Empty wedding fund woes

@EW: Good fucking God. You're marrying someone and don't even know each others financial situation?! You do realize that if he has defaulted on the Bankruptcy at any point, they can take the full contents of any bank account with his name on it? Also, you can't even file for bankruptcy with only $5000 in debt. You have to be to the point where you cannot reasonably dig yourself out of debt without putting yourself in even further financial distress.

I had to take bankruptcy because of what XH did to the credit card I had in my name that he was a user on when we separated, and the cards he took out in my name, plus the house he allowed to go into default and didn't bother to take my name off the note, even though there was a court order to. There was over $75,000 in debt he left me with, that I hadn't spent a cent of/shouldn't have been responsible for, that I got stuck with, while I was dealing with a micropreemie, had no job because XH didn't "allow" me to work and I had trouble finding a job, and I was absolutely destitute. It was genuinely my only option. My parents had dug them into over $180,000 in debt and made too much to take a chapter 7 bankruptcy, and had to do a chapter 13: where they had to make monthly payments to the court. It is absolutely enforceable via prison time. If he didn't get sent, he was lucky, but that just means your financial situation is even more precarious than you think.

ETA: I just did a bit of research, and it seems my state is one of a few that will do prison time for bankruptcy default. Others just freeze accounts and garnish accounts.

You can do 41 people on $3000... my sister did it. We went to a nice church and then went to a really nice restaurant where we had a large private room which was beautiful and she Sat by this gorgeous working fireplace! Anyway.. they had an amazing menu (better then any wedding I've been to) the food was amazing! And we had drinks. Because it was maybe around 2 hours or less the cost of alcohol wasn't a lot because most people only had time for a couple each. It's doable but you may have to change your vision. My sister hates parties, hates being center of attention, hates everything people related so for her it was perfect and honestly it was one of the nicest weddings I've been to and I'm not just saying so because she's my sister.

Also I didn't read all the other comments so hopefully I'm not too far off subject at this point

Thank you ladies for the information on bankruptcy. FH just got home and I told him he needs to call ex and find out if she's getting bills as well. FH doesn't even have paperwork or anything anymore so not even sure who he would contact to find out what debt is still outstanding. I know they repossessed a truck. They never bought a house or anything. It was just credit card debt. I'll have him get it figured out. He may as well use the money they were taking to pay off the IRS debt to pay off the bankruptcy.

It's a new year and we do have a savings plan in place. It's technically for the wedding but hopefully we can apply some to our fall back fund.

Sooooo....I wanted to plan a wedding with a budget of $5k....yeah, not happening, just the estimate on WW budget tool is $13k with 3500 for just food, 1k for open full bar and ours is just for our immediate family and 2 of my friends. Good luck with a $3k budget hun, I hope everything works out.

Wait wait wait. Owing sears 5k and bankruptcy are two VERY different things. That sounds like a collections case. Bankruptcy is basically saying you can't handle your debt and starting all over. They freeze your bank accounts. You literally can not do ANY transactions (again I work at a bank) if you get direct deposit, it gets taken. Getting a sears bill is definitely NOT bankruptcy... omg. I can't.

I hope I can live in EW's world some day. It'd be nice to not have a care in the world.

Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Hope she never has to experience the threat of homelessness.

EW Creditkarma.com is a great free tool, maybe you guys can find the information you need there. Is he not getting wages garnished? County clerk office would be another place to look. Seems like maybe we are getting through to you. I am about 5 years older than you and honestly astounded and scared shitless for you by the fact you are that aloof and clueless to finances. I am a firm believer that basic money management should be taught in highschool as a mandatory class. I paid off my first home in 12 years, but you have to have reserves for rainy days. Believe me they happen.

You have time and you can do it. No need to cut down on your guess list cause you don't have that many ppl. Just keep it simple and cash bar is fine. You are feeding them the least they can is buy their drinks. Nothing wrong with that. Good luck.

Lol maritza

So wait, EW, you're saying the kid's parents are irresponsible, dealing with some pretty insane debt, and yet you want to take no responsibility for their wellbeing? I'm sorry, you just have no interest in their "braces and stuff"

I'm fucking floored. I am seriously floored.

I also hope you never have to deal with a pregnant, 14 year old daughter. "If she's old enough to get pregnant, she's old enough to take care of herself." I'm seriously praying you continue to live in the fantasyland you're living in.

Backing way the hell up...I feel for you OP...my emergency fund was also recently wiped out...my dog got sick and needed multiple trips to a specialist, then I got sick, then I wrecked my car...then I got attacked by a cat at work and missed MORE time thanks to injury. All in the space of about a month. I lucked out and was able to pay for almost everything cash and get a very nice APR for the financing on my replacement car...but it's scary seeing my emergency fund empty. We have pushed back our wedding twice, partially because we needed extra time to increase our budget so we can afford the wedding we envision.

