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Abbey
Beginner June 2020

Is my dress "right" for my situation?

Abbey, on January 5, 2020 at 8:14 AM

Posted in Wedding Attire 236

Hello everyone, A little background... I'm 37 years old, mother of two, and this is my second wedding. It's in 5 months and the ceremony will be in a garden outside a banquet hall. I was married too young the first time around and always felt my dress looked too frumpy/cute. This time around, I...

Hello everyone,

A little background... I'm 37 years old, mother of two, and this is my second wedding. It's in 5 months and the ceremony will be in a garden outside a banquet hall. I was married too young the first time around and always felt my dress looked too frumpy/cute. This time around, I feel like a "woman" and I'm less (but not by much) modest nowadays. I am not into fashion and having 15 years between weddings makes me feel out of touch. I'm literally the only female in my family (my fiance, two sons, my brother, his partner, my father, and three male cats), so I don't get girly often.

Dress shopping was emotionally charged as I lost my mother a year and a half ago to cancer. I was really missing her presence and I felt uneasy the whole experience. She was my best friend. She always said I needed A-line in everything (I'm pear shaped with a short torso). (Photos are pre-alteration).


I had two girlfriends with me who are so positive and way more up to date than I am on trends etc. When I put it on, my friends and the store stylist raved about how amazing it was. I felt confident and beautiful. I know my fiance would love the back especially Smiley winking I left feeling like I got a steal. I'm also on a budget. I bought this dress off the rack, and got 60% off. I have a friend that can do alterations affordably.


In true "me" fashion, I'm now second guessing the whole thing. My brain is fretting: Sale is final. It's too revealing. It's not right for my age. It's not what I had originally planned (modest, sleeves, mature). I have no business wearing something sexy. My mother wouldn't have approved. My back is exposed. Will I be able to dance? I've never worn anything form fitting before.... and on and on.


Now, my sons are more excited about the wedding and their roles in it than me sometimes. They have been so happy about me marrying their "bonus dad." Their dad and I had a strange, platonic, marriage and so they don't understand and aren't old enough to get that I want to be attractive for my new husband. I showed my ten year old and he said, "Mumma! Why do you want to be see through!!" and he looked uncomfortable. I asked my cute little jumping bean of a 7 year old, "do you like mommy's dress?" He smiled and said, "Nope!" and ran off to play some more. That's what has me the most worried.


I would love your honest opinions, because I'm clueless. I won't be hurt! But I'm pressed for time and I really need to be at ease. If that means shopping again, I should do it soon, and find a way to resell before it gets altered. Thanks!

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236 Comments

  • Dana
    Savvy October 2020
    Dana ·
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    I totally agree!

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  • Taina
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Taina ·
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    I love the back! The dress is very pretty and you look good in it. No need to second guess anything... Please don't make your decision based on what little boys think lol, I doubt your friends would steer you wrong you bought it now flaunt it lol

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  • Taina
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Taina ·
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    Agreed, it doesn't seem revealing at all to me... still falls under the 'modest' bucket in my eyes

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  • Terri
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Terri ·
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    Its Gorgeous!!! It looks like it was made just for you! You look stunning!

    If you feel perfect its the dress for you! I am getting married for the (shhh) 3rd time in March (but I'm 55) and Ive decided I am wearing a wedding dress. My first wedding was soooo very long ago (in my 20's) and my second one was in jeans in Vegas..this as my forever wedding and I want it to have everything I want to remember and cherish forever.

    Be happy and take all the memories with you on your journey; you don't ever want to regret not having what you want.



    • Reply
  • Rachael
    Savvy April 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Absolutely BEAUTIFUL! ....Though I might be a tad bit bias, as I LOVE everything lace lol. I wouldn't change a thing. You are going to be a stunning bride.
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  • Tamatha
    Dedicated December 2019
    Tamatha ·
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    Don’t you dare return that dress I’m with Kristen I’ll bad talk you lol 36 years old you look fantastic in that dress and if you are uncomfortable try cap sleeves on the dress and a lace panel between the heart shaped neckline. Don’t second guess yourself breath and don’t sweat the small stuff go with your 1st instinct to look good for your hubby to be! God bless !!
    • Reply
  • Erica
    Dedicated November 2021
    Erica ·
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    It's gorgeous and in no way inappropriate for your age or station in life.

    If it comforts you at all, I'm 42 and also wearing a plunging v-neck with a low-back. It's my second marriage, his first, and neither of us have kids.

