My friend got engaged after me.

OP, you initially wrote, "...i dont know how to tell her i want to be as far away from her wedding as possible...", and you wrote those words right after you stacked perceived offense on top of perceived offense and after expressing how "infuriating" you find her wedding plans to be. You even ended your post with, "now she's asking me to be her bridesmaid", as though that's the icing on the offensive cake; as though we should pick our collective jaw off of the floor after reacting to her shameless lack of decorum and overall wedding malice.

Then, after asking if you're being a bridezilla (and being told by the majority that you are), you said that some in this community, those individuals who took the time to answer your questions with integrity and honesty, were "mean". Then you softened that initial response -- specifically addressing your new and sanitized reason for not wanting to be her bridesmaid. You wrote: "...im more upset that she is expecting me to be able to be in and help with her wedding but i feel like i will have so much going on in my own life at that time. It sucks i wont be able to do both." No, you didn't believe it sucked that you couldn't invest your time and effort into her wedding -- you believed it sucked because she stole your theme and was getting married before you. You made it clear that you WANT to get away from her wedding -- you're clearly not grieving or feeling an ounce of guilt. By the way, if you're not the DOC or wedding planner, what is it, exactly, that is so time consuming about buying a dress, showing up at a shower, and carrying a bouquet while walking her aisle that will deplete your wedding? What...and please, be specific.

You were, according to you, infuriated by her desire to share your theme and the nonsensical "she's getting married before me" issue (I don't understand that, and never will. It is the business of exactly two people when it comes to setting the wedding date -- and that's the two people involved. How any third party could actually believe that scheduling such a personal, life altering event has anything to do with them is concerning...very concerning). Unless there is an underground publication circulating among brides and grooms-to-be, what's up with this wedding date race? I'm not aware of anything entitled "Your Wedding: Winning the Competition of Theme, Date, Dress, and Décor".

I'm not going to call you a Bridezilla, but I will say that your attitude speaks to a certain level of immaturity that makes me wonder why you're getting this emotional -- and are willing to lose years invested in a friendship on the altar of an event that will be over in six hours. Maybe you need to hear this -- despite the few erroneous posts that indicate that something bad is happening to you. You're marrying someone you love and you can afford to have not only a wedding, but a wedding with a theme...and you're free to plan to have that wedding whenever you want to have it. You are not a victim...of anything. In fact, I think Sdot gave you great advice. Why don't the two of share the costs of decorations?

Now, be happy.

I wouldn't say you're being a bridezilla but I do think you're being melodramatic.

The delivery of some of the comments seem harsh but you have to understand that you're asking strangers for their opinions. Due to her being your friend and already knowing your ideas, I can understand why you would be annoyed. You have to also remember that you guys are friends. Tell her you didn't think what she did was cool. At the same time, you have plenty of time to change your theme. This time just keep quiet about it. Don't be selfish, be there for her, just like you expect her to be there for you.

I can understand why you would be upset. But is she using the same colors? The same style of cake? How about the exact same decorations? If the answer is no, let it roll off of your shoulders. We pushed our wedding back 18 months -- we are going to have PLENTY of friends get engaged and married in that time frame... and I am SO excited for them! I chose my bridesmaids because I knew they would help me and keep me sane... I think you should skip out in being a bridesmaid for your friend. The turmoil between you two will most definitely ruin her big day.

I love when people decide to have long engagements and then get mad when someone gets married before them. Oh I'm sorry, was I supposed to wait 3 years to get married to avoid hurting your feelings?

Lmao Ummmmmm yeah. Smh

My cousin did this to me, she had picked a date before she got engaged. I got engaged before her, and she said I couldn't get married before her. Everything from that moment on was a competition to her. She stared copying the things I was doing, and as upset as I was getting, you have to let it go! I thought us getting married around the same time would be fun! And help us bond, as it's something we could do together. But that wasn't the case. Stressing yourself out over her, is only going to ruin your time planning, trust me. Just stop telling her your plans. And enjoy your engagement and planing process.

Frankly, most of the Roaring 20s theme weddings don't look anything like the Roaring 20s. It's not like I can walk in and guess the theme at all. Your weddings will not look the same.

You're being a bridezilla.

She can have her wedding whenever she wants, it doesn't have to be on your timeline.

You already have your remedy, stop talking about your wedding details with her.

I literally have no idea what @Colleen is even talking about.

So you don't want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding because she wants to use your theme? Yeah that's a pretty bridezilla move right there. Is it a little annoying that she's using the same theme? Sure. Should you be mad she's getting married before you? No especially since it's a full 4 months before, not a week or a day before. Get over it, and be a good friend to her.

Get the fuck over yourself. You sound super egocentric & selfish. Yuck.

I feel like I'm in high school just reading this.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

Unfortunately you don't get to dictate what she does at her wedding. I agree that it's infuriating and I'd be super annoyed as well, but she gets to make her own decision

I would definitely be annoyed that she copied your theme. However, you can't be upset that she got engaged after you and is getting married before you. Don't mention anymore wedding plans around her. I would seriously cool and reconsider her offer about being her bridesmaid if she is a good friend to you. You don't want to lose friendship over a wedding.

Yes. You're being a bridezilla. You get one wedding. Don't let stupid themes ruin your plans. I hate how ppl think that just because they got engaged first means they should get married first.

TBH, I wouldn't even notice if someone had the same theme 4 months later.

Take a step back. Realize that you're friends with obviously the same taste. Don't destroy a friendship over this. And she is right, if only a few people will overlap, it's really not a big deal.

Vintage is a really really open theme and could be done a million different ways.

I had a vintage Hollywood- slightly art deco themed wedding too-

you mad bro?