Breathe, push the wedding back a few months, budget carefully, and scale back where you can. I know you have reasons for wanting to have the wedding this summer, but it sounds like one of two things is going to have to bend...either scale back significantly (cut the guest list in half? Cake and punch reception?) or push it back far enough to build up the savings you need.

@Rachel- that was never a question! I would never marry anyone without a prenup.

@Leah- when did I say I don't want to take any responsibility for his children?? I already take full responsibility for them. I just said that it is not all on me. They have mothers and fathers and step parents. I shouldn't be taking on more than their actual parents. I didn't say I don't have interest in their braces. Obviously we will all have to sit down and figure it out together. Not just me.

You all need to reread what I said about the kids. I already provide love, food on the table and a roof over their head. I even offered to pay to send them to private school. I do love them like they are my own. Either you are reading it wrong or I made a typo.

FH is horrible at remembering details about anything and everything. I completely trust that he doesn't know status of his bankruptcy. They set up a payment plan and paid for s while and then split up and stopped paying. He's not sure how much was left but it wasn't a huge debt to begin with.

This is what i said "They are not my financial responsibility beyond buying them food, clothes and making sure they have a roof over their heads." I was referring to having savings just for them. Why is that solely my responsibility. Shouldn't their Dad and Mom have some of that on their shoulders?? Jeeze! You took that and all of a sudden I don't love the kids.

And I don't even know what to say about a 14 year old having a baby. I would have been sent away to live in a convent or something. You are a saint for taking that on.

I said braces are not SOLELY my responsibility. Why should they be? We are all responsible for them.

"As I said I already provide love, food and shelter for FH kids when we have them which is just on weekends. Things like braces and such should not be solely my responsibility. FH and their Moms will have a hand in that."

The prenup is to protect my assets. I will be inheriting a few estates and want that to be protected should we divorce. I also don't want to have anything to do with whatever he acquires in the future.

Unrelated to ew discussion but it is possible to do a wedding for cheap, it just depends on where you live and what you want.

I imagine that in a big city, even immediate family only would be $10k or more. All the costs just add up fast.

But I'm from a small town, where we know a ton of people that are all willing to help out. We get venue free from my FH's work, live music cheap (I went to music school, friends are the best), food and drinks cheap, we have a consignment bridal shop that I'll be getting my dress from, etc. We're splurging a little on photos and music (both are important to both of us), but otherwise, we're staying at a budget cheaper than one semester of college was for me.

That said, I've clearly sacrificed a lot. My dress will be used. Decor is all diy, flowers are minimal. And it's definitely not a formal wedding--just a chill, southern BBQ type celebration.

Tl;Dr-- Some can do a cheap wedding, others can't. Budgets will be different for everyone and depend on a ton of different factors! Not everyone's will be the same.

@Rawlings: Friendors? Oh please tell me you're joking.

If you wouldn't feel comfortable suing them for breach of contract, you shouldn't hire them for your wedding, period.

@EW: This is my last contribution tonight before I go to bed.

If your FH and his ex truly filed for bankruptcy, and he is getting bills from his debtors, one of two things happened:

1: His debtors are breaking the law, as bankruptcy specifically does not allow debtors to contact the person in debt. That's the purpose of bankruptcy, to help protect the person who is in over their head in debt. Debtors know this and generally will cease all contact and sending bills the moment the word bankruptcy is mentioned to them.

2: When he defaulted on the payments (and believe me, to have taken a chapter 13, the debt HAD to be significant!), they dismissed the bankruptcy and the debtors were allowed to come after him again in full force. This seems much more likely. It also means that, as far as I am aware, he cannot reapply for bankruptcy for these debts, nor can he apply for another chapter 13 bankruptcy for 8 years after it was dismissed.

The fact that neither of you know what exactly the case is, how much he truly owes (because it's very likely several debtors have not contacted him, but the debts are still valid), or what exactly is going on with his debt and credit is extremely concerning.

BOTH of you need to sit down and review any and ALL finances, with full disclosure, even if that means pulling your credit reports from all three bureaus and going over the listed debts with a fine toothed comb.

@EW Maybe I misunderstood what you said.

Your stepchildren are not entirely your responsibility, but in context, it seemed like you were saying you didn't need savings for the kids because you're not responsible for anything other than their immediate needs (food, loved, shelter). While immediate needs are important and it seems like you're doing great in that aspect, I was just really shocked. I guess we'll agree to disagree on the pregnant child issue. It's irrelevant, honestly.

I also want to clarify that I never said you didn't love your kids. Not once. I was shocked and that's what I was commenting on, I wasn't questioning your love for your FH's children.

I hope you figure out everything financially, it really seems like you're concerned and want to figure it out with your FH. Wish you all the best.