Divorce is real and it happens...

When your choice is divorce or wishing your life would just end, I'm sure most would choose divorce.

Here here Amy! Me too!!!!

Lol Amy, good way of looking at it.

Not to be rude but I belive that before people get married there are signs already showing that you two shouldnt be marrying each other but as humans we are going to make mistakes and thats not neccessarily a bad thing. You learn from mistakes and the next time around you learn how to handle things better.

I agree that saying "I don't BELIEVE in divorce" is silly. That's how people get stuck in terrible relationships. I can say "I hope to never get divorced" and that's about it. But, I'm a realistic person, so..

My parents got divorced after 37 years of marriage about three years ago. (Yes, it hurts to type that.)

It can happen to ANYONE.

I disagree, Mrs. Watson. I don't always think there are signs. Look at the examples everyone has provided here! Sometimes there are examples, sure. A girl I grew up with got pregnant at 17, married the guy while still pregnant, a week after her 18th birthday... and was divorced and moved back home with an infant by 19. He was all wrong for her, their relationship was incredibly rushed. I think the signs leading up to their marriage could probably suggest that it was not meant to last.

However, plenty of women and men here have shared their tales. Some have said, "People told me early on not to marry that person, but I ignored them." Sure, comments like "don't do it" COULD be a sign. Some people are rude enough to say that! Other signs are flat out wrong! And still more, other couples don't GET the signs. People change. You don't get married and get set in stone the way you are. Some posters here were surprised to find themselves getting divorced.

I knew my ex-husband for seven years when we got married, so it wasn't like it was an impulse thing. I knew I was not going to leave him for anything short of abuse (which he really wasn't capable of). Both sets of parents and our rabbi thought we were doing the right thing. So I was absolutely "sure" our marriage would last forever.

What I didn't count on was that he left me after nearly 20 years of marriage. And that was after 6 years of almost no sex, and 3 years in which he had said he was going to leave me if things didn't change. And during that 3 years, I went into therapy and tried to change everything he said bothered him. But when he walked out the door, I could have kept him technically married to me for a couple of years, but that would only have complicated the process of starting over, for both of us.

And I have to say, NotFroofy is very happy I didn't stay with him. ;-)

The phrase "I don't believe in divorce." reminds me of one of my favorite tv show quotes.

Did anyone ever watch the show "My Name is Earl"? The two hillbilly/redneck brothers Earl and Randy are in the woods at a hippie eco-camp of some sort.

Randy comes up to Earl and says "These people are crazy. They said they don't believe in plastic! Plastic is REAL! I've seen it!!"

Shannon, thank you.

My biggest fear for me getting married is ending up like my parents, or grandparents for that fact my father, grandfather and grandmother on my dad's side have each been divorced 3 times, my mother 2 grandmother 4 grandfather 1. Uncles and Aunts have the same thing. My family is not good at staying married. My brother was divorced at 27 and I was terrified that it would happen to me also. But the fact is I KNOW marriage is more then saying I do and looking pretty for a day. So thank you for posting this. Some ppl don't understand that sometimes a divorce is needed. (I just wish ppl could get divorced with out dragging their kids into it)

Ok, I know I wrote in the last post that divorce is not an option I feel I should explain... For me what that means that as long as we work on it together and want it to work it can and will. Yes divorce happens, and yes I believe in it if it needs to be done. I just don't want it done without fighting for my marriage first...

Ha! Rachel, I love the My Name is Earl analogy.

Most people don't go into their marriages planning on getting divorced. Sometimes things just happen, and couples realize that they are better off getting a divorce. I disagree with PP saying that divorce is an "easy out." I've never gone through a divorce myself, but I have friends who have, and I have never heard one of them describe their divorce as "easy." In fact, most of them describe the process as being incredibly difficult, but ultimately for the best.

