Divorce is real and it happens...

Im divorced and when I got married the first time around I was very much in love. However, we both had different dreams, goals and I was 18 and only knew him 2 months and decided he was the one for me. We had a very difficult marriage and I cryer all the time and even through mu pregnancy I knew that was not how I wanted to spend my life with someone. Now I'm getting married to someone I know inside and out and though divorce is shocking to some it was the best thing that coul have ever happened to me.

I find it funny how people think life is perfect and marriage is this fantasy. It's not people, get a grip. This is LIFE, sh*t happens. No matter "how well you plan" it out. There will always be bumps in the road. I am a child from divorced parents, and quite frankly it was for the better. Not cool when you have to call 911 at the age of 5/6 ish to tell them your daddys hitting your mommmy. And I also don't believe in "parents" staying together for the "sake of the children" that seriously sickens me and is NOT a valid reason to stay together even though they are miserable and clearly isn't a healthy and stable relationship. That's pretty selfish of the parents, if you ask me.

This is also my 2nd marriage as well, YUP I say it loud and proud because you know what? It's made me a STRONGER woman and made me realize to NEVER settle for less. I'M the one who walked away from the marriage and filed for divorce. It was my fault for marrying at 19, thought I knew it all

And thought I'd NEVER divorce HAHA, well let me just say it was one of my BEST mistakes because I would've never met my other half and been happily remarried

Well said Maria!!!

Maria- I'm with you. My divorce was one of th best things that happened to me! It was far from the route for me either! From the outside, people couldn't understand and my own family took his side. We sincerely tried to make it work- but you can only compromise so much before you start losing yourself. My ex is a good man. He is a great father! We get along well, now. We have done nothing but put the best interests of our children first- and that included a divorce for us.

Now, I am married to a wonderful man who treats my children as his own. My ex is supportive of our relationhsip, and it has really benefitted the children to see a functional, happy relationship. If I had stayed married and miserable- my children would have suffered in the long run.

This is my first marriage, but DH's second. "I dont believe in divorce" is just another way of saying, "I'll stick with it even if Im sad and miserable for the rest of my life" Like the rest have said, sh*t happens and sometimes its better for both parties, even when kids are involved, that they split rather than fight forever.

What I dont believe in are the BS marriage turn divorce relationships all the celebrities have...thats just dumb and they are being media whores....

Meghan- Aw that's awesome to hear that it was for the better and was turned into something positive. I was terrified of what people (esp my family!!) would think of me- being divorced at 22. Then I finally came to a point where I was like you know what?? WHO CARES!!?? It's my life and my happiness is what matters. People are going to talk and judge always, no matter if you do good OR bad.

I like to give my single friends HOPE that there is true happiness out there and never give up. Just be patient-because after the divorce and seeing the type of guys I'd meet- I thought WOW, yeah I'm never gonna be in a relationship again lol. A couple of years later, now look at me well look at us! (the ones remarried and who are happy)

My divorce helped me realize the type of man I truly wanted, and needed. I'm not going to lie- I went a little nuts after my divorce, and dated alot of guys in a short period of time. It toook me about 3 years to put my life back together. It wasn't easy, and I went crazy with the freedom at first. I felt like I had been suffocating, and could finally breath!

I grew up alot during my marriage and completely changed as a person. I married at 20, and I wasn't ready. I will never look at my first marriage as a mistake! It was not a mistake! It was a learning experience, and I got 3 fabulous children out of it! Without it, I wouldn't be who I am today, and I wouldn't be as happy in my life and appreciative of my wonderful husband and all the things he does for me.

I think if you go into marriage thinking that nothing will ever go wrong, you are setting yourself up. I think it's important to talk about the reasons people divorce before you are even married. That's not saying you would be better off, but I believe a lot of people wouldn't even get married if they were required by law to go through some sort of pre marriage classes. It's in those classes/sessions that a lot of things come up that the couple hasn't even talked about.

We are going into marriage realistically. Divorce happens. Who knows what's going to happen later in life. We don't think we are going to be "in love" until we die. We aren't going in thinking it's going to be rainbows and sunshine.

Slightly off topic, I remember when I was younger, I went to my grandma's church and the pastor was talking about divorce.....and I was horrified. He told the congregation that if your spouse is not cheating, you can't get a divorce NO MATTER WHAT. He even brought up abuse and said, "If your man is beating on you, go to a shelter and have him get help and once he got help go back home." REALLY? I was so terrified of marriage then.

@ the one chick - Wow no offense but that pastor Is off his rocker and any smart person would say leave thats just what I think. My aunt was in an abusive relationship and I saw him first hand pull a knife on her and chased me and my cousins out of the house and we were all terrified.

