Day 1 of Marriage and I hate it. Advise please.

Start a family and I am scared to get pregnant with this kind of situation. I have always been a person who drops things and walks away the minute it is getting suffocating. Now I feel cornered because we had a big wedding and I am scared to tell anyone else in my family about this because they also think he is a very nice person. Am I exaggerating?

Waiting for part 2

Huh okay you have more coming right?

I think you need to talk to him. Has he ever lived with a woman before? He may just need to learn how to have someone else around. Though I definitely agree that the situation sucks and that he needs to change some things, I doubt it's intentional. He needs time to adjust.

Wow okay hun this is a hard one but I suggest going to talk to someone. A professional. We aren't there so we can't really see what's all going on, is he really that bad or you're exagerating it because you've never been in a live in relationship like this before.... My advice is to go talk to someone and then sit down with him and set up rules that you both have to go by.

I agree, he need time to adjust BUT you do need to kindly tell him how you feel about his attitude.

You have only been married 3 weeks. Could you ask your husband to set aside some time to talk through these issues, and express that as much as you are not a "needy attention seeker" and you are not, that taking time out of his hectic schedule to do things together is very important. I would not be accusatory, not say "you do this" or "you don't do that" instead it's how you feel. Marital counseling would be my next suggestion. Keep us updated.

You need to talk to him about this. You need to say that the relationship is suffering and you don't feel connected to him. I would strongly suggest the two of you get counseling.

What are you doing to encourage spending time together? He goes to the gym- do you go with him? Have you sat down and watched the game with him? Have you asked to do something else together- like go out to dinner and a movie.

It sounds like you are wanting him to change all his habits, and that's not going to happen. You need to openly talk to him and tell him some of the things that are problems and talk about what the two fo you can do to improve the situation.

Ok.... so, u 2 have never lived together I'm guessing and now that u do he isn't giving u the attention that u want???? Still a little confussed.... is there more???

Mrs. b some of us don't have a choice to have a LDR, I mean my FS is in Navy and I can't just move to VA when he live on the ship and we can't afford to live together until we get married. Then he will get a lot more BAH plus we don't believe in living together until marriage.

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I think he may need time to adjust- however when you marry it doesn't change anything, I'm assuming he was this way prior to marriage, so of course he will be that way after marriage. A lot of people think marriage is the BIG answer to all problems but thats not the case it will only magnify the already present problems. Definitely talk with your husband about your concerns, COMMUNICATION is the key to a happy healthy marriage. Best wishes to you and yours- God Bless

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about how you are feeling and why. Since you haven't lived together before getting married it is going to take some time to adjust to it. There may be things going on that he is not used to either. The biggest part of this is communication - if you can't talk to your husband about this then I'm afraid you may have bigger problems arise in the long run. And you need to be willing to compromise as well. Also I certainly wouldn't think about getting pregnant and starting a family just yet - wait for a year or two. Just be with each other and get settled into being married first. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest and that probably applies to couples who did not live together first.

I understand Mrs. B love the pic btw.

Amen Mrs. Jacques

He may not have lived with a woman before that is fine but I always thought a newly married couple just when they move in together would be excited to do things together. to spend more time together. Also, I have come to visit and stayed for a month and another two months before and then, it used to be he comes home every chance he gets or we meet, have lunch and do things. What really pisses me off though is he expects me to like his family and they are soooo aloof and reserved and distant because I come from a different background and then he listens to them religiously and that pisses me off when it is something concerning our life. It is like we expect a go-ahead from them whenever I suggest something. he gets mad at me when I dont want to answer his mum's calls because she talks to me and every word has phony screaming out of it, I dont like people who dont tell it as it is. I hate guessing games and poker face ppl ...i donno about this, really!!

I say please seek some sort of counseling to sort through all these feelings, there seems to be so much more to this story and it would be very difficult for any of us WW girls/guys to help. We can lend an ear of course but I think you really need a professionals guidance on this one.

Mrs B, why do you think we had issues before marriage. I dont think we did, If we had issues, I wasnt able to see it because we had never spent more than a day at a time with his family, he mostly used to come visit me and it was great with my family and friends because he was nice and kind and polite all the time I have known him.

Also, to the questions if I did anything to encourage spending time together, I said i want to go the gym and he is like yeah ok we will, I will get you a guest pass for now. which never happened. I tried cooking and then waiting for dinner, so then once dinner is done, he does the dishes and then tv or the laptop finishing up work. about 10 days out of the three weeks, he has been away 'missing' me.

By the way, please talk to me if I need to be put in my place, no reservations. I may not see things clearly

It sounds to me like your husband has a different view on what married life is "supposed" to be like. Check out his parents' marriage- does his dad work and stay busy all the time while the wife dotes on him and doesn't complain? Men tend to get a lot of their views on relationships from observing their parents growing up. I think you need ask him to make time to talk to you. If you tell him, "DS, I feel like something is not quite right between us, and it's making me sad. Can we please discuss this sometime soon?" NOT while he's working out or watching a game (men don't hear anything during those times). If he won't agree to that, it might be time to consult a professional therapist. The point is to get your point across without sounding sulky or pouty, even though you might feel that way- men hear that tone and immediately think you're nagging. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this- and it sounds like you don't really have anyone close to you to talk to!

It seems like there were issues before teh marriage and they definitely should've been dealt with before the wedding. i agree with the other ladies seek proffessional counselling. he is your husband now and he should not be involving his family in your decisions and you should come first.