My friend got engaged after me.

Honestly, everyone in my group of friends so far has had a rustic themed wedding. They've even shared decorations/center pieces/card boxes, etc.. and nobody has said a word. I have a friend getting married after me next year and I've already let her know she's free to have anything she wants from my wedding- so I'm having a REALLY difficult time understanding why you're so upset about her wanting a similar theme.

As far as being a bridesmaid, you're required to buy a dress and show up on time to the wedding. You don't have to halt your wedding plans to be part of her big day, and hopefully she'll be understanding that you can't be there at the drop of a hat because you'll have your own responsibilities as well...

I would be upset too :/ I say change your theme, find a better theme, continue letting her think your theme is still roaring 20's and just enjoy your day !

@Colleen, everyone is saying she's wrong because she is.

I read this an hour ago and haven't stopped rolling my eyes since.

If it's well done, I would be happy to attend both. It's not a competition. It's a wedding. Maybe you could see the good and split some costs on decorating. I've been to many wedding and to be honest, I remember very few details. I remember the food if it was bad. I remember the flowers if they were fantastic. I remember watching my friend marry her best friend. Other than that, I don't really get caught up in the details. Think back to any wedding you attended 3 yrs ago. Try to conjure up the decor in your memory, etc..,.

I think I would be mad also. Just my opinion. There are all sorts of themes for her to use. Everyone who attend your wedding will think your copying. I would change my theme if possible. And tell her nothing from now on about the wedding planning since she likes to copy.

Unless she's also copying every other little thing about your wedding, your days are going to be completely different.

And no.... her planning her wedding for before yours is not disrespectful. She gets to get married whenever she wants.

Don't end a friendship over a party.

First, just because she got engaged more recently than you did....doesn't mean she has to wait until your wedding has passed before she gets married. That's ridiculous. She can choose whatever date she wants. So yes, you're being a bit of a bridezilla.

Second, she asked you to be a bridesmaid, and you want to say no? Just because you're mad about her date and her theme? Saying no is fine as long as you have a valid reason, that isn't a valid reason. If she finds out that is the reason you decline, I wouldn't expect to remain friends with her.

Third, get over the theme thing. Themes change, colors change. If you have a different venue than her, nobody will be comparing the two weddings.

I got engaged in March. My MOH got engaged last week. If she told me her wedding was before mine, I would not care in the slightest. FH and I chose to have a longer engagement, so it's totally reasonable that someone may get married before us.

As for the theme, let it go. I can tell you, if I attended two weddings several months apart with the same theme I either a) wouldn't even notice or b) would not care in the slightest.

Quit being a bridezilla.

@OP - people choose to plan their weddings for a ton of reasons - none of which have to do with yo.

I have a cousin who got engaged three months after me. Shes planning her wedding for three months before mine. Her Reasons? 1. shes in college and wants it to be during a time when shes not in school.

2. Both she and her FH work jobs that have a heavy season (November - Feb for him, Jan 0 late april for her) so those months were out.

3. They didnt want a long engagement.

So they picked June. Which is before mine. and you know what? I do not care!! It's her wedding! It should be convenient for her! The same with your friend! She has her reasons for why she wants to do these things and I doubt any of them have to do with you.

Eh you are being a bit of a bridezilla but all you can do is have a better reception. It's funny because everyone I know who is planning their wedding has not been sharing any decor details lol. This is probably why

Umm I was in my friends wedding 2 weeks before mine and it was not a big deal at all. I even hosted the get ready party at my house the day of. So I don't think taking a random day off of wedding planning 4 months before your wedding is a big deal. If you don't want to be in it then you don't have to, but I don't think your wedding is a valid reason not to be.

About having the same theme, yes I can see why you are annoyed and I would probably be too, but look at it as an opportunity to take what she does and do it better. You will see what went well at hers and what didn't and have plenty of time to buy or change things. I think 4 months is a perfect gap so any overlap guests won't be comparing them too much and ones that do will see yours is better hosted and done better.

I don't think that it's a huge issue. I would be slightly annoyed at the same theme thing but it's not super uncommon

Stop talking about your wedding to her. Yes thats weird for her to "steal" your ideas. But look on pinterest. Nothing is original. Enjoy your day and let her enjoy hers.

They do say that emulation is the greatest form of flattery, so you could look at this as a compliment. If you really care about this friend, you shouldn't care so much if her wedding's similar to yours. Have you seen the movie Bride Wars? Two friends getting engaged at similar times shouldn't destroy a friendship. There shouldn't be any reason not to be her bridesmaid. The same theme can look completely different depending on colors and other decorations used.

My SIL got engaged after us and got married five months after us, DH first cousin got engaged after SIL and got married two weeks before SIL (three family weddings in five months, including ours). All the same relatives went to all three!! A very good friend of mine got engaged about a year after me and got married 2 weeks before our wedding. It was no big deal. When she told me when her date was she was worried I'd be annoyed, I couldn't have cared less, I was delighted for her. In fact we both picked that time of year for the same reason, it was off season so it was cheaper and it was over the easter holidays so people we off. Being honest we didn't really share our ideas with each other ( not for any particular reason ) and it was probably better that way. Thier wedding was fab, the two days couldn't have been more different. Even if you and your friend have similar themes they will still be different weddings, but don't share your ideas and then you wont able to think she's stealing them. Don't be a bridesmaid and go along as a guest and enjoy the day out. Actually I also had two good friends who did get married on the exact same day a few years ago. One was here, the other had a DW in Malta. It also wasnt a problem there wasn't too many friends in common. no one fell out that time either, in fact 6 years later we are all still good very friends!

Meh, I'd be annoyed too.

I'm with @Laura I never in a million years thought I would be that person, but a distant friend and I started talking again because we're both engaged and have weddings in common now. She told me her colors, I told her mine. I got her wedding invitation and it's literally all of my specific colors! I was very upset but told her the invitations are beautiful (they are) then said hey what are your colors again because these invited would match my wedding perfectly... and she said she loved my color scheme and hopes I don't mind she changed to it. Yes I fucking mind!! So no you're no a bridezilla for that reason. People don't realize it does hurt until it happens. As for being a bridesmaid, a theme is still just a theme and yours is pretty damn popular, don't be petty if you'll regret that.

My first thought is what is wrong with both of you? So yes.

I think you have every right to be angry towards her. You probably expressed your thoughts to her not thinking she would go ahead and use the same idea. I feel for you. Lesson learned not to share your ideas though.