No offense because I thought he smoked crack or something. I am sorry, but God does NOT say abuse is okay. My grandma may of believed him because my grandfather was abusive and she was married to him for 30 years and he never show an once of love to her until he was on his death bed. I told myself I NEVER wanted to be like that.

Ugh, I was judged too .....not so much by family for my divorce, but my friends! As far as I'm concerned, the people judging me were not in my position, so how would they have any right to judge?

They didn't feel the humiliation of my ex cheating on me (and being the last to know, oh and I found out on my Birthday of all days), and they sure as hell were not around when my ex would yell at me everyday and would throw and break things. Even though he disgusted me just to look at him, I still offered to work with him and go to counseling. He refused. I made the decision and I would NEVER regret it because I'm with someone that respects and loves me more than he loves himself.

Unless you walk a mile in my shoes, don't judge.....and I won't judge you.

Divorce? me? :covers ears la la laa laaa: lol that's healthy. there is a lot of good advice here from those who have gone through it..i didn't realize the other thread got deleted, shucks shouldn't have gone out for lunch lol..but I've never been divorced, but I think it's evident from those who have that you'd learn so much more about yourself, marriage, and life having gone through it..I get how saying "I don't believe in divorce" is condescending not to mention hypocritical if you say except for X and Y..

so in short Glenn, Shannon, and the others thanks for the insights :-)

I have always felt if you have tried everything possible to make that relationship work, but its just not than of course divorce is okay. I of course dont want to get divorced but who knows what will happen, 10, 20 or even 30 yrs down the road. Who knows where FH and I will be at in our lives. I love him very much and know getting married to him is right but you never know.

I have a perfect example of two people who refused to get divorced. FH's parents are two of the most messed up people, they have been married since she was about 20. She was about 5 months prego at her wedding, they got married because they "had" to. My fh childhood was hell because of that marriage. They abused eachother daily infront of the boys, they both turned to drugs thinking that would fix what ever was going on. The refused to get a divorce, they refused to just move on. Instead they spent years being unhappy, taking it out on eachother and on their children. My FBIL ran away at 17 & my FH ran away at 16

Cont: That didnt even make them realize what was going on needed to end. They still to this day are married. Though they do not live together and she now has a live in boyfriend. WHo btw is FBIL age and is prob worse than their father. THey will prob die married and feel that what they are doing is right.They will stay married even though they 100% HATE eachother. They feel that divorce is just has bad as murder I guess. They had made people's lives horrible for years and still are to this day. Its nothing but fighting with those two. Its a joke!!!

Catholic girl here - I married the first time after college. I married another Catholic. We took the classes,& truly believed we had a marriage in Christ. We attended Mass & prayed together. We sold the, "We don't believe in divorce." ticket to my daughter when a family member got divorced. Despite firmly believing it at the time we said it, I will regret making that statement to my daughter for the rest of my life because sh..t happens, even if you get counseling.

Divorce is HARDLY an easy way out!! I had an 8 yr old & a 3 mos old. I didn't have a rainy day fund or a credit history. He walked & I was broke. I had been a stay at home mother for years. Both of my daughters were hurt by the divorce, the kind of hurt that still lingers.

In reality, it was the best thing that happened to me. I am deliriously happy & have raised two independent young ladies who know that strength comes from within & hard work pays off. Most importantly, they learned not to settle for anything.

So, yes, divorce happens even to those "Who don't believe in divorce."

I hope what I said didn't lead people to believe I think divorce is an easy way out, because I don't. I believe that some people see it that way, hey, we'll get married and if it doesn't work out, meh, we can always get divorced (ever listened to the lyrics to marry you by bruno mars?) We see it all the time with celebs, Kim and Chris, Britney and whoever she married in Vegas, even on tv shows like Friends. Marriage shouldn't be entered in to lightly, it's a big f***ing deal, but like I said before, circumstances/people/things change.

We all have one life--just one--should we be doomed to live it with a person that makes us so unhappy that we can't sleep, eat, work and feel like throwing up when we pull into our own driveway? A person that we realize after there are no kids to act a s a buffer that they are a total stranger? A person that we can not possibly imagine growing old with? A person that robbed us of our youth, our confidence, our self esteem? Tell me how on Earth that is the way a person is supposed to live for the rest of their lives, just because they walk into a marriage full of hope for a happy future. Sometimes it just can not be done. I knew very early into my marriage that it was not going to work, but staying so my children had a stable environment to grow up in was more importanat than my own happiness. By the time I left this cold shell of a man, I was so thin and sick my best friends thought I had cancer and hadn't told them. cont-