"By excluding our children, you have chosen to exclude us"...

That letter is totally out of line. They could have at least called you rather than sending a passive-aggressive letter.

I'm with @Koch Bride. My parents rarely brought me to weddings when I was younger and when they did, I sat quietly at the table and coloured/played.

...I also don't understand the logic of having an "adult-only" wedding but inviting nieces, nephews, etc., but that's a whole 'nother bag of bananas.

Michelle a wedding is a family event but it still doesn't mean its a children's event. Some weddings are great for children and some weddings are not. Its up to the hosts to decide what they want because it is their wedding.

I wouldn't want my kids at a wedding on a rooftop lounge. I want to be at a rooftop lounge not worried about whether or not my kid is deciding that this moment is the best time in their life to pretend they are Spiderman.

I have only read some of these responses. While it's your decision on whether or not to have kids at your wedding & I think her response was harsh, I've also had to be the parent, explaining to my kids why they were excluded from something. It sounds like an earlier head's up (like I think you've acknowledged to her) would've been helpful.

My kids would be heartbroken if they weren't invited to an aunt/uncle's wedding (very different to me than a friend or more distant relative), and whether or not I'd agree with it, etc, as their mom, I'm the one left explaining other people's decisions.

Everyone's harsh comments are just that..harsh. Sew a cord back on? Seriously? These kids are 9 & 11 I believe (the exact age of my kids), kids still have to be raised, and sometimes that means parents have to miss things.

So uncalled for! There are so many other options to approach this:

1) She could have called you up and said, "listen, we don't want to leave the kids over night could you help us arrange a local sitter so we can still attend."

2) Send the kids to stay with one of the un-related to you Grandma and Grandpas for a weekend.

3) Arrange for the kids to have a sleep-over weekend with each of their friends and offer to do the reverse sometime in exchange.

4) Politely RSVP no with no rude letter attached.

It is SOOOO common for weddings to be kid free now a days! Most people realize weddings are terribly expensive and some host weddings that aren't kid friendly. I received 4 wedding invitations this year, all but one specified that it was an adults-only event.

I wasn't invited to a ton of weddings as a kid. My mom and dad always just said, "it's an adult only wedding." So be it.

I'm not saying a 9 and 11 year old do not need to be raised. I'm 25 and there are still things where I need to call my parents because well, they are my parents.

However, heartbroken because they aren't invited to something? Kids need to learn there are places reserved for adults and its not that tough of a pill to swallow. I'm being cheeky when saying some parents need to stop trying to sew the chord back on but seriously, any child is going to be fine and shouldn't be devastated over not being invited to a wedding.

Why some people act like their children are the MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND HOW DARE YOU NOT TREAT THEM AS SUCH is just beyond me.

I'm getting a ton of grief from my dads side of the family who live 7 hours away about our reception being 18 and over only. I personally am not close to my family and knew this would mean several people would not be able to attend. I do not , and I'm sure u guys are the same, expect someone to leave their kids by themselves for 3 days to attend my wedding. Its not that important . however I would not want to NOT send the parents an invitation and not give them the option to attend. An invitation by no means means someone is required to attend a wedding. We will have one person under 18 at our wedding , which is my fiances sister. Immediate relative. And I am sure she will be bored out of her mind. If people choose to turn it into a huge deal and never speak to family again over it , its their choice.

@michelle- the children that are in the wedding are leaving after the ceremony because their parents thought they would be bored, and they wanted a night alone--- but I'm sure you already knew that

I remember attending maybe 1-2 weddings with my parents. The rest I wasn't invited and/or my parents wanted that night alone. It's whatever. Kids really don't care that much. It's typically the parents making the fuss about it. Weddings were boring to me when I was a kid anyway. Kids nowadays always want to be doing something and that's NOT always the case at a wedding. I agree with Koch Bride, coddling them into thinking they'll be welcomed at every event IS NOT realistic. I'm starting to see why so many school systems don't allow students to pass out birthday invitations at school unless the parents can "afford to invite the entire class and not just a select few." Ugh, I'm going to puke because life doesn't work that way!

I am sure a 9 and 11 year old would just love a wedding. I mean, what kid doesn't love dancing and being the center of attention, and eating fancy food and listening to music, etc.? Well, a few years down the line, those kids WONT EVEN REMEMBER that day. I mean, for petes sake, I am 26 and hell if I remember a single wedding I went to as a kidl. However, for OP- this day is a day SHE WILL REMEMBER. It is HER DAY!!! So if she wants it to be an adults only day, well then that is what it is gonna be!

