Empty wedding fund woes

It's not a Midwest thing. I am from nebraska, attended many weddings and yet to stumble upon a cash bar. I think it's a "social circle" thing.

@EW-do you understand that all of that could all change? Also, you are about to become a stepmom, yes, you are going to have responsibility. Also, if I remember correctly, for some reason, you want a child of your own, that requires considerable responsibility. If I remember correctly, you don't get paid maternity leave in the States. So you are going to have to take some time off after the baby is born, find and pay for day care. As well, babies are expensive as fuck!

@LaRue- I am just waiting until we are married. Yes he's my FH but that doesn't mean much legally. FH tried to add me to his and I said no. His kids should get that money. Not me. I'm not his wife. He's not my husband. Once we are officially married we'll combine all that. I just don't feel comfortable being on his or him being on mine until it's official.

@Emily- when my step Dad was diagnosed with cancer I worked remotely for weeks. I'm lucky that I can do that.

@EW: One day, it WON'T all be okay though, and you'll be scrambling trying to figure out a place to live, where your next meal will come from, etc. The fact that you have absolutely ZERO protection against that, and continue living, oblivious to the fact that your world could fall out from under you at any moment, is proof that you are CHOOSING to live like an ostrich with its head in the sand, rather than growing up and realizing that shit, with becoming adult comes a little thing called responsibility, and that means looking to the future.

Apparently someone never hit that last spurt of development from 18-25 that allows them to think more than three minutes into the future...

@Leah: In this case, the ignorance is willful, and will someday bite in the ass.

EW, your attitude is mercenary and mingey (that means cheap). You don't want him to benefit in a tragic situation, you don't want to take financial responsibility for the kids...it's all tit for tat, keeping score.

Good luck with that attitude.

I'm right with Jo on money. Living below your means is a very gratifying thing and once you realize how little you REALLY need, you realize that not spending more than you need to is really the ticket to freedom. If you want to start a business, freelance, go back to school, travel the world; your every day frugality is key.

Read "Nickled and Dimed". Soon.

@Nikki- I disagree. I've been through tragedy and it takes time but eventually it's okay. You heal. You grieve. Whatever it is. Everything is eventually okay again.

@EW you do realize that the older the child gets the more costly their needs become. I am a step parent and soon to be a grandmother. With my step daughter moving in with us while pregnant taking her cool places and loving her isn't enough. However, you live in a perfect world.

@Jay- My grandmother lived through the Great Depression. Guess what. She was fine. Very hungry at times and poor but she lived and moved on.

@Jessie- As I said I already provide love, food and shelter for FH kids when we have them which is just on weekends. Things like braces and such should not be solely my responsibility. FH and their Moms will have a hand in that. I do want children of my own. My family cannot wait to watch them and I can work from home until it's time to go back to work.

I miss the money threads; wasn't that frugalgator?

Is anyone else wondering if @EW's FH knows just how financially irresponsible she behaves, since she's been very adamant that they not combine these things until they're married? I just can't fathom a grown man and father of two willing to be as irresponsible as well.

I'm betting he thinks he can change her, or "help" her become more responsible.

I agree with Nikki, there are is some tragedies and pain people don't recover from.

Bawahahaha, work from home with a baby! Bawahahaha!!!! Okay. Yep, that's good. You'll get a full 40 hour week in. You really live in some kind of bubble. I was off on mat leave fir 7 months and I cannot imagine if I had to have worked while taking care of a baby. Yep, good luck. I was an older mom too.

I guess it depends on the person. I've been through hell and back and I choose to have a positive outlook on life no matter what.

@MNA- LOL!! FH is the WORST! I had to urge him to set up a payment plan to pay off back taxes and he still owes money on the bankruptcy with his ex wife from 13 years ago. Believe it or not I'm the responsible one. I don't have savings but I do pay our bills on time and keep us budgeting. As I said we already combined our bank account years ago. The only thing not combined is life insurance and health insurance (I can't add him onto health until we are married. It's my companies policy).

