Cold feet? Second thouhts? Regrets?

Tabby, I just read that you had only dated each other for 2 months before getting engaged? That, the fact that you were engaged previously a year before, and your age makes me strongly suggest that you wait--until you are sure, until you deepen or grow in your relationship and as an individual, and experience life more before being a married couple. GL

I do not want to sound like a broken record. However I think the counseling is your best option. Good luck

Well said JJ

Thanks, Kelsey

Very well said JJ, I mean wow at age 19, I didn't love myself and was so freaking immature lol. But it is different for everyone, I am just saying that marriage wont had work if I was married at age 19. BUT every love story is unique. I met my FS in Oct 2009 on eHarmony and we got formally engaged last month. We didn't date for a long time BUT we just knew and I have no doubts about him EVER. So I am saying is sometimes short time of dating work for some people and don't work for some people. So I believe that every couple is different and we all have different ways of how the relationship works. Like the example from the movie sex and the city 2, some married couple need to live alone for few days a week to make marriage work. Good luck and I will pray for you.

Mmmm, there is a difference between healthy love and unhealthy love. The crazy in love, giddy, I'd die without you is NOT healthy. Honestly I think you are now in a more mature relationship and normal doesn't feel "right" because you were used to the giddy/young love.

I was crazy about my ex bf and devastated when he dumped me. However, the relationship was not healthy, it was built more on hopes/wishes for what the relationship SHOULD be. I've grown since then and I know I would be VERY hurt if Rick left me, but I could survive. I saw a therapist and apparently *I* also have commitment issues, in other words I used to commit to guys who I knew would never commit to me. With Rick, I'm safe and it takes time to get used to safe and know that safe and loved doesn't mean boring.

Dunno if any of that made sense or not?!

Well, I can assure you the 19 part isn't the problem. I've had to grow up a little quick all my life. I raised my 2 little sisters when I was not even quite a teenager because my mom had cancer, and I worked hard in school and graduated 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. I've got my own 2 bedroom apartment, a truck that's paid for, and a full time job in an accounting office...

I guess it's becoming more clear that I've just got all this fear because of what happened last time. I know that Rian will make me super happy... I love our love story... and I do love him. I love his family, and I think he'll be an amazing husband and father... It's just fear, I guess... lots of it too, by how I feel sometimes...

I don't think it's the 19 Tabby, I think what they're saying is you were just engaged when you were 18 and now you're 19 and engaged again and quite possibly not have healed yet from your last relationship. I second everyone else when I say you can always postpone it and give yourself some time to work on healing in the process. It sounds like you are a very mature girl and you grew up very fast so I don't think you're too young I just think you need some time to sort through this all. Maybe some counseling would help? I hope everything works out for you sounds like you just need a little time. Keep your chin up.

I know I said earlier that postponing is a good idea. But also, fear is a powerful thing. I love my FS with everything I have. But sometimes I have second thoughts. I've been around the block to know that it's just from past pain and has NOTHING to do with him. But it's still scary at times because I'm terrified that something will go wrong. So I understand how you're feeling, and I don't think it's necessarily an indication that things aren't right. But maybe you should seek out some counseling to work out those issues. That's what I'm doing because I don't want to enter a marriage in fear.

I've just already had to do the whole...

"I know you got an invitation to my wedding, but it's been called off... why? Well... um..."

thing.

I don't want that again...

If you are not sure, don't do it. At the very least, postpone the wedding and slow down. You deserve to be crazy in love with the man you marry. Your young. You have plenty on time to meet "the one".

As much as cancelling it sucks, telling people it's cancelled shouldn't be your motivation to get married.

I mean, not having to tell people.

Don't getr married just because you don't want to do the whole invitation thing again...I mean if that's the only reason you can come up with to get married...maybe you should think about this a little more.

No... sorry. That's not what I meant.

Invitations haven't been sent out yet. Canceling now would be no problem...

I'm pretty sure I DO want to get married... but I'm afraid to send invitations out because if I change my mind later... THEN I have to have that talk with everyone...

Look, it seems to me like you really don't know what to do. My advice is to stop everything until you do know for sure. Talk to your FH & explain to him how you feel. You never know, he might be feeling the same way. Stop worrying about what will happen if you do change your mind & try to make up your mind, because it seems to me you don't know what you want.

Canceling the wedding is a minor inconvenience compared to a life of misery with the wrong person.

I won't say I'm always sure. But I can trace all my doubts back to my friends. All of my girlfriends are single, party-animal college girls. They date different guys every week, get drunk every Thursday, meet guys at parties... You know, that whole game. I've been with the same guy for years. When my friends found out about our engagement they sat me down and tried to "talk sense into me." They told me how I'm throwing away the best years of my life and I'll regret marrying so young because my 20's are the best years of my life. I believed them for awhile and I just got myself so worked up over it that I was ready to cancel the whole thing.

And then I REALLY started to think about what I'd be losing. I put it into perspective. I'm happy. I'm more than happy, actually. And I'm not letting anyone or anything fill me with doubts anymore.

(cont)

"I'm pretty sure I DO want to get married... but I'm afraid to send invitations out because if I change my mind later..."

To me that speaks volumes that you are not ready to get married yet. Give yourself more time to get over the hurt from your last relationship. My FS and I dated for 11 years before we got engaged. Take it from me, time heals all wounds and changes your perspective on things like marriage. My parents got divorced when I was in HS, and it took me awhile to work through those issues regarding marriage.

The thing is, you KNOW the answer. You describe this guy as being wonderful and perfect in every way... So I can only assume that these 'second thoughts" are the result of fear. If that is the case, take the time to get past everything that has happened to you in the past. Slow things down with your FS- for your sake as well as his.

Basically what I'm trying to say- Follow your gut. Forget the past, forget everyone else's opinions.

Yes... he is perfect for me.

The way he asked me out was just splendid, and exactly everything I'd ever hoped my love story would be... (His asking me out was actually better than the proposal, haha!)

He likes my music, he loves my friends, his family is amazing, he puts up with mine...

He loves the Lord, he loves kids, and he even says he likes my mom.

And one of the most important things I'll ever have in life will be my kids... (I want kids more than anything) I've had names picked out since I was 15... and he loves them all.