how my wedding planning was going so I said "fine" (trying not to say too much), but she pushed and wanted to know what I was doing for decor. I told her we are keeping it simple with mason jars, burlap, and lace... I couldn't even finish saying what we wanted inside the jars when she freaked and started asking if I saw her pictures because she did the same. Honestly that made me really annoyed because I had no interest in copying her. Burlap and lace around mason jars is very common, but she would not accept that. I'm pretty sure she went around work complaining afterwards that I'm copying her. I looked for her pictures on Facebook and her centerpieces look nothing like what I'm doing.

Don't let details about decor bother you. Your day will be special.

ETA- the coworker of mine was a total bridezilla and very unpleasant to be around as she was planning her wedding. Don't be like her.

I slightly understand your frustrations of her "copying" your wedding theme.....but even tho the theme is the same the entire atmosphere will be different (venue, decor, food, etc). There is no need for you to get all upset. If you don't want to be a BM, politely decline and focus on your own wedding. Calm down, move on, get over it. Who cares that shes engaged and getting married, be happy for your friend.

My gosh please go back and edit your spelling. It's all I can pay attention to. Who cares if you have the same theme. You're being a bridezilla. I am 1 of 1,000,000 brides having a vintage country theme, just like you are 1 of 1,000,000 have a roaring 20's theme. It isn't like you are the first person to come up with this theme

Your wedding date isn't even until 2019.... did you expect her to have a super long engagement just because you are? I get why you'd be ticked about the theme - but just keep your mouth shut about your own wedding going forward and it shouldn't be a problem, they'll be plenty different. #bridezilla

That's sounds selfish of you, I have a friend who got engage after me n also getting married before me. I am super happy, for them

Any time you share details of your wedding, you are leaving it open to someone also using "your" ideas as their inspiration.

That being said, you are not the first, nor the last, to be having/wanting/doing this theme.

Find it in you to be happy for your friend--genuinely happy, and go with it or simply tell her no to being a BM. I doubt she even knows you're annoyed at her.

Either way, you are both marrying two different people are starting two different lives. It's not a competition, it's a celebration. Treat it as such, and move on.

Plus you have some time to figure out your "theme." I've changed my colors like 509 times since becoming engaged which is why I will not be setting anything in stone until way, way closer to my wedding. Sure I enjoy looking at inspiration pictures and envisioning my wedding, but who knows if those are actually the colors, decor, style, theme, etc. I'll want a year from now. The same goes for her. Just because she's speaking about it doesn't necessarily set it in stone that that is the end all, be all.

Enjoy your engagement and don't worry about other bride's days. Let her have hers, I'm sure she's letting you have yours without complaining.

ETA: words

Get over yourself, boo!

20s theme doesn't sound that unique, but I can see why it would upset you. Being upset isn't rational, but it is a valid feeling. You just need to realize that she has every right to have a 20s themed wedding at it probably is not directed at you at all. The timing of her wedding is something you need to let go of though. If it was the week before yours then I could see being upset, but 4 months? Do you think none of your friends should be allowed to get married until you do?

I think it is a good idea to not share your wedding ideas. It isn't that she is necessarily going to copy your ideas on purpose, but you will probably be able to handle it better if there is no chance she could even subconsciously copy your ideas.

If you don't want to be in her wedding the best thing to do would be to tell her that you are swamped with planning your own wedding and don't feel comfortable with being in the bridal party.

Wow people can be mean. Apologize for the spelling mistakes. I didnt proof read. i was really just trying to get somethings off my chest so i don't have to bother the people around me. I thought this is what this forum was for. Obviously i understand that the 20's isnt exclusively mine. But for one of my closest friends to do the same exact thing as me is kind of a bummer.

As far as her planning her wedding before mine im more upset that she is expecting me to be able to be in and help with her wedding but i feel like i will have so much going on in my own life at that time. It sucks i wont be able to do both.

You focus on you, she cab focus on her.