    I say if you can pull it off, and you certainly can, then you should!

    All the best in your planning!

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  • Anna
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Anna ·
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    You look AMAZING and in no way should be second guessing that dress! First of all, I have two sons too and do not trust their opinion on anything fashion related. Plus, your kiddos are too young to really have an honest opinion of how you look.


    The real question is, how do you feel in the dress? That will tell you what you need to do. Put everything else out of your mind because I promise you that you look gorgeous in it. In no way is it inappropriate!

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  • Patricia
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Patricia ·
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    I love the dress, it looks perfect on you. Wear it with confidence because you look gorgeous and you have the body to wear it. You’re not old, enjoy this moment, you’ll be a beautiful bride.
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  • Emma Cassano
    Savvy February 2025
    Emma Cassano ·
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    I think you look beautiful in it, but if it doesn't give you the vibe most brides go for on the show "Say Yes to the Dress" (the whole trying not to cry happy tears and ruin your make-up because you feel amazing in it and you actually feel like a bride and look absolutely stunning vibe) then I say find one that makes you feel like that. It's your dress for your day. You should get to feel special in your dress. If it doesn't make you feel special it might not be the one.


    Ignore the things you are fretting about, and just focus on what vibes you are getting from being in it. You can rock that dress. But it's how you feel in it, without the thoughts that make you fret, that makes it the one.
    Best of luck in all your planning and may your special day go off without a problem
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  • Ej.delapp
    Just Said Yes February 2020
    Ej.delapp ·
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    First, I have to say that the dress looks stunning. It fits you so well and in the pictures you are so confident. It is sexy, and chic! Second, I get that you care about what your children think, but remember they are 7 and 10. Like you said, they don’t understand the reason behind wanting to be sexy. Perhaps tell them Mumma wants to be a mermaid!


    All in all, I think you did wonderfully finding a dress that fits you. This is your second marriage, and let’s say it’ll be your last. You should wear what you’ve always wanted to wear, this is your day! Don’t change things around to try to please anyone other than yourself. Honestly, I think your mum would have loved it. She loved you, and if she saw how beautiful you looked, how much you glow in that dress, she would be proud.
    Don’t doubt your first instinct!
    You’re beautiful and that dress accentuates that! Revel in it! Your fiancée will love it, but not as much as they love you!
    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Christina ·
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    Hi Abbey,
    When I was reading your post I thought, omg are you me? I'm very bad with decision making, always second guessing, and I'm also pear shaped and have NEVER heard anyone else besides me say they have a short torso!! I was only considering A-line because that has always been best with my shape, top one size smaller than the bottom. Nothing else would look flattering....
    Then as I scrolled down I started to tear up when I saw the photos you posted. I hope I have the luck you did with this gown. Not only is it a great deal but it doesn't look like you choose it because of the price. It is absolutely your dress. PLEASE take it from another indecisive pear bride.Also, don't take fashion advice from your little boys. Kids say mean things they will feel guilty about as adults. I once told an aunt she had a mustache. You have inspired me to try on dresses I wouldn't have considered before. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I wish you all the best ❤️
    • Reply
  • Nas
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Nas ·
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    Its AMAZING! Your husband is gonna faint when he sees you! Wearing that dress, just know you gettin some by the end of the night.
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  • Sydney
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Sydney ·
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    You look stunning in this dress!! Definitely buy!
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  • Abigail
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Abigail ·
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    Trust your first instinct, the dress is gorgeous and you look amazing! It’s all about how you feel not about how you think other people want you to look.
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  • Sarah
    Savvy August 2020
    Sarah ·
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    I love it! And I never comment on these lol. I’m 36 and can relate to you a lot! But you look great!
    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Leslie ·
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    Keep this dress!! It shows your curves without being too tight. It is not too revealing and the back is beautiful! You look amazing in this dress!
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated May 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Looks amazing!! The dress was made for you!
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    Dress is beautiful and it looks great on you. It doesn't show too much at all.
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  • Aleah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Aleah ·
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    I am an overly modest person myself and I was worried about my dress at first, no ones ever seen my back or upper arms or my chest that much, I grew up with all brothers and was never girly infact I was a total tomboy. I was always wearing my brothers clothes and I still wear my dads T-shirts all the time, I even wear my husbands socks etc,. And I’m very picky about skin and all that, but I’d say your dress is not too revealing, I think it’s perfect and it looks great on you. If anyone sees that as revealing they’re looking at something specific and being a little creepy lol I think you look gorgeous in it.
    • Reply

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