My friend got engaged after me.

My best friend got engaged three weeks before I did, and I'm getting married about 8 months before she is. I didn't want a long engagement, she did. It would be insane for her to be mad at me for getting married before her.

Also, bridesmaids aren't salves. You don't have to help her plan her wedding if you don't want to. I haven't asked my bridal party to be in the wedding yet, and I probably won't until December. I didn't see a need to ask early because I don't need or want their help to plan my wedding.

I can see why you'd be a bit miffed that her wedding will have the same theme as yours, but as a guest, I don't remember what "theme" a wedding has. I only care if there is good food and enough booze. I'm sure your friends are the same.

Say congrats and move on. You should be happy for your friend.

FH and I are having a two year engagement. We have had 6 friends get engaged after us and all will be married before us. Do I care? Not at all. We are the ones who decided to have a long engagement because that was the right choice for us. It wouldn't be fair to all of those couples to have to put their lives on hold because FH and I happened to get engaged first. Like come on that has to common sense.

I get why you'd be mad.

But it really isn't a huge dealio. A theme is a theme.

I know at least 3 other brides doing a roaring 20's theme. It all comes down to execution.

Yikes! Yes you're going a little bridezilla! I do understand your frustrations to a point- but she's your friend! I'm assuming you're pretty good friends if she's asking you to be a BM. Do yourself a favor and don't tell her anymore ideas for your wedding, but why wouldn't you want to be a part of her day? Just because she likes your theme idea? She may have completely different ideas than yours! And she may actually have ideas that you'll love. There's a saying and it says "Immitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

I got engaged a few months after my cousin. Should I apologize to her that our SOs both had the same idea to propose? Of course not. Actually, it was fun to experience planning a wedding at the same time in our lives and it was nice to chat about it.

My MOH got engaged 2 months before my wedding and planned hers for 2 months after mine. It didn't cross my mind that I should be upset because there was nothing to get upset about. I was thrilled for her. People get engaged and planning weddings for the times that make sense for them. It's a beautiful thing. Don't make it ugly by being upset that your friend is having a wedding, too. There's no rule that says weddings have to happen in the order that couples got engaged. There's not rule that says couples have to have engagements of a certain length to ensure everyone gets married in order. You and your FS chose a long engagement. There's nothing wrong with that, but just because the two of you wanted a long engagement, doesn't mean other couples have to wait that long, too.

You know, couples choose the same colors for their weddings all the time, and manage to make it look different through their in interpretations and by using accent colors. Theme isn't going to be any different. You and your FS will likely have a different interpretation of a 20s theme than your friend and her FS. Back in the 20s, I'm sure people managed to decorate their homes and parties differently. If you are worried about your friend copying your specific ideas, don't show her or talk to her about what you are specifically choosing.

If you legitimately don't think you'll have time or resources to buy a BM dress for your friend's wedding (that's really all you HAVE to do as a BM), then simply decline the offer to be a BM. It kind of sounds like you are just unreasonably mad they chose what happens to be a popular wedding theme that you also chose and are having a shorter engagement than you, and want to say no out of anger. Take a step back, recognize that you're being unreasonable, and then make a decision about being her BM that isn't out of spite.

To me this would be an awesome opportunity to possibly split the cost on some decorations. Also in a group of friends a lot of time you have the same tastes I would look at it as a compliment give her a high five and say we're awesome.

This is what happens you have a long engagement. I have a long engagement as well and if one of my friends got engaged I wouldn't expect them to wait two years to get married. But since she's having it first you can see what works for her and what totally doesn't, and might work out even better for you!

So what if you'd have the same theme? Look at the positives your friend loves your theme and wishes to do the same. You could borrow some of her decorations share ideas and be involved like friends do with each other's weddings. Her wedding is 4 months before yours if people are nitpicking the theme of your wedding and are able or want to compare the two they have their own issues.

Be happy! Your friend is getting married. Don't make it about you.

If we planned our wedding around every other persons 2+ year engagement we would never get married.

If you're too busy to be in her wedding, just tell her that. No need to stress about all the other stuff you mentioned.

Sad to say, but yes. Sucks that she wants the same theme - but you're not the only person ever to have your theme. And refusing to be a BM based on your similar tastes is actually super shi**y. If you're actually friends you would be more than excited for her. Heck, I'd even be asking if she'll sell you decorations after. Suck it up buttercup, 4 months is quite a long time. Just make sure to have obvious differences.

You should both have the weddings that you want. No one cares if their similar but you. Pettiness over such things in life is seriously a waste of energy and time. Also, please learn to proofread for spelling errors. That was painful to read.

So this "friendship" is contingent upon her only doing what you approve of? Sounds like you are making the right choice and not poisoning her day with your unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Drop this bitch like a hot potato. How dare she have the audacity to get engaged and married in the same century as you!

Everyone will say you are wrong, but you aren't. FH's best friend got engaged 3 weeks after us and got married last weekend, we get married in 4 days. It caused a competition. The guys are in each others weddings. I was invited to the bachelorette and her shower. I ended up going to the bachelorette, but I had a family event on the day if her shower. She was invited to my bachelorette when the location changed, at first we could only have 15 then it went to unlimited as we stayed in my hometown. She didn't come to any of my stuff. However.. I thought both of us would have a rustic theme. Her wedding was way different than what mine will be. She had glitter everywhere. I will have wooden crates everywhere. And since her wedding has been over, she has been so attentive to my wedding. Tables have turned. I got the short end, she is getting ready for mine for 2 weeks since her wedding is over instead of me celebrating her at wedding events prior to her wedding. Today she even texted me happy wedding week. Its hard. No one will care about your wedding as much as you do. She is from the country, the last of her friends to get married so she knew the drill, her friends knew how to support her. I'm from the city, I'm the first of my friends, youngest and first in my family, and have had a lot to figure out on my own. Its super hard, but it will get better.

I understand being upset about the theme, I wouldn't talk to her about wedding plans anymore. But you chose a date pretty far out, so I wouldn't be surprised that she is getting married earlier. The BM thing, it depends how close you really are. I couldn't imagine not being in my friends wedding or not being super excited for her as well! I was just in my 2 bffs weddings this year and it was a blast!

I have a friend who got engaged after me/is getting married a few months before me/is planning a similar theme to mine (which involves quite a bit of DIY) and I'm actually pretty excited about it because when she's done with her decor, I'll get to borrow some of it. So that's one way to look at it! Maybe some people would see that as weird but I see it as practical.

Let her do her thing and you do yours. They won't be exactly the same I'm sure.

@Colleen

That competition sounds 100% in your own head. Seriously, look at what you wrote:

"Today she even texted me happy wedding week. Its hard."

What could possibly be hard about getting a happy wedding week text?

In my opinion... Yes your wrong. You aren't going to have the exact same decoration, dress or bridesmaid dresses. It's a theme. My friend and I are both planning weddings at the same time. Turns out we were both doing the exact same colors unknowingly. Our idea? Sharing some decor etc. Why? We're both saving money. Things are still going to be very different at each wedding and we're both saving money. Not to mention... You've got a ton of "something borrowed"

And that's why you never share anything about your wedding to anyone.