If you want to have a cash bar..

And I was raised differently. I was raised to know that proper hosting means you accommodate all guests. Not your preference. Not the majority. All of them. My best friend drinks red wine. I can't stand it and no one else who comes over ever has a sip. But if she's on her way to my house, you better believe I'll have a bottle of red waiting for her. Because that's what being a good host is all about.

The big deal is your guests shouldn't have to pull out their wallets at your wedding. Expect more and better Jessie.

Griffyn - I'm loving your kermits lol

I think certain people are missing the point. CASH BARS ARE RUDE. PERIOD. Just rude. Don't do it.

No Lauren P. You don't need to do a traditional wedding in order to get married. Pay attention. Don't throw the type of wedding where you can't afford to host your guests properly. THAT'S what we're saying. Get it now?

I love how I was requested to provide examples of the class-less behavior towards those that think cash bars are rude...and then a continuous slew of them came out of many of you. And of course, people put words in my mouth saying that I was saying "everyone" on here was being childish while I mentioned that SOME people on here were doing it. Some of you that have disagreed with me have been perfectly polite and respectful. I have no issue with those individuals. It's those of you that bring up "how much you wanna bet Lauren and Jessica are voting for Trump" and these sorts of things that show me your inability to argue your point without becoming hostile.

I have not come on here trying to convince anyone not to do an open bar. I have provided another way to look at cash bars...a way that can be seen as something OTHER than deplorable. That's not me trying to change your minds. But I can only lead the horse to water. Your continued backlash and childish statements (again, that SOME of you make) just show me that the maturity level on this forum is lacking.

A photobooth is tacky? Ok...that's YOUR opinion. You don't want a photobooth at your wedding, fine. I wouldn't come on here and attack you about it. I wouldn't say "oh my gosh, you're so cheap! Why wouldn't you get one?" I actually understand that people can have different opinions and different ways they want to do their wedding. I'm just surprised more of you can't see that. There's a HUGE difference between expressing your opinion and being rude.

And mna, as far as me regretting my choices...I don't. I'm glad I did my wedding the way DH and I wanted. The problem I have is when people like SOME (I will keep highlighting the word in an attempt for my words to not be mistaken YET AGAIN) of you tear others down. You could just state your opinion and agree to disagree like others on here did...but no. You have to harass people and attack them using middle-school dialogue. I don't know about you, but calling people tacky, cheap, rude, etc. isn't how adults conduct a respectful discourse. Need another example of the ludicrous behavior on here? Attacking misspellings of words people use....who cares? Some people misspell words. Attacking them for it doesn't support your argument.

In closing, I'm sure after I leave this post SOME of you will continue the attack on our choices, calling us rude, posting absurd kermit the frog memes and bringing up Trump (REALLY... Drumpf?). Go right ahead. I have been bullied and attacked throughout my life. It takes a lot more than the ridiculous (notice my spelling for those of you that care) and absurd cash bar bashing that I have received on here to shake me up. But go right ahead...

Consider the source, indeed. Is it any mystery as to what a cash bar bride will suggest to other brides? Nope.

0h, hey, Laura...welcome to your side of the debate.

You are flabbergasted? Wow, so we'll take you as you are -- overcome with surprise, perplexed, confused, astounded, and mystified. One would think you just read a post authored by an alien in which you were told, for the very first time, that wedding cash bars are rude and unwelcome.

Moving on from your psychic assault...do you really believe it is an "attack" to point out misspellings of vanguard posters (and, btw, it's classless, not class-less)? Shouldn't they, of all the troops, get the words right? If you truly believe that pointing out spelling errors makes someone a villain, you may have to apologize to many elementary school teachers. To them, it's part of the job. But let's move on to adulthood -- if someone posts on this forum and incorporates words that are intended to pack the biggest punch, why should readers be shamed because they expect those words to be spelled correctly? Never mind.

The "for shame" spelling reaction is meant to circumvent the meat of an opposing position. For those of us on the "properly host your guests" side of the debate, well, we'd like to believe we've done a service to others.

Of course you had a cash bar wedding. That was obvious when you decided to begin your post with your "flabbergasted" stance. Senseless shaming (I have no doubt that's what you'd call your guests' repulsion at your cash bar wedding -- if you knew about -- which you don't) is something that people who know they should have acted appropriately, but didn't, like to say.

So, you had no flowers or favors at your wedding, but you found money for the photobooth -- a huge hit? Yes, I suppose it was, but I'm guessing those who had the most fun with that eighth grade mall feature were the guests who dropped $20 PP on the bar (here come the alcoholic onslaughts). Do you have an idea what those guests would have preferred? They would have preferred hosted cocktails. Was that an option? No. So they all went over to your photobooth and absorbed 10 minutes there.