My parents got divorced last year so it is very fresh in my head and heart, listening to my mother cry herself to sleep almost every nite for 6 months was hard! before all that happened i thought with naive little girl thoughts "oh divorce is only for bad people" and it could never happen to the people i love, then all of a sudden all of my friends parents were getting divorced and then my parents got divorced and it rocked my world on the idea. does divorce happen? of course! do i want it to happen to me? HECK NO! COULD it happen to me? of course it could, but i will fight with everything i have before i let my marriage fail!

For all the ladies (and gents) on here that have had horrible ends to their past marriages I want to say I'm sorry and also good job for coming out on top! It's very interesting to see who people become after hard times, and I'm glad you could find new happiness with your special someone!

*double post

I don't want this to be taken as a slam on anyone or their beliefs or opinions, because it's not. Just retelling an occurrence I think is both relevant and, to me, funny.

The only person who told me (in real life) s/he didn't didn't believe in divorce also told me that I was vulnerable to the devil's works precisely because I didn't believe he was real. Alas, the irony.

In a roundabout way, this person had a good point. If you don't believe in divorce, then do you also not believe in putting in the effort to make a marriage work? Cause if there is no such thing as failure...

No one wants to divorce, and I hear it sucks, but it's certainly better than voluntarily going down with the Titanic.

Very good topic Shannon.

I fell I have to chime in here too. This is my second marriage as well. I've been divorced now for over 10 years, but was married 21. I knew my ex for close to 6 years when I married him at the age of 19. And yes I said all the same things that everyone here is saying - divorce is not for me, yadda yadda yadda. My ex at one time had been in the seminary - if anyone believe so he definitely did not believe in divorce or anything else. Yet he is the one to end up cheating on me when I was laid for several years with 3 back surgeries and was basically unable to really do anything - barely able to move, walk - let alone have sex, which was his biggest gripe and complaint. So after about 5 years of fighting I finally left. I just couldn't take it anymore. He was like if you won't have sex then I'm not doing anything to help out. I'm not joking about this. This is the way he was. Nothing - no laundry, no cooking, no help with the kids, no yard work, no picking up around the house - NOTHING!

Mind you I had just undergone 3 different back surgeries and was under strict doctor's orders not to do several things. But how could I not do some of these things? We had to eat, clothes still had to get done - get real. Enough was enough and I was done arguing. Then I discovered he was stepping out on me. And that was it. I packed up my things and left. Filed for divorce. Took me 2.5 years to get the divorce, but I got it. I've been totally happy being single and never had any intentions of getting remarried until FH came along. And I'm still having a problem with it. FH is the one who wants to get remarried. And quite frankly I can't picture the rest of my life without him. I don't want to go through that again. Can it happen again - damn I hope not, but it's not something that can be ruled out. I've learned a lot about life and how to talk things out. And that's what marriage is all about - talking, compromise and the love you have for one another.

Divorcer here! I divorced my ex-husband 4 years ago December 4th. He was an abusive jerk and if I'd stayed with him, I'd probably have been killed (I know how melodramatic that sounds, trust me.) I firmly believe that if you aren't happy in your marriage, if you don't feel safe, or even if you don't feel like your marriage is working for whatever reason, by goodness, don't stay in it! The reality is that marriage is not all unicorns and rainbows. Marriage, regardless of whether a person has religious beliefs, is a legal contract which is why divorce takes some time...and lawyers So @ Shannon S. and all other divorced ladies and gentlemen here who have found happiness and contentment again with someone else, here here! Anyone who hasn't been married and divorced doesn't know what they are talking about.

Divorce is a normal part of people's lives. It is normal to stop loving someone. If you are married and do not love your spouse anymore, there is no reason to stay with him. It will bring both of you only bad emotions. You will just waste your lives. Be free, live free. If you have a kid - you have to explain to him, that he or she has both parents. Both of you love them, both of you are near, but you are not together anymore. I divorced last year, we have a son, and we are still friends. Our son is healthy, and he understands everything, even at his little age. Of course, it was really hard at first. I want to say thanks to our daycare providers in Little Scholars child early education Brooklyn. We really appreciate your help!