Day 1 of Marriage and I hate it. Advise please.

In terms of the living situation, I recommend the 5 Love Languages--great book. Sounds like you feel loved when he spends quality time with you. The question is, how does he feel loved? Through words? Actions? Touch? You need to let him know what he can do to make you happy, and vice versa. I moved across country right after getting married, and it was hard at first because I too am unemployed (although it looks like I won't be in a couple weeks!). Don't just wait around for your husband all the time (independence is much more attractive to men then dependency/clinginess). I suggest you join an exercise class, hobby, etc. Go on meetup.com to find some fun clubs to join and meet people in.

The key is to talk it out with him. In terms of his family, sounds like you have a Grade A Momma's Boy. -shudder- Good luck with that. You two are a family now, and he shouldn't be running to Momma everytime he needs to make a life decision. I DEFINITELY suggest counseling for that issue!

OK- you want bluntness- you and he did not have clear expectations of the marriage. You expected he would want to spend more time with you like he used to when you were visiting. He didn't have those same ideas. You two really need to talk, open and honestly and come to some sort of agreement.

He shouldn't have to change all his ways, and he shouldn't be the only one making changes (you have some already, I know). But there needs to be communication, and I still recommend counseling. Counseling can teach you more effective ways to communicate your needs, wants and desires.

Hell he puts away the dishes????? lol.... I think he doesn't know what the hell to do and you don't either.. You have expectations of what you thought it would be like but you didn't voice those expectations and do you know what he wanted??? It's time for you both to talk and descuss what you both want.

I think that MrsB thinks you had relationship issues prior to the wedding because you don't seem to know this man. You seem to not have spent enough time with him prior to marriage to actually know his behavior, his family, nor his relationship with his family.Those are serious red flags.

How long have you known him? How long did you date prior to engagement? How much time have you spent with his family? I know that I had met 95% of DS's family prior to engagement. That is important because when you marry someone you also marry their family...and guess what? That family is not going away. You'll be gone before they will.

My suggestion to you?

1. Get some professional marriage counseling ASAP

2. Get on the phone and talk to that man's mother.You've said nothing about her doing something to you, you just don't like her. Get over it. It's his mother.

3. If you don't like 1 & 2 - get a divorce lawyer

I wonder what effect attention seeking discussions - to me, we dont spend enough time together kind of talk is attention seeking, I wish he would just want to spend time with me without me asking because I feel I will not enjoy it because I know I asked for it...sort of like it didnt come from the heart. I feel it is like you whine for a present and then when you get it, it is not as great as when it was thoughtfully given...

Momma's boy: Is there any way to get the point across without having to come off as competing with his mother?

Another good book I have to suggest is Fireproof.

All feelings are valid, you really need to speak with your husband before your insecurities create a domino effect!!!

She hasnt done anything as such. Just stated that she doesnt like my mother and tried to break us up like in the 1st year of our relationship, She never even met me by that time. and then, they all didnt want ANYTHING to do with the planning of our wedding the whole year. and when they finally came to our wedding, they were soooo distant and after the wedding, they kept complaining the photog took pictures of my family only and not theirs. I didnt introduce to the photographer to anyone in my family, he just took pictures of whoever was active and having a great time. They all faulted me for that and I told them I never said anything to the photographer he chose what to take pictures of. A series of little incidents like this

Mrs Joseph,

I knew him for 4 years before engagement, and 1 year thru engagement. first met his family about 4mo before engagement. and spent a weekend with them. then thru christmas another four days. then at our engagement party for anothr weekend.

My FH is a momma's boy too - but I have managed to set boundaries with some time and effort put into it. Make him feel like his mother is important to you too - however with that said - you need to get him to see that you need to be a priority over his mom - you need to find that line between respecting and loving each others families but realizing you are starting your own together and that comes first and it is a team effort, not just him and not just you anymore - you both need to get out of the "I" and "Me" mentality and get into the "Us" and "We" mentality. Once you do that things will be easier to talk through and figure out together - but you really need to seek counseling for detailed assistance - we are not with you in your everyday Real life so we can't see exactly what is breaking down in your relationship.

1) get counseling, get counseling, get counseling. seriously. like as in now.