Although I'm a florist, I'll be the first person to say, skip the flowers and host your party with alcohol. You hosted table wine -- how much, I don't know. I don't care. The message that the majority of us are trying to get across is that you invite the amount of guests you can properly host. If you go the cash bar route, you know what you should do, but you won't. Instead, you'll allow your guests to pay for a wedding element you want included (because of the benefits it brings to your wedding), but are unwilling or unable to pay for.

So, as the plot thickens, we learn that your aunt, the bartender, told you that open bar weddings are wasteful because people leave their drinks behind and order new drinks. So what? That's what happens at parties, and that's why you either budget for alcohol or scale back your guest list so that nobody is chastised or side-eyed for acting like an adult...at a party. Nobody at your wedding should be walking around with their one red, plastic cup. Sometimes, adults put a drink down on a table and run off to the fabulously fun photobooth (or the bathroom). Who cares? They should be given free access to the bar without an interrogation of where they left their cups before they went...wherever.

Bottom line...you admitted, thankfully and finally, that you just couldn't afford it. That's fine. However, if that's the case, don't begin discussing a topic -- one you should have merely weighed in on and said, "I couldn't afford it" -- with accusations about "deplorable etiquette". Brides who expect their guests to pay for presented refreshments at their weddings are the ones who have indulged in deplorable etiquette, The fact the other brides -- those ladies who scaled back their guest lists without crying, "it's just impossible to cut our guest list because everyone MUST be there-- are the ladies worth listening to. Yes, cash bars may be tolerated, but they will never (by any wedding etiquette expert) be considered polite.

Listen, if the cash bar brides are willing to accept the concept of guests paying for their drinks from their gift envelopes, then we've finally found common ground. Until then, it's all about money, isn't it?

As always, Centerpiece FTW!

I have some advice for Laura, and Jessica. Cash bars are extraordinarily common in Alberta because the cost of alcohol is the highest in the country and even higher than in the States. If you're having a cash bar anywhere other than Alberta, then it's likely you WILL have some guests that will feel a varying degree of annoyance. They will not express how they felt you were rude, but they will feel it. So I suggest that if you're anywhere that has even heard of an open bar before, that you at least consider having a limited open bar with just a couple selections in order to make it affordable for you. If it's your religion not to drink and a vast majority of guests in attendance also share this belief: then have a dry wedding.

So whatever you do - you do you, but know it's possible people will be offended and talk behind your back.

I spent my weekend in cape may. I would be pissed if I drove the 3 hours to get there and the over 5 hours it took me to get home today, plus the hundreds in hotel fees for the weekend. I would be very annoyed with the situation. Since I only give cash for a wedding gift, I would totally take money out of my card to pay for mine and FH drinks.

How do we always get from a matter of debate to the person in the minority pulling out the "I've always been abused, etc." card? What in the world does that have to do with cash bars?

And for the record, vote for who you want to vote for. It's a privilege, one secured with blood, and it's not one you have to explain to anyone. Just make sure you vote. That's far more important than cash or open bars.

Ugh so awful!

Out of curiosity, how much is a photo booth nowadays?

The thought of inviting all my friends and family to our destination wedding in the outer banks, having them take off work, drive and fly anywhere from 12 to 2 hours to the little strip of sand that is corolla, spend upwards of $200 a night on hotel once taxes and such are included..and then not even buy them some drinks? Makes me want to vomit.

Cash bars and dry weddings are tacky as hell, but a cash bar DESTINATION wedding? HELL NO.

This John guy is bringing back all these dead threads lol.

This thread was so entertaining I am probably late to the party. I can EASILY afford open bar but my venue doesn't do that, only consumption. However, I don't want to spend like $20k on alcohol because it's so damn expensive in Toronto Canada. I am only offering beer and wine and all non-alcoholic drinks and I am paying the tab. I refuse to have my guests open their wallets on the wedding day.

99% of the guests are 45min or less away and the 1% are out of owners who are flying in.

For those who cannot afford it, they can, they just want more people and prioritize other things instead. Can't afford the wedding but have a house and a honeymoon paid for? Yeah ok.

Ugh the good ol debate over cash bar.

I read all of the posts saying cash bars are tacky, and yet I am unmoved. The bulk of my guest list is family, I have around 70 people, just counting aunts, uncles, and first cousins, I straight up asked my family if they would rather I have a cash bar and be able to invite everyone or an open bar and only invite aunts and uncles. Every single person said they are 100% fine with a cash bar and see no issue. So I am breaking this forums cardinal rule and having a cash bar and my family.

I think a cash bar is just fine... My FH and I are providing 3 bottles of wine per table.