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Deborah
Dedicated September 2017

Groom's Family Hates Me

Deborah, on June 9, 2015 at 9:06 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 272

So my FH's family hates me. They refuse to be in the same room with me and he's not allowed to even talk about me. Why? Because we dated six years ago and I was very sick and couldn't work which made my FH stressed and we broke up then. We got back together three years later under the condition that...

So my FH's family hates me. They refuse to be in the same room with me and he's not allowed to even talk about me. Why? Because we dated six years ago and I was very sick and couldn't work which made my FH stressed and we broke up then. We got back together three years later under the condition that even if I'm sick I need to work somehow. I have fibromyalgia, chronic migraines and back problems. I work online now and work part-time. This isn't good enough for them and about nine months ago sent me letters telling me to break up with my FH because they don't think I love him. He is very soft spoken but did take a stand for me on that issue.

Well, he wants his family at the wedding - can't blame him. I am worried that they won't show and how that might feel for him. If they do come, he wants his sister, brother-in-law (who sent the letter) and brother to be his groomsmen. I would prefer they aren't but he has a right to have them.

What can I do to make this easier?

272 Comments

  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    @Promike, THANKS! lol Here's a giant cat, for no reason at all.


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  • OG Mrs.K (2.0)
    Master September 2014
    OG Mrs.K (2.0) ·
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    Don't make me whip out shoe peen FFS!

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  • FMM
    Master January 2016
    FMM ·
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    I'm concerned that you and FH both don't have an equal "strong connection loving and protective nature" with your kids.

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  • A
    Dedicated June 2016
    Amazing ·
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    This is coming from an outside perspective and you in no way have to do this but I would tell him how you feel that a wedding party , especially at a ceremony is supposed to be sorounded by those who wish good luck to the couple not go to disrespectful tactics to wish ill fortune on newlyweds. Maybe not in those words. Ask him to have them in the crowd and look for those who will build him up instead of tear down. I wouldn't say anything about whether you believe that his family will show or not but be a shoulder or ear for if it does go that way. The important thing to have opened communication and respected opinions going into and though out a marriage. If he still deciding to go to his family for groomsmen then that is ok because you have said your peace and you have to be ok with that since you aren't marrying a robot. But at the end of the day he has his opinion and you have a line of communication.

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  • OG Mrs.K (2.0)
    Master September 2014
    OG Mrs.K (2.0) ·
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    Yes...I also have the creeps.

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  • FMM
    Master January 2016
    FMM ·
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    Let me also throw in there-- who says no one is raising the kids if both parents work? After a certain age kids spend their days in school.. And not every couple works similar hours. My dad worked nights and my mom days for the first 5 years of my life.

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  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    @MNM/NH, have you ever seen the shoe peen?

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  • Lucy
    Master April 2015
    Lucy ·
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    I'm creeped too!

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  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    Has anyone else noticed that OP has gone AWOL?

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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    Why would you ever expect us to take your beliefs and opinions seriously when you've basically drawn us a very detailed picture of how fucked up you are?

    ETA: I say this because I hope it will help you realize that just maybe your thinking is skewed

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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    Can we just shut down this post now?

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  • Lucy
    Master April 2015
    Lucy ·
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    Probably because you let you FH and FMIL control you. You should do something about that. But we already know you won't.

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  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    OMG, NH, for real, please accept my apologies if I've offended you. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't ever want to be mean spirited. I get silly but it's not ever meant to be mean.

    Don't leave.

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  • Lauren B.
    Master October 2015
    Lauren B. ·
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    Not shoe peen...please...

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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    You weren't mean LB, she's just trying to guilt trip. She said some ridiculous stuff and now can't take responsibility for it.

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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    DO THE SHOE PEEN

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  • OG Mrs.K (2.0)
    Master September 2014
    OG Mrs.K (2.0) ·
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    Puweeeeese don't leave...we haven't even brought shoe peen to the party yet...lol


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  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    Unedited so WWKatie has a heart attack!!

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  • Lauren B.
    Master October 2015
    Lauren B. ·
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    I can't even look at shoes the same..

    • Reply
  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    Thanks, @Snarky.

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