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Lynnie
WeddingWire Administrator October 2016

Are you inviting everyone who asks?

Lynnie, on September 3, 2019 at 11:05 AM

Posted in Planning 101

Do you have a small problem with extending verbal invitations to people who weren't necessarily on your A list? Sometimes it can be really tough to stay strong when someone's fishing for an invite! ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Thanks for giving us the deets on all your guest list decisions! If you missed any questions, you...

Do you have a small problem with extending verbal invitations to people who weren't necessarily on your A list? Sometimes it can be really tough to stay strong when someone's fishing for an invite!


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Thanks for giving us the deets on all your guest list decisions! If you missed any questions, you can see them all linked here: Who made the cut?

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101 Comments

  • Macy
    Expert September 2019
    Macy ·
    • Flag
    No. I had someone who constantly asked when we’re sending invites. But she wasn’t invited. She was a boss who was awkwardly trying to be my friend. Putting drama in my life when I made other friends at the work place and her and I were completely different not in a good way.
    • Reply
  • Natalia
    Expert October 2020
    Natalia ·
    • Flag

    Lol what?! Absolutely not! We are only inviting people we actually WANT to be there.

    • Reply
  • Kaylee
    Dedicated August 2020
    Kaylee ·
    • Flag
    No, there are certain people who sent me their address that I have not talked to since High School. We are having a buffet style dinner and some free drinks, so I know they wouldn’t be there for the right reason. My fiancé and I also have very big families, so we want to make sure they have first dibs. Close friends and family, no hand outs!
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super October 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Nope! But thankfully nobody has asked that will not be invited so far 😂
    • Reply
  • Mrscolón
    Super September 2019
    Mrscolón ·
    • Flag

    Ask this question to my FH ... LOL! I definitely don't invite ANYONE not on the list. He on the other hand will invite people he doesn't even know if he could.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2020
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    UGH idk. I'm a people pleaser so I can't say no, but I have to limit who comes.

    • Reply
  • Gabrielle
    Devoted September 2020
    Gabrielle ·
    • Flag

    NO!

    There is one person who THINKS that they are invited, and makes it known every time I see them. When invitations go out I am going to conveniently "forget" to send them an invite.

    • Reply
  • Diana
    VIP December 2019
    Diana ·
    • Flag
    We gave some people who asked for one, but only after we made sure we invited everyone we wanted.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Someone says "Please treat me to a $100.00 dinner" and you say "Yes"? That's absurd.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. Danger
    Expert November 2019
    Future Mrs. Danger ·
    • Flag

    I had no problem sticking to the guest list and neither did my FH. He was really good about discussing any add ons. There are people, especially around my office who expected an invitation. If I don't hang out with you on any other weekend, and if you are not related to us, I don't see the need to invite you.

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Devoted October 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    No. We are paying for our wedding and we have a budget. So only the one's we've selected will be invited.

    • Reply
  • Jasmin
    Dedicated July 2020
    Jasmin ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately yes. So far only two people have called me out thank God! I hate telling people no!
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Beginner October 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    This happened so much when we first started planning. I have a large Italian family, and my fiancé is in the Navy, so we had a lot of people who were just assuming they’d be invited. Any time we mentioned the wedding to someone, they’d make a comment about “well I’ll for sure see you then!” And you smile, even while in your head you’re thinking, ‘well that’s awkward, because I wasn’t planning on inviting you.” It ended up working out for us. We had a lot less people RSVP yes than we were expecting, so we were able to go back and invite some of the “assumption” folks. Luckily those people aren't in the loop with the family and friends enough that I think they’ll realize they were on a sort of “B” list, and they’re all local, so traveling for the wedding isn’t a problem. I am glad we were able to include them in the end, but I’m hoping they would have understood if we weren’t able to.
    • Reply
  • Jillian
    Savvy April 2020
    Jillian ·
    • Flag

    Of course not. I go by the rule of thumb that if someone is asking to be invited, they shouldn't be. Weddings, in general, are expensive and I am not inviting someone simply because they asked. They have to mean something to me.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Expert February 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    I just had to deal with this yesterday! My grandma was trying to confirm with me that a couple was invited, while they were standing right there! I had to say we weren't sure what our guest list looked like just yet and that we were trying to keep it intimate since I didn't want to just come out and say no. We have played with inviting a few people we originally didn't have on the list because we have invited some people we are pretty sure won't show so we feel we have some wiggle room but we are still being super selective on who we extend invitations to.

    • Reply
  • Mekalah
    Savvy March 2020
    Mekalah ·
    • Flag

    Yeah this is so tough to deal with. You want to be nice but honestly it is very rude to ask that especially if your an acquaintance or know the couple through mutual friends. I had one person who just fell of the face of the earth and messaged me "My husband and I will support you 100%, invite us to your wedding".. I basically let her down easy but geez!

    • Reply
  • Leighanna
    Dedicated October 2021
    Leighanna ·
    • Flag

    Oh no. We'd have a thousand people at our wedding if we did! We're aiming for 200.

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Super November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    We have agreed to have no more the 80 guests and are so set on it that we aren't allowing children under 18 years old (other than our 3 nephews) and the only plus ones coming are those who are engaged or married. My FH's mom came back from visiting her family as goes "my cousin wants to know when the wedding is so she can start planning ahead for airline tickets" and I said "great, she can wait for the save the date she's not getting."

    • Reply
  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah. That sounds like mine too. He wanted to extend an open invitation to his church and I quickly said no. Its a small church so it really wouldn’t be terrible, especially when they realize it’s 1.5 hr drive, but he’s not even close to that many people. We’re sending direct invites to the ones he’s named and talked about and have spoken directly to me when I’ve been there with him. But I can’t give an open invite to my church due to space/numbers, so I don’t want to do the same. And he’s already said that we won’t really be going back to his church anyway. We found the church that we’ll be attending after the wedding and move. So I feel like that’s a moot point. But he did ask to invite an old high school friend after she asked.

    • Reply
  • Sweetness
    Devoted October 2022
    Sweetness ·
    • Flag
    Nope. Anybody acting that way can guarantee an invisible invite. 😛
    • Reply

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