Cold feet? Second thouhts? Regrets?

Are you more nervous about marrying the wrong person or actually getting married. If you are having second thoughts you should really talk to someone. Have you and your fiance done premarital I would definately reccommend it

Yes when you are ready and with the right person, you don't have those thoughts. Yes my parents are divorced and I was afraid to get married then face a divorce but my FS took my fears away and every day I never had any doubts or cold feet since we talked about getting married. I would recommend premartial counseling as Elizabeth said.

We're looking into it now. We want Christian Counseling, but it's hard to find a pastor in our town that we can trust, and who doesn't know one of us. He's a church intern, and I've been working in different churches around here for years...

We want someone we know we can trust... but who doesn't know us well.

Talk to your fiance, it really helps, maybe you just need someone special to talk to to know that you are understood. It will feel different. Could you live without him?

I was engaged a while back to this guy I was nuts about who left me two weeks before our wedding. I really thought life wasn't worth livin without him for a really long time...

With my FH now... If it didn't work out... I know I would NEVER be as upset as I was last time.

I feel like if I made it through that first one... it wouldn't kill me to have to do it again...

I know that sounds terrible... but I'm not as crazy in love this time.

Then again, last time I was 18 and he was my first kiss...

So I don't know if last time I was just tied to him more, and that's why it feels like I loved him more... but I just feel... bad... all the time... I can't even explain it...

I think being hurt once has made you put up a wall which you havent been able to take down all the way up to now.

in order to be giddy, you gotta tear all the walls down and make yourself vulnerable to it. then you get giddy because you are happy that you feel secure.

thats just one possibility, perhaps its the case, perhaps not. only you know for sure

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. How long have you guys been together? Do you live together?

Feelings of excitement can fade in any relationship, but you can definitely reconnect again, and feel those butterfly feelings again. I would recommend taking a trip, or a date, and reconnect that way. And I agree with Elizabeth about talking to someone about this if this continues. Sometimes our gut can tell us that something is wrong, and you have to dig deep to find out what it is exactly, and ask yourself hard questions. Is it the person you are marrying, or getting married in general that's giving you the cold feet?

I was like this before my first wedding so I backed out and didn't marry him. I regretted calling it off for years afterwards but now looking back, I know it was the right choice for me.

See... that's what I'm afraid of.

I'm afraid of getting married, and regretting it...

but.. I'm also afraid of NOT getting married, and regretting it.

I really don't want this to sound condescending at all, and I hope you don't interpret it that way. You're still pretty young at 19, and I know you've said that you've already been engaged once before. If you're feeling a little iffy, maybe you should step back and slow things down. There's no reason to rush into something you're not 100% sure of, and you admit that you're not sure. There's no harm in waiting a while...if you guys are right for each other, then he's not going anywhere, and when the time is right you'll know it.

I'm nervous about getting married too, like deathly afraid at times. I think most of what you're feeling is normal. I have never been extremely confident about any life decision that I've ever made. I have a habit of over-thinking and over anaylzing everything. A lot of people just want to get married to say they're married or to have children and they're also thinking if it doesn't work out they'll get a divorce. As long as you love him and willing to give marriage your all, I think you'll be fine.

I agree, you need to put the walls down. I was emotionally abused by all men in my life even by my dad that I kept pushing my FS away right for a few months. He stayed and I knew I had to put the walls down and now I am very happy and I can't imagine my life without him. He worked hard for winning my heart lol. I think you have doubts by having walls up, you should get a counselor for YOU to help and maybe put wedding on hold?

I don't know if it goes with this... but like some people say - it's better to do something, than not to do and regret about it the whole life and wonder how it would be if I get married. I think it's just your previous engagement made you feel this way, and maybe you think that you current FS will do the same... But I insist on talking to him first about how you feel, and then you will see where are you at.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I don't know how much of what I can say can truly tell you what to do. Only you can decide that. Look into the counseling, talk to FS. You are still very young and that may be playing into your fears as well. My parents are divorced. FS's mother and father have both been married more than twice. So for us it was a struggle to get to a point of wanting to get married, when we were with other people. With each other it always felt right, no second thoughts and no questioning. All of those fears that we had with other people, disappeared.

@Tabby, I forgot one thing, I was 19 too. I looked at it like this...I called the wedding off b/c it was what I needed to do but we actually remained friends and he ended up being the best friend I ever had. We both figured that we were too young at the time and if when we were older we still loved eachother, we'd give it another shot but obviously that's not happeneing now. If you guys are meant to be, you eventually will be, even if it's 20 years from now. I'm not encouraging you to call it off but I wanted to share since I was in your exact same boat at the same age.

Oh, we talk about everything.

I tell him when I start to feel down, and he just walks me through it. He never gets upset, or hurt... he just tells me he'd wait forever, and that my feelings are ALWAYS valid... because they're my feelings, and I can't help them.

Sometimes he'll just randomly ask me how I'm feeling about things, and we'll have a good talk.

Communication is our thing.

We talk about EVERYTHING...

I know that sounds terrible... but I'm not as crazy in love this time- I personally think that this one line that you wrote says it all.

Well then you'll make it through!!!! I'm sure! If he tells you that he'll wait forever he'll be there for you when you feel happy and when you feel down. I think you just need to figure out for yourself what you really want. Try to forget what happened to you before, just think what it is now with him, and try to remember all the good things that you share together. And if he brings you up when you feel down, then he's going to be a good husband!

I would recommend premartial counseling as many others have. I get nerves sometimes but everytime I look at my FH they go away because I know he is the one. I dont believe in divorce either, so this is a big important decision in your life. I would talk to him and someone you trust and try to figure things out.

I would say postpone the wedding.

If you are not totally sure and having even the slightest uneasy feelings about it, postpone. pray about it, seek counseling & just wait to see if hes the right one. The one you want to coem home to every night, the one you want to be the father of your children, the one you want to go on vacations with forever & the one you want to grow old with.