Alcoholics and a wedding

Just posted this like 5 mins ago on another post..

Just because you have a dry wedding, it won't stop an alcoholic on from stopping at the liquor store once your wedding ends...

sheltering and trying to protect an addict from every little ounce of alcohol in the world, is an awful thing to do. Once they are on their own, you won't be able to protect them.

You NEED to let them be able to control themselves in those situations. IF they know it will be a struggle during that social setting, they know why to do, call their support systems, sponsors, walk away, or just leave.

Addicts in recovery are taught triggers and how to respond. They are humans, they are adults. Just because they are struggling through an illness doesn't mean they want you to use them as an excuse for your dry wedding.

If I were an alcoholic / recover alcoholic, having a couple say they will have a dry wedding because of me, would make me feel even worse as a person. You're doing nothing but putting a spotlight on that individuals health concerns.

People don't think of the addicts side

@special.... did you seriously bring frickin abortion, of all things, into this, as if it has some awesome connection to dry weddings?????

@Special what does abortion have to do with any part of this conversation?!

Celia's initial response = *hands clapping emoji x1000*

There we go!!! A white knight at last!!!

Snowy? The point was she asked how to "handle" her theoretical alcoholics, and she was told not to handle them, which apparently was to serve alcohol, rely on pros and call it a day.

But she came here with a preconceived idea, fully formed, about what she was going to do.

So why ask?

What were you hoping to hear, OP: let them know, upon invite or entrance, that you won't be having alcohol because they're alcoholics?

Good luck with that.

If you love them and want them to be there, accept whatever they do, or just don't invite them.

Those are really your only choices, along with depriving your other guests of the 'fun' that comes with a glass of wine or two.

And not having alcohol is not 'damage control' ; it's damage acceleration.

You could just let them know ahead of time there would be alcohol served and if they felt that would put them at risk or their recovery (if they are recovering) you would understand them declining the invitation. If they aren't in recovery and are really alcoholics then they are going to be drinking regardless. They will just sneak it in or keep in in their cars. Not serving alcohol doesn't prevent an alcoholic from drinking.

Special are you seriously making that analogy? Abortion? Ok well, so you're saying the OP made a choice for herself to not have alcohol at the wedding. What you're not getting is that she also made that choice for alll of her guests too!

And comparing this to a woman's right to choose is just downright insulting.

And Emily post is about 453 years old.

Well I see the cap locks are working tonight

If they're is a professional bartender I think it will be ok

If you afraid they're gonna cause trouble then maybe don't invite them for that reason

Don't ban alcohol because of this

@Special, comparing the choice to serve alcohol to the RIGHT to autonomy in reproductive decisions is beyond absurd and demeaning. That is like comparing the freedom to self-cater to marriage equality. If you honestly think those are in anyway comparable (a poor hosting decision vs SOCIAL JUSTICE) I cannot take anything you have to say seriously. No one is foricbly stopping her from being a rude host, people are just telling her that it is rude. Ugh, such a gross and ignorant statement. Eta: I still cant get past your statement. Do you know how hard people have fought (and are still fighting) for those rights? Doctors and hospital staff who have been murdered? Tell me who the fuck has died for the "right" to not serve alcohol at a wedding? How does people strongly suggesting that alcohol be served violate anyone's human rights?!?!?! It doesnt, it fucking doesnt.

Https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/dry-weddings/3177663e49126d88.html

I'm just gonna leave that right there...

*sigh*

Out of all this I'm still hung up the fact she calls her fiancé her husband.

Does that irritate anyone else when people do that?

It's something a child would do in high school. I don't care if you've lived together 10 years either you're married or you're not. And he's not your husband unless you're married.

Onto the topic at hand. As I've learned since joining Wedding Wire not providing at least beer and wine is not good hosting. I initially was going to forgo the alcohol at my reception due to cost but quickly realized that was not a good decision. These ladies providing advice do know what they're talking about but since you've made up your mind. Why ask the question?

Last but not least how to handle drunks?! Since you're absolutely not going to have alcohol at your wedding then the money you would have spent on that should fund security (off duty officers on average cost 50-100 dollars an hour depending on location) because regardless if you supply the alcohol or they bring it in if they want to cause a scene they will and it sounds like you'll need security.

Btw I agree with everyone else you sound very childish. Like I would except this kind of behavior out of an 18 year old not someone who has been "living as married for 6 years"

One star, first post ever, I am calling pot-stirring troll on this whole post.

Can u do a destination wedding so u don't have to invite them?

Other than the fact that you're being an incredibly rude host, you are asking how to handle alcoholics at your wedding. I suggest you save up double what you're planning to spend for your wedding. You'll need it when you get slammed with a liability lawsuit(s) by your venue, and possibly families of guests.

Here's the thing, I have several alcoholics in my family and I can remember at family parties where there was alcohol served, flasks coming out. You cannot control other people's behaviour. If you choose to have a dry wedding, you need to find out what will happen if someone leaves your venue drunk anyway, or gets caught with alcohol on premises. Usually if you have a dry wedding there is no liquor license in play and it can be a huge fine as well as the liability being transferred to you as host.

@Special: What you don't seem to get is that there's a difference between rude and hosting at the bare minimum level. It's not RUDE to self-cater your wedding, but in most cases, it's damn poor hosting (the rare exception being cases like Celia's where there's an actual catering company and staff involved).

A cake and punch wedding is not rude. It's also not something I would fly across the country to attend. Why? Because I'm shelling out a couple grand to be at your wedding and you can't even offer me a meal and a drink. THAT is shitty hosting. You don't have to be rude to be a shitty host.

Emily Post guides you on the bare minimum to not be rude to your guests. I guarantee if you take that approach in your entire life, you're going to be woefully disappointed with how it turns out, just like guests will with a bare minimum wedding.

In school, were you satisfied with a D-average, the minimum to pass, or did you choose to work for A's so you could get into a good college? Right now OP is sitting at a D average wedding. Why not just strive for an A? Oh yes, because she's being cheap. That's all it boils down to.

This isn't a very bad idea. They will find a way to drink. It would be better to have a licensed and insured bartender then to have the liability from guests sneaking in their own and then getting in an accident afterwards.

And to answer your question you can't do anything if they sneak

In flasks. You need a search warrant to search purses and pockets and could get arrested if anyone lays a

Hand on anyone to do so. So yin really can't control what other people do or have on their person. You just can't. Good luck with that though.

Me at your wedding op