If you want to have a cash bar..

Emily, I love you. You always break things down beautifully.

Mrs. Carter, please don't allow Jessica to align herself with you. You are having a dry wedding. That is perfectly acceptable, and your reasons for hosting a dry wedding are personal. If your guests don't like it, they'll leave early. However, from what you've said, I doubt that will be an issue for you. Whatever your reasoning is, you are willing to say that there is no alcohol at your wedding -- and I have a suspicion that it has little or nothing to do with money.

Jessica is attempting to attach herself to your personal beliefs, and the fact that she is hosting a cash bar exposes her as something quite different than you. She wants the cash bar in sight of her guests. Guess why? She knows that a majority of her guests will tap out after dinner unless there is alcohol being served. She wants the party element -- the longer reception -- the "my wedding was fabulous" pictures, BUT,,,she and her FH aren't willing to pay for it. That's what makes the cash bar idea so gross.

I have the utmost of respect for you, Mrs. Carter. Whatever happens at your wedding, you are a woman of personal principle. Jessica? Well, she's just another bride who pretends to care about alcoholics, but who will still, at a huge party, put their poison in their sight -- for a price.

We are doing a consumption bar (our venue doesn't offer "open bar" packages) but we are capping the price of each cocktail at $14 to limit people from ordering some crazy expensive liquor.

Mrscarter , I am in no way attaching myself to your personal beliefs. I just applaud you for doing it. Secondly, I already explained myself above as to why I'm having a cash bar. It's not a needed component at my wedding. My fiancé and I have very large families and cannot cut the guest list down any further. So yes the cost would be high for us. Even if I wanted an open bar my fiance is very against the idea as its his family with the alcohol problems. We understand that people could buy their own but it won't be on our conscious if they do get sloppy. And I will have them removed if that happens also.

To those comparing prices: I am paying $30/pp for beer & wine ONLY.

Jessica, you ARE providing wine at each table. I still don't think a cash bar is appropriate, but you are providing for your guests. You don't need to provide a photo booth or favors - those are things you WANT to do.

You are also missing the point of receptions. Your ceremony is to celebrate you and your new husband. The reception is to thank your guests for attending.

You may not "require" a gift, but you know darn well that 99% of wedding guests will gift you something and you are counting on that. If not, you wouldn't have a registry, & I will bet my next paycheck that you have at least one.

As for cash bars preventing alcoholics from getting drunk. I submit exhibit A, a patient in the hospital who drank hand sanitizer to get some alcohol. Your cash bar will prevent nothing except you saving money.

eta: fixed multiple typos

Here's the second spelling correction of the night, Jessica (right after, "rediculous"). The word is "conscience", not "conscious".

As usual, the truth reveals itself. It's really not about alcoholics; it's about the fact that "my fiance and I have very large families and cannot cut the guest list down any further." Oh, sure...we "couldn't". It is not illegal to have a small wedding, is it? Be honest...the right word isn't "couldn't", but "wouldn't".

Those poor alcoholics...if only they knew how often they were used as excuses for poor hosting, lol.

Fine, have your cash bar wedding, but leave Mrs. Carter out of it. Accept gifts from guests who were shocked by hearing, "Um...excuse me...that'll be $9.95" as they walk away from the bar.

Jessica, you seem pretty convinced that what you are doing is right in spite of the opinions here. So if you think no one here has a valid enough point to change your mind, why did you barge into this post trying to change everyone else's mind? If you're going to do your cash bar just do it. Stop trying to convince everyone that it's okay lol

I'm starting a new trend. If I show up to the wedding and I have to pay for my drink, I'm taking my gift Home.

I'm taking cash as my next wedding gift. If I pay for drinks, it comes right out of the gift amount.

I'm flabbergasted by some of the senseless shaming that's occurring on this thread. While some people are airing their disagreements respectfully, others are demonstrating deplorable etiquette and pretending to hold the moral high-ground while doing it.

People who feel the need to attack misspellings just demonstrate their inability to argue on an intelligent level.