Fun fact. FH and I live off about a third of our yearly income. The rest goes into savings. Why? I work part-time. He is retired, disabled military. He got hit by an ied. We're well taken care of because of his sacrifice but we essentially depend on the government for our livelihood. If anything happens to his retirement, disability, or social security we'll be ok for several years with no income but then we'd be sh*t out of luck. He cannot work. And even if I went back to full-time it wouldn't be enough if we lived extravagantly. Sure we travel, shop, and splurge but we also make sure to save, save, and save some more. FH wants a sleep number bed. We aren't getting it until after the wedding is completely paid before because we want to replenish that money in our savings. It is all about balance. And trust me. I've been down and out before. Worrying about money is the worst.

@TreeShade - yes I know they will get more expensive. There are 4 people in the equation to help support those kids. It's not just me. And you are very nice to take on your pregnant step daughter. I might help for a bit but if she's old enough to get pregnant she's old enough to take care of herself. That goes for my own daughter as well. That just would fly.

I'm sorry you combined accounts with someone who owes money to the government. I work at a bank. I see accounts get frozen ALL the time from this stuff. And usually the joints think the stuff was getting taken care of. But it's all your money so it's totally fine.

I think, based on what I've read, that @EW is living in a fantasy land. Why wouldn't you want your husband to benefit should you die? You think funerals are cheap? They aren't. My Dad & uncle were stuck paying for my grandfathers funeral when his new wife, who inherited all of his money, refused to pay for it. It was really expensive. It took a large chunk of my parents savings. Not to say they weren't totally willing to pay for it but, it was just a huge expense. Also, there are things that happen that people don't just jump back from. I wish that I had prepared myself for finding out my ex husband was a cheater & discovering that he'd cleaned out our bank accounts, leaving me trying to pay a mortgage, car loan, & all our other bills on one income. I lost everything & ended up homeless. Do you think that was an easy thing to bounce back from? It wasn't & I'm still paying bills from it to this day, almost 13 years later. Life is full of unexpected events. Prepare for them while you can. You may be able to go on how ever many vacations but you'll be wishing you had saved that money when you have a serious medical problem, etc.. Don't ever be too sure of your financial standing.

@Melissa- he actually just finished paying it off. Whew! It was fine once he set up a payment plan. They just took it out of his paychecks.

My eyeballs just fell out of my head.

I cannot believe you just said that.

You do realize that the Great Depression wasn't about just going hungry a few times a week.

People were beaten. People died from hunger.

"The harsh reality of life during the Great Depression is vividly recalled by Travis (12 yrs) who found his father behind their Massachusetts house, crying and heartbroken. “My dad was the strongest man I knew, but the Depression brought him to his knees.” While starving children in the Appalachians chewed on their hands, nearly drawing blood, nursery school children in Philadelphia played an “eviction game.” Toy furniture would be piled up in one corner of the room, then picked up and moved to another corner. “We ain’t got no money for rent, so we move. Then we get the sheriff on us, so we move again.”

Some middle-class families managed to hold onto their homes by taking in boarders, bartering, and stretching every available dollar. Robert recalls their Illinois home without ice (for ice boxes) or milk delivery, discontinued city water (only well water), and a disconnected gas range. Shacks and shanties, Hoovervilles, provided shelter for destitute families. Alice (10 yrs) lived far from the tarpaper huts. “Grandma and Grandpa would squeeze all of us kids in a car and drive us down to a Hooverville by the river. It made our hearts ache to see how bad off other kids were. Even if we only got sweets or fruit once a month, it made us think how lucky we were.”

Life during the Great Depression – Lessons Learned

First-hand recollections of life during the Great Depression must not be disregarded. Those “children’s” voices now plead with us to recognize the symptoms of an economic CRASH and to react in time."

Please read more here since you actually don't pay attention to your grandmother.

http://www.allabouthistory.org/life-during-the-great-depression.htm

You're grandmother would literally turn in her grave- and or smack you upside your entitled head if she heard you trivialize her experiences.