2) You guys need to talk about a)what your parents marriages were like b)what you wish to take and not take from your parents marriages and c)expectations for marriage (include everything in this...expectations for time together-how much and what that means), cleaning, cooking, bills, sex, how much family will be involved in your lives, how you make decisions.

c) get to know yourself-you say that you like people who tell it how it is and dont play games....yet you dont want to tell your Husband to spend time with you cause he should *just know*-sorry, thats you playing games. People function differently in relationships, they have different needs and expectations-he wont know what yours are until you TELL HIM. And his are likely different so he will operate off his needs unless he hears that yours are different

d) READ the 5 Love languages, as has been suggested. Seriously-it will help you A LOT

Marriage isn't about jumping ship because the situation is rocky. Take a breathe. Long distance relationship... never living together prior to marriage.... Lifestyle. This is allot to overcome. It will take quite a bit of time to adjust to the change of being married, work schedules, family starting, and how two people live together. It is going to be difficult for him or yourself to just all the sudden change into being a married couple. You have to tell him exactly how you feel without being all emotional and sulky. This is not a probelm that can't be worked through unless you do not communicate. Seek guidance from a trusted family member if youhave to but start with your husband. Expect to give it a year or more for the adaptation to truly kick in. I would not try to start a family right away. You don't even know how to live together and share household responsibilities yet. There is no need to muddy the relationship with children yet until you get your bearings.

Ok...and the thing with his family, not sure what the deal is, but I suggest you attempt to get over it and start off on a better foot. I dont get not introducing his family to the photographer-that sounds petty and selfish to me. Who cares if they were just chatting with each other? you can get great pics of people chatting just as you can of them dancing.

And....some people are just more reserved-its cultural, sure it might be hard cause its not what you are used to, but dont assume they are mean just cause of it.

ok. Im done.

You need to sit down asap and just flat out tell him how you feel. you need to talk about what you expect out of a marriage and also what expects. lving together for the first time is very hard even if you love them with all your heart. you are married now though, this is not something to take lightly. put your foot down and tell him exactly how you feel.

As for the whole family thing ..... DO NOT try to get between what he is accustom to doing with or for his family. If you are just getting into his life near or around his family, take some interest in trying to get to know them and their ways by sitting back and paying attention to how the cycle works for them all. He spent time adjusting to getting to know your people but it seems you have not have any true opportunity to get to know his just yet. First and foremost, PATIENCE, do not ask him not to speak to his mother or any family member for that matter. It's for one thing rude of you to do and could you imagine if he told you not to speak to yours? Take the time you must have in order to adjust to dealing with your new life and family because they are your family too now. Be calm. Men tend to be simple. Not in a dumb way just not in a complex sort of manner. Tell him calmly how you feel. Pick one thing at a time. Don't bombard him with everything you feel. keep it simple

Shoe - I dont think I saw this addressed.... how long did you have this LDR before marrying?

and

If I may ask how old you and hubby are?

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In Laws - maybe its just an issue of each other getting used to the other being in your lives.

I know my hubby and his Mom were EXTREMELY close and I sometimes think that she wishes I were not in the picture.

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I think you two need to talk together and get marriage counseling. Since you were not together much in the beg their is a lot of issues to be brought up. The first year of marriage is hard especially if you had not live with each other before. Hubby and I were at each other when we first lived together. It was a matter of growing up together and learning more about one another. Than we did not live together for a while. We did not decide to get marry until about 6-7 years later. One thing I will tell you is you need to talk right away. Tell him how you are feeling. Make sure no tv is on and you have his attention. Both of you were always and used to doing things because you could when living alone. He had not gottan used to it and may not realize how much it is hurting you. You both have old habits that you need to change. He needs to stop thinking only about himself and think now for his family. Their is no more I's. And do not run away from this because it would get

Ok, here is the dilly-o. I keep seeing these workds from you: "he was nice and kind and polite all the time I have known him." Uhm, that is your description of your husband? He's "nice?" Honestly, wtf. I could use mosre descriptive words to describe my relationship with my dog. Did you actually know this man before you married him? Did you talk about your lives together, make any plans, set goals for yourselves? Your expectations seem normal, but it also seems that they have never ever been brought up before. Something about this seems SUPER fishy. Talk to this man honestly, and in no uncertain terms, NOW.

He may not even know how to adjust his lifestyle either. This is the good stuff. Get to know your husband. Speak freely and problem solve. Ask questions and GET YOUR ANSWERS. I sure wish you luck because your title and comments scare me for you but I have known people who have dealt with this kind of start before and so far allot of them (majority) are the longest relationships I know. If you love your husband, you will not allow this to be the demise of it. Be a strong and smart woman and find your solid ground. Good luck dear.

Worst and than end up in a divorce. Communication to a relationship is the key. You must talk and do not expect for him to know what you are talking about or thinking of. Talk to him. Tell him things need to change. Closed mouth does not get feed. So act right now. These were the things that needed to be done before you gottan married, but now since you are get it together. Do not give up sometimes it will be tough but you need to fight together in life. And you will see that many great blessings will come your way. Hope everything works out.

Analy - I'm thinking something fishy too.

No info on the profile. Even if were true.... could be something like they are each 16 and met online.... NOT that there is anything wrong with meeting online (hubby and I did)