I had a cash bar at my wedding. I don't regret it. I did it for two reasons:

1. I didn't have the money for one. I cut every expense I could to do a wedding that my DH and I would enjoy but also that my guests would too. I didn't have flowers or favors. I did get a photobooth, which despite the naysayers on this post, was a HUGE HIT. I also provided table wine.

2. My aunt, a bartender, told me not to have an open bar. She has worked many weddings and told me that people at open bar weddings tend to waste their drinks because they aren't paying for them. I know not all people do that at open bars, but it frequently happens.

You can look down your noses at me and call me cheap...but the fact of the matter is that I COULD NOT AFFORD IT. I saved as much money as I could for my wedding. I planned fun little games guests could enjoy and made sure to have great entertainment and food. But drinks were where I drew the line. I would hope that guests would come to the wedding to celebrate with us, and not for free food and drink as some of you are asserting. I guess I'm just not financially well-endowed as some of you.

Now for the registry comments. I did in fact register. I had two registries. Why? Not for the reason some of you have put forth, but because I knew people would want to buy us gifts and would expect direction in it. DH and I had no expectation of gifts. People could have gotten us nothing if they wanted to. We already had a house and everything inside of it. We had our honeymoon paid for. There was nothing that we NEEDED or even really WANTED.

If having a cash bar makes me cheap in your eyes, so be it. Luckily, I've already learned that before someone else's opinion should matter to you, you need to consider the source...

Damn, Jessica. You can't cut that guest list because of large families? DF has a huge family, 8 siblings alone! Guess what? We're having no more than 20 guests.

You CAN cut the guest list, you just don't want to. You said yourself the wedding, to you, is all about the bride and groom. It's bridezillas who think that way that end up screaming at their bridal party, throw fits when their bridesmaids won't all wear the exact makeup and hair, kick out pregnant bridesmaids, etc. The reception, in reality, is about the guests, and hosting them PROPERLY. That includes ensuring them to not have to pay for ANYTHING while they're in your care. What you're doing is equal to having them pay for their own dinner, and it's a shitty thing to do, and makes you and your FH look really, really bad.

Laura: You're awfully defensive about your poor choice. You had options, just like everyone here: have the wedding and say to hell with your guests (your choice), wait and save to have the wedding you want, PROPERLY hosted, or cut the guest list and PROPERLY host your guests.

You are absolutely right about consider the source when choosing to care about what someone says. I know I certainly won't take the "assurance" of someone who didn't have the sense to do what was necessary to properly host her guests.

ETA: As for "shaming," you SHOULD be ashamed for mistreating/poorly hosting your guests.

I would rather not pay for my drinks than have photobooths pictures. As the OP stated, laura, your friends and family aren't going to make you feel bad but yes, they were not happy about paying for their drinks.

If you're okay with not properly hosting, then so be it. I don't care if my guests wasted their drinks at my open bar. I'm not the alcohol police. "You there! You didn't finish your gin and tonic, go back there and drink every drop before switching to beer!"

Wow, newbie Laura has come here "flabbergasted" to lecture all of us on our "deplorable etiquette" when she had a cash bar. Oh the hypocrisy!

Mna:

1. Take a look at the heckling and childish behavior of you and some of the other posters on here and then reread my comment. You are like middle school children trying to bully others into doing what you want them to.

2. I find it particularly interesting how you seem to think there is an objectively correct way to host guests. It's, in fact, a subjective opinion. Your way to host and mine are different. There are people on both sides of this issue.

The bottom line here is I don't care if you have a cash or open bar. To each their own. But when people get on their high horse and are verbally abusive to others because they have different opinions, that's a bit much for me.

Explain to me what, specifically, was verbally abusive here please.

Again, loving my Kermit meme cache.

I agree with the birthday party similarity.

With this whole to celebrate the bride and groom thing. Do you go to a birthday party to celebrate the birthday person? Yes and you bring gifts. And you don't pay for a piece of cake! Or punch, do you? Same damn thing. The birthday boy/girl provides the food/drinks same as a bride and groom would.

Simple as that.

These cash bar discussions are like a bad car wreck that I can't help but look at.

I am confused as to how people here are acting like children...you just don't agree with 99% of the posters here, but that doesn't mean we have been verbally abusive? That's aggressive.

I can't even.