And if some family members can't understand that, that is unfortunate for them... they are going to miss out on a special day that, as adults, they WILL remember, and they WILL be able to fully appreciate. It is just sad that she had to deal with this so immaturely!

I am a Mom and I personally wouldn't mind if I couldn't bring my son to the event. Granted, I love him with all my heart but I wouldn't be able to relax or ' let loose' as much if he were there with me. I get that traveling out of state without your children can be tough, but if that's the case simply decline.

I don't see the big deal at all. It's not her wedding and I think the letter was rude.

I completely agree with Samantha C.

If a person can end a relationship because their kids aren't invited because its an adult only wedding, it should tell you alot about the relationship.

You are also alot nicer than I would be. My response would've been "Go f*** yourself. This too doesn't include the kids though." But Im feeling bitchy today lol. The first part is still true though.

@FutureMrsPrada,

In reference to me posting the letter. It was the only way I could possbily tell the full story in an unbiased way. If I were to have paraphrased, I do beleive that could have been unfair.

My wedding website actually is not listed with WW, It is with a domain my FH husband purchased. So, Unless there are any future brides at my wedding (there are not)I think I am pretty safe.

In addition, I do beleive that is what a forum is. A place to ask for opinions. To be straight forward, initially I was looking for opinions. After hearing both sides of the equation, I am now confident we made the right choice

Thanks for your words

Your step-sister is just being bat-shit crazy.. I will never understand why this is such a big deal for some people. I have quite a few little cousins who range from 4-13 and none are invited. Its a 19+ wedding. I just recently told my family and no one has an issue with it. It's far enough in advance where they can arrange sitters.

The letter was extremely rude and should have never been written. If she was in her feeling she could have least picked up the phone and talked it over with you, so I do agree this was rude. I too am not allowing children at my wedding except our nieces and nephews which is not many. Our family together has too many children so I’m sure I will be in same boat as you, the difference is I don’t care. Either you coming without them or not, that’s the whole reason I created an alternative list to replace you. Don’t give this another thought…. go be happy!!!

I'll jump back in with another perspective -

My cousin is getting married in June. My aunt, who I am EXTREMELY close to, asked me whether or not I *wanted* my son - who has been present at EVERRRRY event for our very close family since his birth - to be invited, since he would be one of only 2 other kids. I asked him, he said "I kinda want to go, but kinda think it would be boring... plus everyone will be drinking... " So, I told my Aunt, no, that FH and I would look forward to it as a night out. Different people feel different ways, but part of me doesn't believe that 11 y/o Joshua really wants to attend a wedding vs playing Xbox with grandpa or whatever. Julia, well being a girl, that may be a dif story, but just sayin.

I have no nieces and nephews. My FH has an older brother who has one child and his live in gf has 1 child, an older sister who has 2 children and lives out of state, a younger sister who also lives out of state and has 4 bio children (ranging from age 1 - 15) plus 1 adopted child and his younger brother has a baby and his live in gf has a toddler from a previous relationship. None are invited and no one has said anything thus far except that they are very excited and planning to travel here for the wedding (as of today). I would have actually loved to have the older ones, esp his nieces, but cant pick and choose so it was none.

My step niece chose to go to her high school homecoming over my wedding. Of course I wanted her there but I couldn't blame her. Even 15 year old kids would rather be somewhere more fun then a wedding.

Seems as though, the "no kids" thing is pretty popular on these forums.

Leads me to believe others are taking a lot of heat as well.

Truthfully, It helps to know I am not the only one that is going through this, but I feel for all the other brides just the same

I didn't take the time to read through all of the responses.

I do think that you should respond in a calm and collected manner and basically say, "We appreciate your feelings and truely wish you could join us in our special day but we are not allowing exceptions for any children because we would like it to be a carefree adult evening. We will miss you on our wedding day."

And leave it at that. You have no time for that petty drama.

Gosh I'm so glad I haven't gotten shit for no kids yet. If I do it'll probably end up being FHs family. I have three kids and I have attended no kid weddings across the country with no freaking problem. Guess everyone's different. With that being said I wanted less than 10 kids (ages 3-13) at my wedding. My venue puts on an educational program for kids and I could order pizza and they'd be good to go for 3 hours but the max amount of kids was 10. So our children, nieces and nephews, and children of the bridal party are the only ones invited. Just because I choose to invite immediately family's kids doesn't mean that's right for everybody. And with your type of wedding and what you envision I wouldn't even want to bring my kids there. It's not an appropriate venue or environment and I absolutely loved your reasoning comment. With your reasoning I don't get how people can side with your step-sister.